Post # 1
Ok, let me preface this by saying my FI is a wonderful man who makes me extremely happy. Nothing is going to change that.
We got engaged on Xmas, and started talking about when/where we wanted to have the wedding. We decided that due to budget, we would have a VERY small wedding and use the extra money for a house down payment. Ok, great, I start looking. There is an outdoor chapel in Austin that you can use for FREE (100$ deposit that you get back). Yay, great, here’s a solution! Well, because it’s free, there are limitations, and it fills up super fast. I just missed out on the March (this year) date I wanted, and the next available date is in July. The time slots they have available are 9am, 1pm, and 6pm. The time I am looking at (since this is JULY) is 6pm. I assume by this time it will have cooied down enough for people to not be melting in the heat.
I run this by my FI, and he completely shoots it down. Why? “Well, you know my mom will be drunk by then, so that’s something we have to think about.”
Um, what? Yes, I am aware that his parents drink. A lot. But, I’m sorry, I really don’t think it’s necessary to have an earlier wedding “just in case” they might show up drunk. Wouldn’t they make an effort, being their son’s wedding and all??
I get really upset at this, because I think it’s unreasonable to schedule it around this. I don’t understand it. Then, he brings up that he thinks his family won’t be able to afford hotel rooms, so having a late wedding might not allow some of them to come. I get this, and I wouldn’t want to put financial pressure on anyone, but now I just don’t know what to do.
I’m confused, bees. 🙁
Post # 3
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I, too, have had to make massive changes to accomodate family drama for our wedding… mostly keeping our parents apart from each other. I have no idea how they will get along and I am most worried about his dad saying something off color to my folks – who won’t put up with it. We’re not having a rehearsal dinner because we don’t want to deal with it.
I would have an honest discussion with your FI and talk about his concerns, and try to come to a happy medium. I know it sucks because it should be your wedding, together, but I am learning that our families definitely end up changing that dynamic. 🙁
Post # 4
It DOES suck. But it would suck more if you insisted on the time and then your FI’s mom was drunk then, ruining the wedding for him. In the end, it’s going to be easier to change your wedding time than to cure his mother’s alcoholism. I’m really sorry you all have to deal with this.
Post # 5
1pm in July in TX does not sound like a good idea at all…that’s the hottest time of day!
Post # 6
I’m sorry. Maybe 9AM and do a brunch? This doesn’t sound ideal though
Post # 7
Since its going to be a small wedding anyway I would try to find a compromise on time with your FH. It seems obvious he doesn’t want the later time, he gave you two reasons and whether or not they are logical they are his thoughts on it. How does he feel about the 1:00 time? Or the 9am brunch? I’ve been to a brunch wedding and it was actually pretty cool, and from what I heard waaaay cheaper.
Post # 8
:-/ that is a bummer. 🙁 I agree 1 pm will be very hot. Our wedding was at 9 am… I woke up at 4 am for my hair. We did it because of when our HM flight left… but it was hard getting up that early and from 4 am till the wedding we were rushing around. Our wedding was great–so if you are a morning person, that might work.
Post # 9
This was just posted on facebook…some brunch wedding inspiration pictures if you decide to do 9am (which IS early, but would keep expenses down).
You could talk him his family members to see if it would be possible to keep his mother ‘busy’ with non drinking activities during the day…that may or may not work and his family will have the most insight in to that.
Post # 10
Thanks guys 🙂 I don’t want it to cause any problems between FI and I, so I will probably either agree to 9am, or just find something different alltogether. The brunch pictures are much appreciated!!
Post # 11
I think 9 AM is your best bet. I’m in Dallas and wouldn’t dream of having an outdoor wedding in July at 1 PM OR 6 PM. The sun doesn’t set until 8:30 or 9 during that time of the year, so you have bright hot sun…with the hottest part of the day somewhere around 5 PM.
Hopefully an AM wedding would keep the parents from being too drunk as well. That sounds so frustrating overall!
Post # 12
Do you HAVE to have it July? Could you push it back to Sept when it might be cooler and you could do a 1 pm wedding?
We had the option between July, Aug & Sept and even at our Sept wedding it was still 80 degrees.
Also perhaps see if you can have them call you if there are any cancellations. If it’s a small wedding you may have more flexiblity with moving dates.
Post # 13
I agree with you–its completely unreasonble for you to move the wedding because of someones “drinking schedule”.
However, I would recommend changing the time due to the comfort of your guests. I know what venue you’re referring to and I would strongly recommend moving the wedding to 9am and doing a brunch reception. I’ve been to 8pm weddings in Texas during the summer that still are completely miserable. It’s just too damn hot unless you have fans everywhere (which from my understanding, they don’t).
By moving it to 9am, you lessen the chance that people will be drunk and you make your guests more comfortble.
Post # 14
@blondeeebuckeye: You have a good point. I think it being winter here in Texas, I’m in denial about the always miserable hot summers!
Post # 15
Unless you have alcoholic parent(s) it’s hard to understand where he is coming from. My husband and I had to have a lot of talks with parents before the wedding and most still ended up getting trashed. Not early on but all were definitely drunk at the end of the night.
Is he willing to talk to his Mom about it? To ask her to hold off on her drinking until the champagne toasts?
Post # 16
@AbbyM: You’re completely right. I grew up in a non-drinking household, and I totally do not understand. However, I think he is underestimating her. She is a good woman who I know would put effort into being appropriate at her baby’s wedding. I’m going to have him talk to her and see if we can come to a solution.