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@7-9-11bride: It's not your child. It's theirs.
What I would do doesn't matter. I also wouldn't judge someone who didn't "buy" their child a halloween costume.
I would talk to the parents and explain that you are affraid of how the costume would affect your daughter. Buying it anyway could upset the parents because it could seem like you are making parental decisions for them. Explain that you know she wanted to be Tinkerbelle and how cute it would be to see them both in Disney costumes, etc. etc. But really I would stress the possible fear your daughter might have from her costume. Maybe she could just be Dora. That could be cute. Leave off the dead part!
I think that is ridiculous! Who would do that. Maybe u should tell them u wanted to buy her a tinker be costume she wants as a gift
OMG Dead Dora? That would make my daughters cry... Why would you be a dead childrens character at any age?
The girl has been talking about being Tinkerbell for a month. She was super excited. I'm not "judging" them for not buying her a costume. It's that they aren't into "girly things" and they don't appear to have a lot of cash so I thought I'd be nice and just get it for her. Also I am sad for her to have something she clearly wants taken away. I've told her mom about tinkerbell and she originally was like "oh that'd be so cute."
LOL I LOVE Dead Dora! Obviously I voted "Yes it's fun" and obviously I don't have kids. I do think you can be "dead" and age appropriate. I've seen some pretty cute zombie and vampire babies. Halloween is a day to not take everything so seroiusly so I like the out of the box costumes. If the dead dora toddler is scared, I would assume the parents would adjust her costume accordingly. If you're worried about your little one, the girls don't have to hang out together.
Agree with mwitter.
Also, my Dad always *wanted* me to be scary things, since Halloween is supposed to be scary, not about princesses right? In the end, I got to be whatever I wanted, so I'd trade off years between being things like Dorothy with sparkly red shoes & vampires.
I'd let the parents dress her how they want to dress her. Lots of little ghouls and baby vampires running around on Halloween!
That seems oddly twisted to me... who dresses their small child up like a DEAD version of a cartoon character? If it were something that was supposed to be that way, zombies, ghosts, vampires ect, it makes sense. I don't get making things creepy like that just for creepy sake. And especially on a toddler.
This girl was terrified of her fish costume last year and cried the whole night looking at her dressed up scary sister. The parents think dead/scary stuff is cool but this girl likes princesses. Also I do daycare for them so yes my daughter will be hanging out with her that day. That's why I'm concerned. But maybe I'm overreacting?
I think masks are more of what kids are frightened of at that age, as well as spooky sounds. I think she'll be fine. (but then again, my 4 year old great neice is afraid of Santa and the Easter bunny, so you just never know what will scare most kids.)
I personally wouldn't do it but I think the only thing you can do is tell your daughter she can't hang out with her friend on Halloween if it will scare her.
Unfortunately you can't make that decision for the parents. Also, I wouldn't be buying an expensive costume for my 2 year old either (it's great if you want to, but I probably wouldn't). I doubt they would even know the difference! I always had home made costumes (not hand-sewn, but put together with things around the house etc.) and that's just fine too :) The parents might get offended if you buy one because maybe they can't afford one themselves.
I think I'm equally upset they're not listening to what she specifically asked to be and are forcing their own ideas on her. I know she's only 2 but it seems wrong. The costume she wants is everywhere right now for about $15 so not unreasonable at all and she would use it again for dress up. I really wanna buy it and tell them I grabbed it for my daughter for dress up and she is welcome to borrow it for Halloween. They wear the same size. Do you think that's a good idea?
I have to say I once saw a toddler dressed up as Chuckie, and it was about the funniest thing ever. Not sure how I feel about dead dora, since so many kids are pretty attached to that, and might be afraid, but at the end of the day her parents should decide.
@chasesgirl - This is exactly what I was thinking. Vampires, zombies, etc are supposed to be scary and maybe if done the right way could be appropriate, if they are just doused in blood that would be a little much. While we, as adults, might find a zombie Dora kinda funny I really think it's inappropriate for toddlers. I'm sure there would be plenty of kids it would upset.
Yes! This! Her sister said her parents specifically want her to be that to try to make all the little kids cry. I think it's so wrong.
@7-9-11bride: Keep in mind that $15, while a reasonable price to you, might still be too expensive for other parents.
I think it is pretty creepy that she's going as a dead version of a kid's character- if it were just a zombie or ghost I think it would be fine but this is a little out there. In the end though, it's the parents' decision, and I wouldn't buy anything for the girl or say anything.
I find it creepy and gross. Are people even going to know what the child is? They'll probably just think it's a dead kid... which, again, is creepy to me AT that age. Once they're older and you know they're choosing their own costumes, whatever, scary is what some kids want... but a 2 year old?
As far as your original question, no I would not. There is a certain age when kids have more say-so in their costumes and I know a 2 year old wouldn't come up with "dead Dora" on her own. Maybe a vampire or whatever, because they've SEEN it before or an older sibling has done it. Just my opinion.
I don't know that there is much you can do, other than communicate directly with the parents though. In my opinion, it's not really your place to buy their kids costume, ya know? Could be awkward. Unless she has a bday coming up or something.. Lol.
Her bday actually is like a week after Halloween. I did consider using it as an excuse for a present, lol. It's not really weird for me to buy her things. I've been watching her on and off since she was a newborn and she was a flowergirl in my wedding. She is like a niece to me.
If you feel the costume would scare your child, then maybe you shouldn't let them hang out on Halloween. Although, there will be lots of other scary things, and I'm not sure 2 year olds understand the concept of blood and death. What would be the difference if she was going to be a mummy?
If the child wants to be one thing I don't think the parents should force the child to be something else, regardless of whether it's a dead something or other or not.
And for the record, no I don't think a dead children's character is an appropriate halloween costume for a 2 year old
HELL no.
A two-year-old doesn't even understand the concept of death -- nor should they! That is absolutely NUTS that they want her to be a DEAD version of a cartoon character. Completely, unbelievably inappropriate!! I am SHOCKED that half the people who answered the poll think that's okay!
I would tell the parents that I "already" bought the Tinkerbell costume for the girl, as an early birthday present. Then go out and buy it, and give it to her to wear. Don't allow her to be dressed up as a dead child, especially under your roof!
I think vampires etc., could be fun and harmless. As soon as we're talking about dead children - even if it's a character, I think it's bad territory. Just IMO.
I have no issue with children wearing scary halloween costumes at any age. Halloween is supposed to be scary and it is all in fun!
Along those lines, I don't think it is appropriate for you to question these parents' choices for their kids Halloween costume (character, home-made vs. store bought, etc). Even if she is like a niece to you, she is still their child to raise as they see fit - not yours.
Every 2-y-o I've ever known has changed their mind about their Halloween costumes at least 15 times before the day actually came. So you may have nothing to worry about anyway.
The girls will be hanging out on Halloween. Her parents work and I am her daycare provider. I'd probably be the one getting little dead Dora ready and dressed. I really think my daughter will be traumatized by this. I will be encouraging Tinkerbell all the way but yes I understand the decision is not mine to make. If they insist on dead Dora I will suggest she be Tinkerbell during the day while she's with me. I plan to take the girls to a pumpkin patch and then mall trick or treating, hopefully get lots of cute pics. That night when her parents take her trick or treating she can change into dead Dora if they want and we won't be going with them this year. DH is horrified by the whole thing and insists our daughter will be nowhere near dead Dora.
Since you are the child's daycare provider, I think it's fine to ask that the parents either to limit the costume (e.g. no face paint/makeup since it's really messy) or not bring a costume at all on Halloween. That would reduce the chance that your daughter gets scared by the dead Dora during the time you're watching her. If the girl gets scared by her own costume, I think it's fine to take it off her during the day, and return it to her parents with an explanation when they pick her up. If my daughter was crying at daycare all day, I would expect our provider to either rectify the situation or send her home if she was unconsoloable. It's pretty normal for care providers to put limitations on what they will/will not accept in terms of behavior, proper clothing, etc...
I also think it's ok if you buy her the Tinkerbell costume for her birthday or as a dress-up piece to keep at your house during daycare hours. I think it would be a little rude to buy the costume specifically to replace her Halloween costume, though. At the end of the day, you may be close to girl, but they're still the parents and they will make the decisions for their child.
ETA: I just read your follow-up post, and I think, if you want to get the girls dressed up and take them out, it would be innapropriate to dress her in something other than what the parents provide. An easy solution might be to not dress the girls up for the pumpkin patch and skip trick or treating altogether, or maybe plan a craft for that day where both girls "make" their costumes and they save their "real" costumes for trick or treating at night. It'd be easy to print some paper face masks off the internet for the girls to color in or use some pipe cleaners and construction paper to make bug costumes, etc... I think it's just best to avoid the confrontation of telling the girl's parents that you won't dress their daughter up in the costume they chose. They could very easily become offended and feel like you're judging them, when really, you're heart's in the right place.
I voted inappropriate. I have two kids and would be freaked out to see any baby/toddler dressed up as something dead or dying. Or bloody. Or zombie-like. I'm somewhat superstitious so I feel it would be tempting fate to dress my child up to look dead.
And yes, yes, it's a free country and we can do whatever we like as parents-paint their nails, put "tattoos" and fauxhawks on them, pierce them, dress them up as the undead. But really, the question is, should we?
"If they insist on dead Dora I will suggest she be Tinkerbell during the day while she's with me. I plan to take the girls to a pumpkin patch and then mall trick or treating, hopefully get lots of cute pics. That night when her parents take her trick or treating she can change into dead Dora if they want and we won't be going with them this year."
I think that sounds like a perfect solution! I can't imagine them getting mad about stuff that happens when you're with them. You're basically just playing dress-up with them. If they want creepy dead Dora, they can do it on their own time with her :(.
I think that it is really wrong to try to circumbent the decision of the parents in this scenario. I'm sorry, but if someone did that I would be really offended.
I think I am more bothered by the parents forcing the child to be what they want her to be. If she had come up with "Dead Dora" by herself I would let her. Halloween is about make believe so I think its fine.
@eeniebeans: I totally agree with you. When a child is old enough to decide what they want to be, then let them dress up as dead and bloody as they want. My son was obssessed with ghoulish things from a very early age and by "early" I mean about 7.
Since then, he's been the slasher from Scream, Leatherface, Michael Myers and other assorted freaky serial killers. A far cry from the Winnie The Pooh costume I dressed him in when he was 3. lol
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So my daughter is 2 and she has decided to be Belle for Halloween. I'm going to order her the dress from the Disney store, Belle shoes, tiara, wand etc. It's going to be so cute, she's super excited.
Her bff is also 2 and I watch her during the week. I will have her on Halloween. She has been talking about being Tinkerbell for about a month now. The girl has blond hair with bangs, blue eyes, really petite for her age. Pretty much looks just like Tinkerbell. Her parents aren't the type to buy her a costume and would probably throw something together last minute. I already decided I will just buy the costume for her. I was so excited to take pics of the girls in their pretty dresses.
Well today, the girl's older sister spilled the beans the parents have convinced her to be a "scary dead Dora" instead of Tinkerbell. WTF? How is that at all appropriate for her age? Keep in mind this girl scares pretty easy too. I do not want my daughter hanging out with a "dead Dora" all day. She has started having nightmares recently and I'm already a bit worried about the scary stuff she will see that day. Should I buy her the Tinkerbell costume anyway? Say something to her parents? It just seems so ridiculous. And I doubt they'd even buy her a costume at all, probably just use scary blood and makeup.
Would you ever let your toddler dress up as something dead or scary?