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It is still exciting and you can still have a wonderful wedding if you want to. But personally I do see where they are comming from. It is technically a second marriage for both of you, but that doesn't mean it can't be a beautiful wedding still. Forgive the horrible analogy here but it is like having a second child, everyone is still super excited, but they already gave presents, already had the shower, etc. just my thoughts. Maybe they are not the same as other bees
@globalmargaret: Sad thing is, I never even had a bridal shower! Tons of friends have shown up for my friends and their weddings, but no one is even interested in mine. It's just sad :(
Awwww :( I am a divorced bride on my encore marriage too...the thing is I have a different group of friends all these years later who never even knew me when I was married before, so this is not an issue for me. I am sad for you, because you deserve that excitement!! I never had a bachelorette party, and for sure, I'm having one this time. I'm not sure how to address your concern with your friends...
You both made it out of crappy relationships alive and found someone who treats you well and makes you happy... that sounds special to me :)
Pick a friend who would be the most understanding and tell her how you feel. Sometimes women think they don't deserve a lot of hype over their second marriage and it shows. You may be sending off signals that you don't want a lot of attention. Make sure she knows how special this is to you and I'm sure she'll be more than happy to share your excitement with you.
@Spinder: What do you mean by "not as excited"? Also, how long ago was your first wedding? Did you have all of the traditional parties the first time around?
I'm a second time bride and I actualy find myself downplaying the wedding more than my friends and family. I didn't have a shower or bachelorette the first time around, and I assumed I wouldn't this time either. But it sounds like my MOH and mother have a few parties and events planned. I'm completely overwhelmed by their generosity - but still worried about the perception.
I think a big part of why they're going all out is because I didn't get those things the first time and because my first wedding was 10 years ago. A lot of the friends I have now weren't involved back then, so I think they're treating it like my first "real" wedding.
@sportsgal31: I was first married in March of '10. I never had a bachelorette party, or even a bridal shower. Even my own parents aren't treating it as being as special. There was no rehersal dinner, just a wedding and reception. This time around there isn't even going to be a reception. We're having a small ceremony for cost and calling it good.
I just want people to at least pretend that they're happy for me.
I was first married in March of '10
so you were married, divorced and remarrying again within 21mths??
i have tried to type this out a number of times without sounding bitchy (and failed) but here goes - its understandable that people arent getting excited about paying for parties and gifts to be honest. not knowing you or your situation of course but 2 weddings to two different men in less than 2yrs before you are 25yrs old is tough for people to get excited about
goodluck, i hope you do enjoy your day
@eloping Unfortunately, I agree.
OP, it kind of seems like you're rushing things. Even though it wasn't your fault that your first marriage ended so soon, it still seems like you're jumping into another marriage without giving the first one time to cool. How long have you been dating your current SO? My guess is that given your track record, friends and family are probably thinking this marriage will have a shelf life similar to your first and don't want to get excited about what may end up being a short term thing.
@eloping: Totally agree with you. Married twice in 21 months doesn't sound like a good track record. Sorry if thats harsh. I too wouldn't be all that excited for the Bride. People may be thinking 'here she goes again' and 'how long to you think this one will last'. Sadly everyone will have an option, just try to enjoy your day. I hope this marriage lasts for you both.
@eloping: +2. I didnt know how to respond to this thread honestly. I think you hit the nail on the head.
@Spinder I am sorry that this is the situation you are in. I hope some of your close friends anf family can become more excited for you.
I'm one of those people who doesn't necessarily get as frothy about second marriages. I do get excited for them, but the parties and the squealing over the ring and the huge bridal party that maybe went with the first wedding, I don't see as working quite as well for the second. And I don't think a second wedding is any less beautiful, special or meaningful, for not having those "extras."
Especially not a wedding that's two years apart from the first one.
While I think that you are still entitled to have a pretty wedding and enjoy your day, I can understand why family/friends would be having a hard time being as excited. You are very young, it hasnt been very long since your last wedding, and as a rule of thumb, people usually dont get very excited over 2nd marriages.
Don't worry about them. If you are happy, then enjoy your day and don't let them bring you down.
@eloping: I'm afraid I have to agree with this as to why people are not excited.
I find this thread heartbreaking.
OP, I hope that you are able to find support and excitement for your upcoming wedding. I am certain that you didn't go into your previous marriage with any clue that it was going to end the way it did. You deserve a loving, happy, good marriage. Best of luck!
@Spinder: I understand that you are excited about this wedding, and that it can be hurtful if your loved ones aren't as excited as you are. I get that, it's a bummer. My own family doesn't seem super keen either, and it's my first wedding, ha! BUT. In the end, all this "stuff" ie. showers, rehersal dinners, pretty flowers, fancy cake, poofy dresses, (etc!) doesn't mean bubkus at the end of the day. What is important is the MARRIAGE, not the WEDDING. And what else is important is that you protect your excitement regardless of what anyone else thinks or does or says. Yes, it would be wonderful if they all got on the Happy Train with you. And I sincerely hope they do! SOON! But if they don't, and they might not for whatever reason, please enjoy your day and I wish you a long and happy marriage this time! And I'm sure your loved ones do too.
@eloping: <~~~ You're getting married NEXT month... you got married, divorced, met someone new, got engaged, and will be married in less than 2 years. If you were one of my friends, I wouldn't outright tell you not to do it, but I would probably be avoiding you and changing the subject if you brought up your upcoming nuptuals. If I was family, I would tell you to slam on the breaks and take your time.
@eloping: I agree, I probably would act the same if I were the OP's friend. I would have a hard time being supportive, much less excited of that, I would have a hard time even taking it seriously.
*hugs* I definitely feel your pain! I'm planning my second wedding and while I am lucky enough to have a fair amount of people who are excited and happy, there are for sure some Debbie Downers. Several friends have suggested we go to the courthouse and when I thank them for their ideas, but explain that my partner and I are very excited to plan a wedding we both want (and while I have no issue w/ JoP, it's not for us) they are rude. One friend barely talks to me and says it's tacky that I want a white dress. Do what makes you happy and don't worry about anyone but you and your partner
@spinder- I'm sorry that you finally found the person you love and not everyone is as excited as you would like them to be. And after reading this thread you can probably understand why. It's hard to not be judgemental when you don't know the full story or either the bride and groom intimately as I'm sure not all of your guests do. I would try to include only those very close to you and your FI who undertstand the situation and are supportive of your reasoning of getting married and getting married so quickly after your divorce. It's hard to expect people who don't know all of the details to be 100% supportive and if it were me and we were just friends and not extremely close I might not me as excited about going to a second wedding so soon. Try to not let your happiness depend on other people's excitement and instead focus on all the reasons you came upon to make this decision. You must be in love with your FI to be getting married, try to focus on that and the joy that you two bring each other.
It's just sort of how things go with second marriages, especially when they come pretty soon after a divorce. My SO and I are planning on a 2013 wedding. He's been married before, for a very short period of time, but the fact is that it's his second wedding and I just expect that his side of the family won't be as excited. It's a little hard for me to swallow because it is my first wedding, and I kind of want the cheer squad..but I've come to terms with it and will rely on my side of the family to be happy for me. Oh, and us, we're happy for us :)
You can't force other people to be excited for you. Just be excited for yourselves, and whoever shares in your joy will celebrate with you.
@Spinder: You said you weren't doing a reception, just a wedding ceremony, so it sounds like maybe your friends are picking up that you are treating this wedding as a more low key affair. That has nothing to do with the marriage, but obviously friends are going to be more excited and involved if there is a rehearsal dinner, shower, bacherlorette, etc.
@Magdalena: I second what you said exactly.
Nonetheless, if you feel like this is the real deal, prove everyone wrong by making this marriage last! Unfortunately, with such a fast "turn-around" you probably won't sense your friends and family's happiness until it's further down the road and everyone sees that you are in a happy, healthy, stable marriage...
Best of luck! You deserve happiness :-)
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So long story short, I'm divorced at the age of 22. My ex decided he didn't love me anymore, and went to bang his ex girlfriends instead, then promptly left me with nothing.
The good news? I'm engaged again, and getting married next month! I've found my soul mate and can't wait to spend forever with him. He's divorced as well, from a similar cheating and abusive ex, but we've both had time to heal and are ready to spend our lives devoted to eachother, and no one else.
The issue is, that my friends aren't treating me like it's special. It's as if a second marriage (eventhough we're both young, excited, and had short previous marriages), isn't nearly as important, that's it's no longer "my big day".
This doesn't seem fair. I'm just as excited as any bride could be, but no one is excited with me. What can I do? Has anyone else had this problem?