(Closed) Second Thoughts? Normal or not? Pre-wedding jitters- what is this??

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think everyone deals with things differently.I think some of this is normal. I am also worried about divorced and being happily married.

I do think you sound very anxious, have other things been stressing out?

In the meantime I would focus some energy on getting on doing things to firm up your marriage, so talking about finances, children, lifestyle, taking alone time with no wedding talk.

I do think if you are getting anxiety to the point where you are scared it may be time to decompress and take time for yourself, if you lost control over it and it’s causing you big issues then I would see a professional who can help you come up with positive coping skills. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

 I think it’s normal. With 3 months to go, I’ve been having the same thoughts. I spoke with my FI about it; he helped me put things into prospective with one sentence… he said, “Nothing is going to change”….  

He’s right. He will still be the same person and so will I the next day and every day after that.

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@amyxb:  Sounds pretty normal to me. I’m an anxious person and have the same sort of thoughts. Sometimes I am terrified of losing him, and other times I question if we’ll get divorced. I think I am just paranoid and then keeping on thinking/overanalyzing the same issues makes me feel crazy lol.

Post # 6
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Totally and utterly normal – especially if you’re an anxious personality type (like me) ๐Ÿ™‚ I recommend Sheryl Paul – check out her blog – http://www.conscious-transitions.com – she specialises with this type of anxiety around major life transitions. She also does a wonderful e-course that goes into more depth about where your anxieties lie.

Post # 7
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

You said you will die without him. That alone shows the depth of your feelings for him. Go marry this wonderful man and don’t look back! Wish you all the happiness in the world! 

Post # 10
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@amyxb:  Don’t worry my dear, I’ve been there and I’m still here! But then again I question myself about every single decision I make, so why wouldn’t I question myself about the biggest decision I’ve ever made?! It helps to look at it this way ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 11
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

@amyxb:  I’m so glad I could touch your heart. And please don’t feel guilty. Just throw caution to the wind and jump into the preparations for the wedding. Like they say, yesterday was history and tomorrow’s a mystery; today is precious, that’s why it is called ‘the present’. You love your SO and he loves you back. The two of you are getting married. Don’t think beyond this, for now. Imagine a glittering golden door that is very tempting but it is closed for now. That’s your future. You don’t know what lies beyond it. Why waste you time looking at it when you can simply turn around and enjoy the view? By the time that door opens, this view won’t be there. So enjoy it while it is here. There are greater thing in store. 

Post # 13
Member
3248 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@amyxb:  You sound like me– even though I am not yet engaged. 

I think that going over everything carefully, the good and the bad, is natural and necessary when evaluating a relationship; particularly wondering “will this really be forever?” I have been doing the very same thing for a few months, and like you, I doubt things about the relationship and then feel absolutely ill at the thought of life without him. I can’t imagine it– so I try not to!

If you truly love each other, you can stand each other’s quirks, and there are no massive issues that you feel may cause conflict later, then the two of you are probably going to be fine! It’s almost certainly just formal commitment jitters, which I imagine are somewhat common. Also, since you have been together for 6 years, you already know each other very well; heck, you’ve spent 6 years of your lives on each other! That’s a long time, and counts for something, especially if you have been and are generally happy together. So, sounds like a stage you have to get through– perhaps the two of you can make sure you spend some special quality time together right now, to remind yourselves and each other of why exactly you are to be married to one another!

Best of luck– I’m sure you’ll be fine!

 

Post # 15
Member
3248 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@amyxb:  I’m glad I could help! 

The jitters suck. . . but seemingly they’re quite normal! It does feel awful when you start doubting a relationship that you envision being forever, but I think that has to happen sometime in every relationship. And I am unfortunately familiar with the guilt, but since I think everyone who thinks their relationship over really carefully when going into a serious commitment must have these thoughts at one point or another. You and your man sound really compatible, so try not to worry about it– worrying about your worries is likely only to make them worse than they really are. Remind yourself of all the wonderful things about your relationship. Do whatever you do to relieve anxiety! I think with all big decisions we tend to second-guess– it’s human nature (grass is always greener? Ugh!). At some point, we all have to decide– and it looks like you have. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 16
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think because you get emotional about the thought of being WITHOUT him I’d say youre going to be just fine and your mind is just temporarily crazy and out of sorts right now. Is it possible the underlying root of all this is that you may feel insecure about yourself and what you’re really worrying about is how he would feel if he had to live without you? I mean no offense just wondering that’s all. 

Edit: I’ve been with my fiancé for 7 1/2 years with absolutely no major arguments/issues. Periodically I freak out a little and (very stupidly) provoke him into a little spat. I’ve realized that I do this because I think it’s weird that we never really fight and the long spells of peace feels like I’m “waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

Maybe it’s the same for you that after 6 years of no turmoil you feel it’s been too good to be true (and about to get better in 6 months lol) and you wonder about why it’s been so good for you guys, hence the current doubts?

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