Second thoughts on inviting a friend and his wife

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:
    Invite them? : (4 votes)
    16 %
    Exclude them : (21 votes)
    84 %
  • Post # 3
    3813 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    If you feel like you’ve grown apart enough to not invite them, that’s totally valid and up to you.

    Post # 4
    1327 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    It depends on how much you’ve grow apart.  A lot of friendships go through phases, so if you feel like this is just a time you’re not close but could be again in the future I would invite them.  If not leave them off the list.  Just keep in mind that if you don’t invite them it might seal the deal on ending the friendship since they could be offended.

    Post # 5
    1362 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

    They haven’t gotten a STD.  No reason you are obligated to invite them.  If they ask, explain that you decided on a very small, intimate wedding with family only.

    Post # 6
    920 posts
    Busy bee

    @Cordellia:  in my opinion, if you have not sent out STD’s then you are golden. As far as Im conerned if they dont even check in with you when they come into town, they shouldnt expect anything anyway.. and being that they eloped themselves they know all about cutting a guest list and having the most important people at a ceremony.

    and also like stated above, not inviting them could be the final straw and put the nail in the coffin in your relationsip.

    Post # 7
    705 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @LMD:  +1

    @mckey430:  +1

    I say save that spot for someone you’re closer with now or save some money!

    Post # 8
    2798 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I am in this territory with a few friends of mine.  We kind of stopped doing the hobby that everyone else does, and don’t see them as often.  At the same time, we decided to be the ones offering the olive branch and invite them.  If they don’t show up, well, that’s not our fault.

    If there were any budget or venue size considerations we needed to worry about, we wouldn’t be inviting them, but we are at the point with people/venue size/yes my parents are paying where axeing two people form our list doesn’t make a difference.

    Post # 9
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    Don’t send a save the date card. If you feelings change when it is time for invitations, you can add them back to the list, but if things stay how they are, I wouldn’t bother to invite them, personally.

    Totally up to you on this one! 

    Post # 10
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Doesn’t sound like you consider them very good friends. I wouldn’t send them an invite.

    Post # 12
    1506 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    @Cordellia:  To me, a friend calling at 2am to chat is a stupid reason to grow apart.

    Post # 14
    6455 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’m going to be honest- your reasons seem a bit strange. He called you at 2:30 am to chat? I mean, it’s not the best decision but this is why I don’t have my phone on at 2:30 am. Him saying “so soon” was probably just a joke. I doubt he actually met it. As far as them not letting you know they are in town… I have moved away from my home town and have a few very good friends in that town. I absolutely do not tell them every time I come home. I usually have very little time to see them. It’s not because I don’t want to see them but rather because family usually comes first and we don’t usually have a lot of extra time.

    If you feel that you have truly grown apart then don’t invite them.

    Post # 16
    3249 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    You gave them an informal STD.  All this “it’s fine because you have not sent out STD’s” argument is a technicality.  When you tell someone a date, and say to hold it, you are telling them that you intend to invite them.  Not inviting them at this point is, and will be seen, as uninviting them, and is basically terminating the relationship.  If you like them, and want to be friends in the future, get over it and invite them.  If you don’t care, do whatever makes you feel better.

    Honestly, though, I would guess the chances of them coming are slim, anyway.


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