Post # 1
me and my fh are having a little bit of a spat at the moment, the other night a friend and I went out for a girls night. at the night club my friend and i were talking with a group of guys and one of thier friends which was a female. they baught us a shot each and we end when the bar closed. at the end of the night my friend and i announced that we were going to a local 24 hour restaurant. the guys followed us and ended up joining there. when we got there we all hung out and one of the guys paid for all of the tables food. we got home at around 4:15 (cab ride was half hour long). the next day i told my FH everything and he lost it, i promised that i wouldnt do it again (even thought i didnt ever intend on anything other than a friendly conersation nothing more). since then he has snooped in my fb and found an old converation with one of my old roomates (which was male) stating that he wanted to catch up and go for coffee. in this Facebook coversation all i raved about was my FH and our future wedding and our children. now where the spat is steming from is the fact that i didnt tell my FH about this conversation even though i clearly was dealing the coffee date because i never intended to ever meet up with him. should i have said to my FH ”hey old roommate is wanting to go out for coffee but i dont want to just a heads up”.
i know this is petty and stupid but he is wanting me to get and ”outside oppionion”
I love my FH and would NEVER do anything to hurt him but he just cant seem to get past his distrust. there was a situation about 4 years ago that he always brings up, i had met another guy when we first had started dating and we hung out a few times. at this time i was in a different mind space and was unsure of what i wanted, since then things have changed drastically. I never ended up physicaly doing anything with this other guy.
two three questions that we are needing to seattle.
a) is it wrong for a 2 people to meet others of the opposite sex and hang out as a group?
b) after the FH promised that he would start trusting me go in behind my back and check FB anyhow.
c) was it wrong for me to talk to my old roomate and not tell him.
thank you bees in advance 😉
Post # 3
b) going through your phone or Facebook or mail without your permission is a violation of privacy and not a sign of a stable or healthy relationship.
c)if you were just complaining (we all need to complain sometimes!) it’s not wrong. if there were other hidden intentions, yes, it’s wrong and you need to address it.
Post # 4
I think your fiance is over reacting.
Its OK to talk to people of the opposite sex. Especially old roommates/friends and catch up over coffee. why would you tell him you chatted with him? DH doesnt tell me when he talks to his girl friends or me when I talk to my guy friends just because they are of the other sex. We will mention what they said if its interesting or news worthy. Just like any other conversation I have with people. I dont even always tell him when I talked to his own mother.
Its OK to talk to people of the opposite sex and even grab some food like you did if its with several other people (your friends) and its made clear that you are involved with someone.
He needs to trust you because you have shown to be trustworthy and until you demonstrate otherwise he sounds a bit controlling and over sensitive.
Post # 5
@shel_lee_1: Uhh I’m engaged but that does not mean my single girlfriends are! If they want to flirt with some guys I should be able to talk to the guys as well with no intentions. Jeez, what are you supposed to do? Say don’t talk to me i’m with someone and go sit in the corner? Pfft.
I don’t think you should have apologized for anything that night because it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. I would feel violated if someone was going through emails/facebook accounts and would put my foot down. This sounds like controling behavior.
I wouldn’t talk to people behind his back though. I don’t think this is completely honest.
Post # 6
It all depends on your relationship. That would all be a no-no in mine. We do not hang out with members of the opposite sex without the other, period. Talking to someone on facebook without mentioning it, for us, is a no-no. We have both agreed to let each other know if we are contacted by someone of the opposite sex, especially if it is an invitation to hang out.
Our “rules” for ourselves wouldn’t work for every relationship, but they are mutually understood and agreed upon, so they work for us.
Post # 7
thank you everyone for your honest oppinions it is much appriciated
Post # 8
Your Fi is over reacting big time. There’s nothing wrong with a group of friends going out jeesh, tell him to put away the leash. Your right he’s wrong!
Post # 9
personally, i don’t see anything wrong with anything that you did. my fi would not be upset in the least. i am assuming, however, that is isn’t a regular occurance.
it doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything to make your fi doubt you. i would be very put off by his suspicions.