(Closed) Seating the Parents & miscellaneous persons…

posted 9 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

Sparkles, I did one table with both our parents and grandparents and my brother (the only one of our siblings who wasn’t in the wedding party).  Neither side really complained, although I didn’t tell my in-laws ahead of time.  My mom actually suggested seating the parents together because it worked better with our numbers and then set them aside at a special table right in the front.

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Why are they giving you crap about seating them together? They’re the PARENTS that’s how it’s supposed to be, right? That’s how I"ve seen it done at most other weddings. YOu guys are family, now they’re family and that’s it, lol

I’m seating my mom, dad, aunt, her bf, bm’s mom (basically my second mom), FMIL, and his grandparents at one table. That’s 8 for a 10 man table so my Fi and I can come sit with them. Basically, my aunt and bm’s mom are my only family coming. 

At another table goes FI’s dad, his wife (i’m not going to call her my FI’s stepmom) and his immediately family. There’s some awkward dynamic going on that makes it terribly inappropriate to seat his wife with our "family"

However, it is acceptable to put your family at one table and his family at another depeneding on how many gparents you have and whatnot. I do think it’s a nice "get to know each other" gesture to shove your parents and in-laws together. 

Post # 5
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We sat the parents together at their own table.  There were complaints, but we pretty much ignored them!

Post # 6
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I think some of it depends on how many family members you have.  And how well the parents get along.  We sat parents at different tables, but equally close to the head table.   We just had other family members we thought we should sit them with.  And put the pastor at my parents’ table.  (Dh parents aren’t Catholic.)

Why are they giving you a hard time?  Do they not like each other?  If there is griping about sitting the parents together, it might be best for everyone if they are not sitting together.  You don’t want to foster negative feelings toward each other, or awkwardness/fighting for your reception.

Post # 7
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Hmmm…I don’t necessarily see anything wrong with it, but I am not doing this.  But then again, my parents are divorced and my dad is getting remarried this summer.  I think all of them sitting together would be really awkward   I am sitting his parents with their parents (grandparents) and my dad with his sibling (aunts and uncles) and same for my mom.

 

But ultimately, if this is not where they want to sit, then I think you shouldn’t push the issue.  You want your parents and FI’s parents to be comfortable at your wedding.

Post # 8
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

this was a pretty contentious issue at my brother and SIL’s wedding, but they found a really good way to deal with it–my SIL’s parents got divorced pretty recently and it’s really awkward for them (and my SIL) to be together. so, each of them got a table and got to chose who would sit with them, and my parents got to put their table together too. my parents sat with all my aunts and uncles, my bf and i, and my dad’s oldest friend, and it was really nice. i think each of my SIL’s parents sat with a group of their friends. my parents had been really upset and felt slighted, having assumed that all the parents would be sitting together with the bride and groom, but ended up being really happy that they got to share some quality time with their siblings.

Post # 9
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’ve always heard that the parents of the bride host one table and the parents of the groom host their own table. Does either set of parents have siblings? They would be sat at that table as well. Same goes for still-living grandparents. For my situation, my parents were never married so my mom will host one table, my dad will host another, and FI’s parents will host their own.

Post # 10
Member
6010 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think it’s kinda rude that you’ve been getting some complaints about this… unless there are some other issues?  Like any bad blood between the sets of parents or divorces?  If there aren’t any valid reasons for them to be complaining other than they just want to sit with their friends during your reception, I say ignore it.

If you decide you want to just avoid the drama, though, could you have each set of parents host a table instead?  This is what we did, and it ended up working best because otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to seat all our parents, grandparents, and "special guests" at the same table.

Post # 11
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

we are sitting with my parents, his dad, and the maid of honor (and date) and a single groomsman.  We then have his step-dad who he is not close with seated at another table with his mom’s side of the family (his mom has health problems and won’t be in attendance).  I haven’t heard any complaints yet…however I’m sure I will the day of and afterwards 😉 

Post # 12
Member
618 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Sorry you have to deal with this.  Why are seating arrangements so hard??!! 

Personally, I think you should just split them up.  No need to cause drama if its not necessary (although they are the ones causing it, not you).  Give each set of parents their own table and let them sit with their friends/family.  I know it’d be really nice to have them all together at one table having a smashing time during dinner and getting to know each other, but it doesn’t always work that way.  Best to split them up and let them hang with their friends too.  They’re going to have a lifetime to get to know each other better. 

Post # 13
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Hmm, most of the weddings I’ve been to have separated the parents.  Not because they don’t get along (quite the opposite), but because there was enough family on both sides to seat everyone at their own table.  Although our parents get along quite well, my parents will want to sit with my mom’s family (she has 4 siblings); and his parents will want to sit with his mother’s family (3 siblings)!  We want them to be comfortable.  Our parents will have spent enough quality time with each other at the rehearsals and the morning of, that they’ll want to spend time with their closest family (their best friends) for a few hours at the reception.

Post # 14
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I actually have thought about this, but only in my mind so far. I haven’t actually touched on this subject yet.

My fiances mom said to me, when she handed me her guest list, please let me decide the seating for my people … I’m like ok! Lol. Please, I don’t know. She’s so pushy though, so I will let her HELP me with seating. 

My fiances best man is his brother who’s married and my maid of honor is my little sister,  and that’s our wedding party! Apart from our ring boy. I think that fiance wants to sit at a table with me alone, and have kings chairs, lol. 

His brother will want to sit with his wife, I assume, and my sister, who I’m allowing to invite a couple friends – will want to hang out with them. 

I will just let the parents decide who they would like to sit with. 

Post # 16
Member
6010 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Lol, is it rude to say that I am still laughing from your last line?  Classic.  I think your dad and your Fi have a very good point in that you wouldn’t want something you have no control over whatsoever (i.e. your gandma’s bad behavior) to hurt your FIL’s feelings.  However, I think a compromise might be necessary (i.e. you’re dad doesn’t get to sit with his mom). 

Are you having a head table?  How big is your bridal party?  And do you have anyone else "special" in the wedding that is also coming to the reception (like readers, an officant, etc…)?  All I can say is what I would do, and that would be to keep your grandma away from your FIL’s.  Sit your grandma and step-grandfather with your uncle and his family and one other "special" couple (like a good friend of the family or someone that knows and can deal with your grandma).  Another table of your FBIL’s family along with two other "special" couples or a family of four that he can tolerate (cousins from your side or your FH’s side or maybe even two bridal party members and their dates if you are not having a head table).  Finally, another table for your parents, your Fi’s parents and each of them gets to choose one couple (NOT your grandma and step-grandfather!) to sit with them.  If you are not having a head table, you could seat you, your Fi, your best man, and maid of honor at the table with your parents instead.

Obviously this is a really complicated situation, especially if you’re feeling a little ganged up on by your Fi and your dad.  But from reading your story it does seem like your grandma has the potenetial to really offend/hurt your FIL’s, and I think that would be such a terrible thing at your marriage celebration.

Alternatively, have your parents each host a table.  Your parents, your grandparents, and your uncle’s family at one; your FIL’s, your FBIL’s family, and another family friend or close couple at the other.  Having parents each host a table is just as normal as having parents sit together and not weird at all.  🙂 

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