second thank-you note for coming to the wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I send a second thank you note in this case?
    yes, send a separate thank you for attending the wedding : (23 votes)
    38 %
    no, one thank you note per guest/couple is enough : (30 votes)
    49 %
    maybe, send a second thank you if there was a long time between gift and wedding : (8 votes)
    13 %
    other : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    610 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

    I would probably send her another thank you note. As far as I know, you’re thanking each guest for attending your day, not for giving you a gift. So even though she sent you a present before, she still came to your wedding so I would send another one.

    EDIT: So according to the poll other people disagree with me! 😛 I’m really not sure what ettiquette says to do or not to do, but I would personally send another. 


    Post # 4
    667 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    No, you don’t send thank you notes for coming. This goes for if someone fails to get you a gift, too… no thank you card, then.

    Post # 5
    3217 posts
    Sugar bee

    No.  You’ve already thanked them at least twice for coming.  1) The reception itself is a thank you 2) Speaking with each guest, you must have said “thanks for coming”. 

    To send another note is not only redundant, but can also be seen as fishing for more gifts. 

    Technically, your guests should be sending you a bread and butter thank you note for hosting them.

    Post # 7
    1018 posts
    Bumble bee

    @VMars:  I think *etiquette* would say you don’t NEED to send another thank you note but I would out of courtesy at least. It’s wonderful that you sent one right away after receiving her gift, but I think sending a second one says “I really appreciate you coming out to support us and celebrate with us at our wedding” instead of just thanks, we got a gift from you and that’s all we needed!

    Post # 8
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    Yeah, I’d say that one note would suffice. Though it’s customary to give thank yous at things like weddings and baby showers, really, you’re thanking everyone in person on the day of for their attendance, and no one would think ill of you if you didn’t send something after thanking them for coming. Well, not most rational people, anyway.

    Post # 9
    489 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    How does it look like your fishing for more gifts? I don’t think so at all. If anything I think it shows you appreciated them coming more than the gift. I probably would send another. People like to receive thank you cards.

    Post # 10
    10886 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    You only need to send a note of thanks to acknowledge receipt of a gift, not for someone’s attendance at your wedding.

    If you are acknowledging your gifts as you receive them, then none of those individuals or couples needs to receive an additional note of thanks following the wedding. 

    Post # 11
    1644 posts
    Bumble bee

    @MissKit:  People, including hostesses, do indeed like to receive thank-you cards. That is why guests should write bread-and-butter notes.

    In fact, people like receiving anything in the letter-box that is not junk-mail or bills. Or parking tickets, but that is a personal sore point today and I digress. Since people love receiving notes, it would be a wonderful idea for us all, brides or not, guests or not, gifts received or not, to send pleasant little notes of greeting to one another for no reason at all but friendliness and kindness. No reason not to do so if you are looking back on your wedding with fond reminiscence and thinking of a particular guest with pleasure.

    But neither etiquette, nor basic courtesy which is just another name for etiquette, actually require you to send a thank-you note to guests for attending a party. And the strain induced by the mistakenly perceived obligation to write scores of generic nearly-identical thank-you notes comes through in every stilted word. Write notes if you like: witty, charming, original notes. And then if you receive such a note, write back in kind! But no-one need do so out of a dogged obligation, and no-one should be imposing such an obligation on others.


    Post # 13
    9859 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I would send one.  You probably don’t NEED to, but I would. 

    Post # 14
    45 posts
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @andielovesj:  +1

    You already thanked them for the gift with the thank-you note and for coming to the wedding with the reception and in person. You’re good 🙂

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