Scared what this means. Please help.

posted 2 years ago in Wellness
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Oh no!  I’ve been following your story and this is heart-wrenching.  You’re amazing for sticking with him.

I think you really need to talk to him.  Ask him, tell him you’re having feelings of insecurity about it – can he please be super open with you, has he been meeting people from his past lifestyle, where’s he been going… can you go with him next time he goes somewhere like this… have you been going to his NA meetings with him?  Is there some sort of support for you?  He should understand that you’re having trust issues, and he should be completely 100% transparent with you on everything.  Is your relationship in a place that you could ask about the “ya” text?

This is way over my head, but my heart goes out to you.

Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I can’t tell you if he is or isn’t using again, but I would suggest Al-Anon or Nar-Anon.  They’re groups designed to give you a sounding board and support, whether your SO is currently using or has in the past.

 

I’m the child of recovering drug and alcohol addict.  While I didn’t participate in Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, I did go to NA and AA meetings.  The support found there was incredible.  Best of weshes!

Member
275 posts
Helper bee

@anonymousbee62:  I would be totally honest with him about reading his texts. But I would also tell him that you aren’t mad and that you are only worried and want to know what is going on. If he feels attacked and violated he probably won’t tell you the truth.  

Member
1324 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I don’t think it’s in your head. The texts about money are what would concern me. Everything else is explainable but the getting him money texts, don’t sound right. Do tell him you read the texts. With everything you have been through I think you have the right to read them.

Don’t do it accusingly but ask him to be honest with you. Remind him that you are asking because you love him.

I’m so sorry about this :(

Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Oh no. I don’t know… I don’t know what to say. 

 

This all just makes me nervous for you. This is not on your head- something is definitelygoing on. 

I agree with PP on what to say to him. Let us know how it goes if you can. 

 ETA: I just read your other posts. I am so sorry you’re going through this. I had a close family member on cocaine and other drugs so I understand some of what you’re going ThrougH. You can PM me if you would like. 

Member
6299 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@anonymousbee62:  Wow, that’s rough. I don’t really have any good advice, but I am sending prayers/happy thoughts in your direction.

Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@anonymousbee62:  I’m so sorry. I don’t have any good advice either, but I guess just a reminder for you to always take care of yourself. And of course, think carefully before having children with him (don’t even know if that’s on your radar). 

Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee

@anonymousbee62:  I’m so sorry you’re going through this. All I can say is that you have my support whether you decide to stay with him or leave him. I don’t think you could make a wrong decision as long as you make it for yourself. Godspeed.

Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee

Are you prepared to deal with this the rest of your life?  Personally, I think you have given him enough chances and he does not want to change.  You can’t fix him.

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