This is the issue. I didn’t want to post too much of an opening drama post about it. Because in every family there is always weird dynamics.
My dad wants to sit with his mom and step-dad. His mother is just, this very inconsistent person who can make rude obnoxious (sometimes racist) & passive agressive remarks. They are Puerto Rican/Italian.
My mother doesn’t want to sit with her mother-in-law. She wants her mom and her brother to sit with her. My mother & my dads mom have never been on good terms. Mainly because my grandmother is just rude (she knows I don’t speak spanish- and always talks to me in spanish, although with my cousins she speaks english to them, she refuses to eat her daughter-in-laws mother food because it ‘isn’t good enough’… She is stuck up & irrational).
My FH parents are Taiwanese. They are very kind people. They don’t really understand english that much, but they make a genuine effort. I was going to sit them with my parents. I thought that would be a nice gesture to have my parents and my FH parents seated together. There isn’t bad blood between the two, but I thought it would be weird if I DIDN’T seat the two familys together. (I didn’t want people to say… "why aren’t the two parents sitting together?")
My dad has a half brother who is married with two young kids (one is the fower girl, the other the ring bearer). Usualy my grandparents are attached to the hip with them. (so I thought it would be a nice break if I separated the two.) My FH has a brother with two kids who are similar in age. So I thought I would sit my uncle and my FBIL together with all the kids. And that would complete a table of 8.
But my FH and my dad want me to separate my dad’s parents from my FIL. They are worried my grandmother and her unpredicatbleness might cause strife. So I explained to my dad- ‘well either I put fiance’s parents on one table with their other son and the grandkids, and I do the same with your parents- put them with your half brother and his kids’… but my dad wants to sit with his parents- although my mother does not! But this probably the way it will wind up being i I keep meeting resistance…
It’s dinner for pete’s sake. They have to make nice for an hour and a half. That is all I am asking. I don’t feel like I should put the prospective grandparents with the grandkids. I think that is ridiculous. It’s basically me versus my dad and Fiance. My mom is like ‘if I have to sit with my mother-in-law I will for my husbands sake, but I am not going to like it’. At least my mom is tryig to suck it up.
This is why I was curious how other people did it. And if you had drama as result. I mean seriously- my grandmother has been known to throw food at people to exhibit her displeasure. She isn’t old or senile. She is just ghetto.
But the numbers work beautifully if I seat the in-laws, parents, grandparents, my mom bro and mother together on one table together. And seat the uncle with his fam, and BIL and his family on a separate table. The grandparents don’t need to be with the grandkids 24/7! The kids should be seated together so they can play, be closest to the most convenient area of the dining hall with the maximum amount of space to run and access to the restroom.
But you’re right, I should not push the issue if it is causing grief. But I don’t see how they can’t just deal for a dinner! Bride vs. father-of-the-bride and FH… FOB/FH will probably win. I just needed to see how others did it.