Second time bride – what to do??

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee

FLAussie:  

I have been a bridal consultant for three years and have met every kind of bride you could imagine. I have found with my second time brides that if you are one of the girls that it didn’t work out the first time around, it was destined the next. Do what makes you happy not what others expect of you, this is about you and your fiance and the people their to support you not judge you. If there are people you are afraid will laugh in your face to be honest they probably should not be attending in the first place, its still a wedding so do it up to whatever you want as the bride.

Post # 3
Member
6905 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

FLAussie:  I think you’ve looked up the wrong web sites! As a fellow Aussie, my experience here is that no one will care that it’s your second wedding. A few of my friends have married a second time and (to my knowledge) had no dramas at all. Wear whatever colour dress you want, and do whatever else you want to.

The only etiquette rules that matter are the ones to do with general politeness (i.e. how to treat your guests properly). Any “etiquette rules” about what dress you can wear or who can be in your wedding party are, as Jack Sparrow would say, more like guidelines.

Post # 4
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Sedona Golf Resort

FLAussie:  I was a second time bride and similar to you, I knew my ex for only 60-days before we married! I did manage to stay married for 10-years, but the wedding was small and hardly any family and friends. The whole thing was planned in like 2-weeks and I paid less than $30 for my dress. 

This time I decided I didn’t want to cheat myself. I had the wedding I always wanted, and while I was very price conscious I cared nothing about rules. As a matter of fact not only did I wear white (Ivory) I asked all my guests to wear white too in support of our union. Make your own rules, this day is about you and your love. Honor your marriage by being proud and boldly defy all those stupid rules. I promise the only people that will judge are those jealous of your courage to ignore tradition and live life with happiness, hope and freedom. 

Below is a pic of my all white wedding which did include my children too. 

Post # 5
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My dear. I am a second time bride. First time mistake of a very brief marriage, but gifted me with a beautiful daughter. First time it was us alone with a coworker / preacher marrying us in the park. My girly dreams of a wedding dashed as I stood there feeling all fat in blue jeans and a white sweater, to poor to buy a dress. No flowers or cake. No honeymoon but just a typical resturant dinner. 

Flash forward 20 years later – I am marrying the love of my life, heaven sent – with a dress that has a train, in a chapel/church ( I wanted the outdoor thing but I don’t like sweating).  I will have my flowers, and cake, honeymoon suite and do the honeymoon Vacation.  No, not having the full blown wedding for private and financial reasons. I chose to spend my money on a honeymoon and I’m choosing privacy and to keep the drama low.

I don’t care what others think. I’m older. Dress like a bride. Hold your head high. Celebrate your love. This is the day and age most rules are out the door. some things can be changed up, example showers are gifted for items other than house hold items.  Do what suits you. 

but, yes. If Debbie downers are going to rain on your parade, ignore them or don’t invite them. enjoy being a bride. this is about you two…..not others.  People told me that years ago. I now understand it. I hope you will also. 

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  KathyEE67.
Post # 6
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

that is a beautiful picture! And a beautiful family!

Post # 7
Member
41847 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

FLAussie:  Have the wedding you want. I can think of many more egregious errors of etiquette committed by first time brides- hosting your own shower anyone?

The people you invite to your wedding are likely familiar with your history and they love you . They also know that you will be moving and need to start fresh with household effects.

Post # 8
Member
2679 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

FLAussie:  I doubt most people will snicker. Do want you want. (snickering probably doesn’t start until the 4th wedding.

Post # 9
Member
7243 posts
Busy Beekeeper

FLAussie:  Everyone deserves the wedding they want and can afford. As long as you treat your guests well that is all that matters. What you wear, how you decorate etc etc are entirely up to you.

Post # 10
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee

FLAussie:  Your post makes me want to cry. Stop reading negative wedding blogs and have the wedding you want. Who would be so cruel as to snicker at a wedding simply because someone has been married before- especially in this day and age?? You know your guest list, and if you have unkind friends or family who would try and tear you down, don’t invite them to celebrate your marriage. As far as gifts goes, it is perfectly fine to register for whatever you need and would like as a gift. People generally will give want they want and can afford, so if anyone asks for specific ideas you can direct them to your registry. Hugs to you and congratulations!

Post # 11
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee

I’ll be a second time bride before I’m 30… and SO is in his 30s and getting married again.

We both had large first weddings so have chosen to keep this one small and intimate. Our families have often said why don’t you do this or that or whatever but it’s all things  we’ve done already.

So if you didn’t get to have what you wanted the first time around… I say do what you want! And don’t let anyone tryand diminish anything because it’s your second time.

You and SO deserve new and fabulous memories of your day! Whether it’s 10 ppl or 100!

Post # 12
Member
4550 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

FLAussie:  I admit I didn’t read your whole post, but I’ve been married before and WHO CARES what some stupid article says. Lol! I think there’s waaaaaaaay too much on the internet. For heck’s sakes, grass stains on the dress…. Do whatever it is that pleases YOU and your FI. Eff the haters!! That’s how I roll, anyway.

Post # 13
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Seeing as how you didn’t get gifts the first time, I’d register.  As for everything else, do whatever you want.  It doesn’t affect your guests to wear a veil/train, invitation wording, etc.   

(The gifts are the only inssue IMHO, as it’s the only thing that affects your guests.  I’m at an age where it seems like every month brings an invite to a wedding, bridal shower, baby shower.  It adds up to major $$$.  Asking for a second wedding gift (or third, or fourth) is tough on wallets.  But it’s not your case.)   

Post # 14
Member
6905 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just another thought: it may help to distinguish between “etiquette” and “tradition”.

Etiquette is about treating your guests well (and then treating you well). If you invite someone you invite their spouse, you make sure they have food and drink, that sort of thing. Etiquette can be summed up in the phrase “be nice”.

All the other things are tradition. That includes things like whether you can have bridesmaids, what colour dress to wear, who can walk you down the aisle – and anything else which doesn’t affect how you treat your guests. There is NO NEED to follow tradition at all. Don’t listen to people who tell you that you have to; or who confuse call things etiquette when they’re only traditions. Have the wedding you want!

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