Post # 1
Long time reader, first time poster. My wedding is in 37 days, and most of the details are done. Last night, I was working on the seating chart for the reception, and I was shocked to find out that my mom doesn’t want to sit at the same table as my dad. They’ve been divorced for 8 years after being married for 30. My dad is recently engaged, and my mom is pretty good at “playing nice” at engagement parties, showers, etc. (even though I know it upsets her…she fakes it).
I’m a little irritated that she can’t continue to “play nice” at the reception, but right now, I need help brainstorming because this isn’t an easy fix.
I am having trouble separating them into “hosting their own tables” because I am not close with my dad’s extended family AT ALL. They are invited to the wedding, but I haven’t seen his brother or sister in over 15 years! I just don’t know them at all and I don’t know how I feel about my dad and his extended family sitting right near the head table….
The layout of the room is such that there are three tables positioned very near the head table. The way I see it, I have a few options.
Option 1: Have my parents sit with the groom’s parent at one table near the front, with extended family (groom’s sisters, various aunts, uncles, cousins) at the other nearby tables.
Option 2: Ask my mom to sacrifice for my sake and sit at a table with my grandma and other close family members and my dad and his FI. Seat the groom’s parents (and sisters and nephews) at another table very nearby.
Option 3: Have one table for the groom’s parents and sisters. Have another table for my mom and close family. Suck it up and have my dad’s extended family at one of the 3 close tables.
Please help….can you think of other options?
What would you do?
Post # 3
I have a similar situation, except my parents have been divorced practically since they got married (over 25 years)! LOL My dad doesn’t care, but mom absolutely refuses to be near my dad. I think I will put each set of parents at a separate table, near the head table, so that the other close relatives, siblings, grandparents, and maybe SOs of the bridal party attendants can sit in the front all together. I was going to put FI’s parents and one of my sets of parents together, but I’m afraid the other excluded set of parents will be offended. I don’t know that my dad will care so much, but my mom definitely would care if I seated my dad and his wife with SO’s parents. I think having them all separate will be the best way to go.
Post # 4
@BrideMegan: That’s an interesting idea about the bridal party’s SOs. I didn’t even think of that. I totally hear you about not wanting to exclude them. My mom would TOTALLY care….
Post # 5
I was in your situation but it was for my hub’s parents. They have been divorced for 8 years and his Mom remarried which his dad still has issues with (valid or not) so I had to keep them separated. Not to mention, his dad’s sister and mother definitely are still at odds with his mom. They missed his brother’s wedding because of this “feud”. So I sat my FIL with his mom and sister’s family at one table and at a separate table his mom was joined by some of her side of the family and each table was near the sweetheart table. Luckily, it really did work out. Thank God!
Maybe you can do the same.
Post # 6
My parents and FI’s parents are both divorced. We asked them each to make a list of 8-14 people they would like to sit with and will let each parent have their own little table. I wouldn’t make my parents sit together or make his – they’d all be really uncomfortable.
Post # 7
We did something similar to option 3 for our wedding. We also had three tables directly in front of the head table; one for my MIL, one for my parents, one for my FIL.
My DH’s parents are going through a divorce and obviously didn’t want to sit at the same table. Neither are that close to their siblings/extended family. We just asked what 8 ppl they wanted to sit with and put them there. So my FFIL sat with 8 friends. I didn’t really care that these randoms had the close seats – it kept my in-laws happy.
And really, how much time does everyone spend at their table? 1 hr max.
Post # 8
Option 3 – Your parents will spend more time sitting at the tables than you will, so I would make them comfortable. Seat them separately and surround them by their own friends and family. Even if you aren’t close to your father’s family, how close they are to your table shouldn’t really matter.
Post # 9
Since both of our parents are divorced we are having each parent host ther own table with that set of Grandparents and close friends/family memebers. That way noone is excluded and they enjoy the comany of the people they are seated with. I would come up with a seating chart that would make yor mom comfortable, I am sure your mom would “suck it up”. but I wouldn’t put my own mom in that situation.
Post # 10
I like sweetadeline’s suggestion – let them figure it out! haha. Me? I sat mine together. Play nice for 45 minutes, darlings! muahah
Post # 11
I split ours into 2 tables for my dad and his family (aunts/cousins/step-brother) and 2 tables for my mom and her family and 3 tables for my husbands family. I put my Dad’s tables on one side of the room and my mom’s on the other with the husbands family in between.
I know that it is hard being stuck in the middle but at the same time I understand what it’s like to have to be in the same room as an ex that I wasn’t even married to. So I can only imagine how hard it would be for your parents. Besides, it won’t be that big of a deal to have them a different tables. You and your husband will barely have enough time to sit down and eat so don’t worry about if they are or aren’t near the headtables.
Post # 12
Defintely NOT Option 2. My parents are also divorced and putting them at different tables. I’d say Option 3 if your dad talks to his family, if not then Option 1 seems fine.