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That's EXACTLY how my boyfriends parent's are, and it TERRIFIES me that they are so very polite. I would have no idea if they were mad at me (which they have no reason to be, but if they did one day... I wouldn't know). I'd love to be closer to them, but I don't really have anything to talk about with them... good luck! I know how hard it is!
I think you're very lucky to have great ex-in-laws and your fiance is okay with it. My husband would rather my cut all the ties even though they live far away and they're great. Oh well
Your post reminds me of every time I broke-up with a boyfriend - I was usually more sad about "breaking up" with the family as opposed to the boy itself!
I say be happy with what you have - it could be way way worse and I am sure that you will get closer over the years!
You can't pick your family... as they say! My late husbands family are GREAT and we continue to have a great relationship 5 1/2 years after my husbands untimely death. (They were invited to my future wedding) My FI's family... not so much. He has a non-existant relationship with most of his family, his mom, was not invited to the wedding, same goes for one sister... they were NASTY to him during his divorce, never concerned with his happiness. Be grateful the in-laws are polite, I bet they'll warm up in time...if not, understand that family dynamics are different for all families.
I think you're right to ahve the "thank my lucky stars" attitude. You have an amicable relationship with your ex and family. That is priceless. Iwouldn't hold hope to get that closeness with the new in-laws. (Since you say they aren't that close to each other.) Different strokes for different folks.
Yeah, you won't hit the jackpot every time! Maybe you can think about getting to know the new in-laws individually rather than as a group. You won't have that same group cameraderie atmosphere, but you can still form meaningful bonds. They all sound like they are pretty great though; you are lucky!
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I feel terrible for feeling this way, so I'm hoping that getting this off my chest and hearing your advice might help. First, some back story:
I was married to ex-husband for ten years and we had one daughter together. Break up and divorce were pretty amicable and we are still on good terms. I love his family like my own and am still in regular contact with them for my daughters sake- but also because they are just wonderful people. They are a very close family who always treated me like their own daughter/sister etc. And you should know that my fiance thinks they are great too.
But now that I am engaged and thinking about my wedding and the future, I have become a little bummed that I am not close with Fiance's family. They are all very nice, very polite people. But they are not a close family within themselves and I long to have that connection with them that I have with the first in-laws.
I try to tell myself that this might take time (although we've been together 2 years) and that maybe its ok if it never happens. After reading some of the other in-law posts, maybe I should just thank my lucky stars that they are very pleasant, yet distant people. What do you think?