Post # 1
So I finally sat down with my parents last night to go over the seating arrangements at the wedding so I can start to make my place cards. Well, I know according to chinese tradition, it is supposed to be family seated first and the more distant you are the further back you go. Well here’s the problem. I have a table that currently holds my friends (which I’m only having one table of because there’s simply no more room) and I had seated them at the table right behind the Head Table. So they are table #2, if you will. My FI and I will be sitting at a Dais so it will just be the two of us and we would love for our friends to be close so we can chat, dance and booze with them. Well my parents had other ideas. They wanted me toput that table last and move my cousin’s uncle’s dad’s son’s grandchild (exaggerating, but they are that distant) to the front while my "friends" sit at the end because "that’s the way things are done." Needless to say this turned into a whole fight. My bottom line is if I am only having one table (which also consists of my MOH/my sister, my cousin, his wife, etc) of friends, shouldn’t I be allowed to put them where I want?
And to get this out of the way, my parents are having a total of 5 tables at the wedding from their side, my FI and I are paying for the wedding in full ourselves, and yes, these are the same parents that offered my hotel room for my cousin to stay at the night of our wedding.
Thoughts anyone? Is it just me?!
Post # 3
Maybe suggest to your mom that its really a big table circle, so the table right next to you actually IS the furthest away??
What is this about the hotel room? Good grief. What part of the wedding night thing do they not get? Although I have had to spell out to my mom, who lives a block away, that if FI and I are at my house "for lunch" there is probably a reason that has nothing to do with lunch, otherwise we would go to his house and eat lunch with his kids!! (In order to stop her just letting herself in if we don’t answer the doorbell.)
I think that your friends should not have to trek clear across the room to hang with you. I think that if you put them clear across the room, they will probably steal other people’s seats, or rearrange chairs, so that they can hang with you. (I would! Bad guest, no cake.) And if your sister is at that table, how much closer does it get than that?
Hang tough bluebear. Maybe you can get your sister to stick up for your seating arrangement – harder for your mom to fight you both!
Post # 4
seriously, i don’t understand why seating is such a big deal! we went to a wedding, there were a total of 8 of us from the groom’s side, and my family complained the entire time that they weren’t sitting right up front…..I mean, we were right in the middle of the room! for our wedding, we thankfully have more of a circle, and everyone will be spread out more by age group than anything. my friends will be closer to the bar/dj/dance floor than others….anyway, tell them thats the way you want it! and no way on the hotel room…..it is beyond rude that they would even think that was okay!!! is this person an adult?
Post # 5
Well if you are paying I guess you have the ultimate right to decide. However, in all of the weddings I’ve been to friends have been near the back and family in the front and it was fine because friends will always make their way over to see you, meet you on the dance floor etc.
Also, family is a lot more senstive about where they sit and friends aren’t so I would go with the least offending placement of tables. Also, these kinds of things cause unnecessary tension with parents so think to yourself- do you really care that much? If you do, fight for it, if not, let it go.
Post # 6
I say seat them next to you especially since it includes the MOH. Just let your parents know that it is disrespectful to have your MOH who is doing so much for you and expending so much $ so far away and you want her with friends so that she can enjoy the day to its utmost. If that doesn’t work just seat them they way you want and don’t tell your parents until they see the seating chart. Do you think they would really make a big scene on the day fo the wedding in front of all of those people.
Post # 7
LOL I like tberry’s idea…make the seating arrangements and worry about it later! I just might do that! The funny part is the room isn’t even that big! We can clearly see the last person sitting at the last table at the venue because it is that cozy…but apparently that’s not good enough.
And to humor you all, my mom gave me crap for seating my younger cousins (age 9-16) so far away from their parents. The ironic part is I originally had them seated at the head table WITH their parents, but mom decided kids could not sit at the head table, so I was the one that got in trouble for her splitting the kids from the parents…go figure!
As far as whether or not it’s worth fighting IndianBride, I’m not quite sure what’s worth it and what’s not anymore…I’m so darn tired to be honest…parents, just gotta love em.
Post # 8
i totally understand what you’re saying about where to put family vs. friends at a chinese banquet. i think this is one area, i wouldn’t fight about. i wouldn’t want relatives or my parents’ friends thinking they weren’t important since they’re the ones who understand that tradition. also i’ve been to enough chinese wedding to know that you probably won’t be spending too much time at the table anyway if you’re doing all the traditiona stuff – tea ceremony, table to table toasts with parents, changing dresses, etc. don’t worry, you’ll see them. my fi and i are also paying for the whole thing. my parents actually have 10 tables. we have 30 tables in total.