Post # 1
I was at my parents house yesterday and I found out that a family friend wants to throw me a bridal shower. She wants to do it at a restaurant as a brunch thing and at first I said no because it’s my second wedding, and everyone said that doesn’t matter because they just want to celebrate with me. So I agreed to brunch as long as there are no gifts, and again everyone said that there will be gifts because it’s a bridal shower. Something else was mentioned and I said again “no, it’s our second time, we can’t do that” and I was told that we can’t treat this any less special than a first wedding.
I’m having a bachelorette but my fiance isn’t having a bachelor party because he said he had one last time and feels weird having another one. We are having an engagement party in a couple of weeks and we both fought that too because we felt like it was inappropriate, even though people wanted to celebrate.
It kind of makes me sad. I’m so glad that I have found the right man for me and someone who feels the same way about me, it just kind of sucks that we obviously feel like we can’t celebrate the same because we made mistakes before.
So for all of you second (or third or fourth!) time brides, what are you not doing or doing differently this time around? Do you think there are rules that should be followed and are you following them?
Post # 3
I had a shower this time around, but it was just one and kept the guest list small. The wedding itself was much smaller this time. We had all the normal pre-wedding stuff, but just scaled it back some. This was his first wedding, and I didn’t want him to miss out on anything just because I have a past.
Post # 4
I don’t think I did anything differently because it was my second time around. For one thing, my wife had never been married before, and I didn’t see why she should forego things just because I had been married before. For another, if people wanted to throw us parties, I didn’t see why we should say no. They knew it was my second wedding, and presumably wanted to throw the parties anyway.
Post # 5
I didnt have a shower, but I did have a bachelorette party.
Post # 6
This is my second time and my fiances first. We have only just gotten engaged and are not thinking of dates for a year or two yet So have not thought through the ins and outs of the wedding day. My family are not very supportive of us getting engaged 6 months into the relationship before my divorce has came through (which is purely for financial reasons) So therefore I am feeling very much like I can’t celebrate like I did the first time. I’m going to do things on a much smaller scale this time, nt only because its my second marriage but more so because I have grown up a lot and really don’t want a giant wedding. It’s much more important to me to have an intimate ceremony with only close family and friends. I would be happy to elope actually with just our two boys but my fiance says although he is happy to go small he wants a wedding. Im not sure how its going to work because I don’t want bridesmaids but he wants a best man. I’m trying not to begrudge him too much because why should he suffer because its my second time?
he also wants a bachelor party whereas I don’t. I will probably have a small night out with close friends not celebrate but not do the whole hen thing. I’m happy for him to have what he wants as long as we can compromise somewhere and keep it simple because really I only want him. It is unfair that encore brides should feel this way and I hope I’m in the minority. Iv found someone who wants to make me happy and loves me as much as I love him and I’m trying my best not to let others judgements bring me down x
Post # 7
I’m having a hen party organised by my chief bm & my Fiance is having a stag. We have been discussing having a Hag party together as well. We are also having a rehearsal dinner with the wedding party & oot’ers. I feel like y’all why should my Fiance miss out. It’s his first marriage.
Post # 8
@orchidaloha: My BFF is getting married for the second time, and we totally had the huge shower/bachelorette/engagement party. When I get married again, I will probably do all that, too. This wedding is no less special simply because it’s your second. You have every right to celebrate it!
Post # 9
@orchidaloha: There are no etiquette rules about not having a shower, even for your second marriage. Honestly!
I eloped both times so no shower, engagement, bach parties for either time. But what I did do differently is that the first one was a quickie to the courthouse and back to work, where as the second was a full blown weddingmoon in a different country with full wedding attire in a beautiful mountain location. And a much better husband to actually share it all with!
Post # 10
@orchidaloha: FI’s family threw me a shower. It’s his first marriage and I can’t deprive him and his family of the rites of passage! His mom insisted. They had a little B-parry for me too. At first I was feeling like you, but then I realized, this is a new relationship. These people weren’t involved in my first marriage, and why do I feel like I have to punish myself because the first one failed? I said the hell with it and decided to have fun!