Post # 1
So my FI and I have recently gotten “officially” engaged. We had decided on getting married together (no surprise ring engagement proposal) and had decided to announce to our families about our plan. While we were announcing to my aunts and uncles in person (my parents and his side of the family already knew) my FI got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. It was very sweet, but not at all what I was hoping for. We haven’t picked out the engagement ring yet, and my aunts and uncles aren’t the closest people in my family. I’m somewhat hoping that once we’ve chosen a ring, my FI will do another proposal with a romantic dinner or some sort of surprise just the two of us or something. I know I may sound really selfish, but I guess I just had this grand idea of what it would be like when the man I love would ask me to marry him and I just feel it was a little rushed and too planned. (Thank you Hollywood for that image.) Is it selfish of me to ask that of him? I know it took a lot of courage to get down on knee, but for me we had already planned to make the announcement of our wedding, so getting down on one knee seems planned as well and not very romantic in front of people I don’t care so much for. Have any bees had two proposals from their FIs? I know it’s not the proposal that makes the wedding, but I still can’t help for something more. What’s wrong with me??? Help!!
Post # 3
Do not say anything to him about a second proposal. Get that hollywood image out of your mind and be greatful for your future togethe as husband and wife.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t ask him. You got your proposal. Some bees don’t even get that. He might decide to do something when you get the ring, but don’t get too hung up on that. Focus on the important part – you’re engaged to your fiancé!
Post # 5
I can smypathize with the feeling however I’m so strongly against bringing up ring and proposal dissapointment.
Post # 6
Hmm, I disagree with the other posters. I don’t think there’s any harm in asking him to propose again when he gives you the ring, but I wouldn’t mention anything about being disappointed with your first two proposals.
My fiance proposed beautifully (and nervously!) and then it turned out that the ring was too big. When the ring came back, he didn’t tell me that he’d gotten it and he re-proposed, beautifully again! I was really surprised that I got two proposals, but it was so nice. Maybe when you pick out your ring and order it, you could tell him that you’d like him to surprise you when he gives it to you. I don’t think that would bruise his ego at all.
Post # 7
@likelimeade: You never asked your fiance to re-propose to you though, your situation is different. I bet he will feel super insecure if asked to re-propose. If anything just celebrate the engagagement together by going out to a nice dinner.
Post # 8
I tend to agree with PP and I wouldn’t ask for a second proposal. I can think of only one bride I’ve “seen” that asked for a second (and a third) and she was on the TV show, “Bridezillas”.
My proposal did not go at all according to plan because I “ruined” it and my poor FI had this beautiful romantic vision. Oh well. It’s a funny (okay, and semi-pathetic) story for us that truly reflects us as a couple. And truthfully, after the first couple of months, no one asks anymore.
If he decides to do it of his own accord, that’s another thing of course.
Post # 9
Such is life.
All you can really do is say “So, are you planning to do anything special when you give that to me?” once you’ve got the ring. Don’t push. If he doesn’t get the hint, or doesn’t want to propose again, then you’re just kind of stuck.
Post # 10
How about you propose back to him when the ring comes in? You can make it everything you’ve ever dreamed of
Post # 11
@AlwaysSunny: OOOOO that’s a good idea!
Post # 12
@AlwaysSunny: That’s a reeeally good idea. It would be hilarious and awesome. Thanks for the suggestion!
@likelimeade: I’ve somewhat hinted that it would be nice to have a proposal when we have the ring. He’s French and in France they don’t ask the girl for their hand in marriage with a ring, so the concept is a little new to him and he knows how much I’d like it. But we’ll see. I don’t want to get too many ideas because yes, what he did before took a lot of courage and I know it came from the heart.
I think my biggest issue with our proposal was we were already making the announcement so it wasn’t really a surprise when it happened and everyone was talking when he said what he said( typical of my family). I actually had to ask him to repeat it to me later because I wasn’t quite sure I heard the phrasing right. But maybe just repeating the exact thing he said before when it’s just the two of us with the ring I think would be more than enough.
Just to be clear, I’m not at all disappointed that he proposed. I think I’m more disappointed with the fact that my aunts and uncles weren’t very disrespectful of what he was doing, and almost seemed as if they took it as a joke. I think that’s what ruined the moment for me.
Post # 13
I had a pretty LAME proposal. Like, it was….just…awful. It’s a long and not very pretty story. Not even the kind you can brush off and laugh about later. The actual popping the question was fine, but everything leading up to it was just NOT.
I hinted I wanted a new one, and FI didn’t catch my drift.
Now it’s too late.
My point: FI gets realllly upset with himself about it. He wishes he had thought on his own to re-do it. Whenever our proposal comes up he gets this look on his face, like if he had just one wish, he would choose to go back and change it. He still beats himself up over everything that happened. Sometimes he gets mad with himself (which is odd and not like him) and calls himself things like “such an idiot” etc. I’ve totally moved past it, but he hasn’t. He has so many regrets. It’s like a happy moment in the center of a bad memory.
If this is how you really feel inside, be straight forward but kind to your FI about it. Don’t have him read between the lines. He’ll always look back at that moment like he was some kind of fool or something. You’ll always feel like a little something was missing.
Feeling those things has nothing to do with how much you love one another or how happy you are that you’ll be spending the rest of your lives together.
Just giving you a different perspective!:)
Post # 14
I don’t get the re-do’s. That to me would feel even more forced and I would just feel silly. You are engaged. Proposals are meant for unengaged couples. Just brush it off and start having fun planning the wedding.
Post # 15
I can understand this, my FI proposed in much the same way. We had been talking marriage and rings for a while. And the he asked me and I said yes. Now we are in the official ring shopping phase, because he asked if I wanted to be involved. I am planning to be involved to the extent that I show him styles I like.
Omce the ring becomes a reality, I hope that he does ask me again while giving me the ring. It doesn’t have to be some staged Hollywoodesque event, I just want him to ask me so that i can tell him yes again 🙂
Post # 16
Proposing is really nerve-racking but coming up with all of the surprises is really fun! I think part of why it can be so scary is the concept that it can only be done once, so it’s as if you have to fulfill everything you can imagine all in one go. But after I proposed to my FI, I told her that I wanted to propose to her every year! That way, I could propose to her in different seasons, in different locations that are very special to us, and with different surprises and mementos!
I don’t think you need to be afraid about talking to him saying that you’d like more proposals because you’re disappointed in your family’s response, not in him. And if you ask him after you propose to him, I feel like that makes it all the more fun. =D