Post # 1
Any 2nd chance brides sick of hearing things like…”you sure are spending a lot of money for it being a second wedding” or “seems like a lot of work for a second wedding” or….I could go on and on.
I knew I would probably get some supporters here and I am feeling the need to vent…anyone with me on this? therefore this is what I would like to say in a nutshell to them:
Sometimes a person does what they feel is right and expected of them. They have a child young and they try to change the pattern that their parents had and they try to make a family work. They get married the first time out of obligation, they go through the wedding motions and don’t care much about the details because honestly, they are just going to go through the motions, its not about the E-motion. They go for years being unhappy but thinking this is the bath they chose for themselves with their actions and choices, they think that is all there is out there for them and give up on the fairytale of being treated like a princess.
Then one day, they are left, the man they have learned to feel was all they deserved and was all they would ever know, was gone and they would have to pick themselves up and learn all over again how to love, be loved and pick up all the pieces. Then after building herself up again, she makes herself available for whatever God’s plan for her is. She takes a chance on a man. I fully believe that everyone that comes into our lives has a role in creating our paths. My life happened just how it should have. I found a man that shows that chivalry is not dead. He cherishes me, respects me and has made me feel like the only and most beautiful girl in the world. He loves my children and treats them like they are his own.
Long story…long =) My “second” wedding feels like my only real wedding I have ever had. I know I’m not alone in that feeling. I care about the small details because we have such a story to tell and honestly I want to show it all, so many people have followed me/us during all of our past struggles in our first marriages and now say we are made for each other. I am tired of hearing my parents (whom aren’t paying for anything of course) and other people say things that suggest that this wedding isn’t as important because it is my second one. I don’t care about the gifts. It’s not about that. This time, I am excited for the rest of my life. I’m excited for the details of the day, for the celebration of such a beautiful love. So I ask anyone who may also feel the same as these people who question a second wedding …..
Why should you celebrate less for a marriage that means more to you than anything you have ever had before? That’s what it is, a celebration of love and a life together beginning. Are any of your children less special than your first? Your siblings because they were born first?
End of rant….thanks for listening =) I feel better now.
Future Mrs. Wonderful =)
Post # 3
Very well said! Completely agree!
Post # 4
@FutureMrs.Wonderful: I hear you! people are rude sometimes. Your last paragraph is exactly why we want to have a nice wedding. Our relationship is so beautiful it deserves a grand celebration!
Post # 5
@FutureMrs.Wonderful: A lot of people don’t really like going to weddings. They cost a lot and include a lot of waiting around and being told what to do. Its exhausting. Sometimes there is great music and food and you have a great time. But more often than not, its kind of a chore that you do to support your friends or family and give them that one night where they and their spouse are the star of the show. In that sense, it is kind of a pain to do it twice for the same person.
Also, “I do” is a promise of “forever” and its a public promise in front of a lot of people. So to round up the same people and do it again feels a little unauthentic to some.
However, those who love you should support you no matter what. You know in your heart that this will be your REAL marriage and in that sense the first. So focus on the positives and try to forgive those who do not support your second wedding. It does not necessarily mean they do not support your marriage.
Post # 6
@FutureMrs.Wonderful: I completely hear you on this one. I too am on my second marriage, its already a scary thing in itself and for someone to come at you with judgments is not something you look forward to.
But this is also our chance at having “The” Wedding. So if you and your FI are happy and ok with it, then don’t worry what others have to say. 🙂
Post # 7
@shaniqua: But more often than not, its kind of a chore that you do to support your friends or family and give them that one night where they and their spouse are the star of the show.
This is how we felt about the wedding we went to last year that was the 4th for the groom (FI’s uncle). He’s had two kids of his own, adopted his stepkids, given tons of money and stuff to them, and then they end the marriage for whatever reason (he’s also very unreliable, so god forbid you ever need anything because you aren’t going to get it, but you’d better be there for him). They literally called the wedding a performance. The bride had on a very inappropriate gown (the top was a corset and yes I saw nipple), and then changed into another bridal gown for the reception. AND she looked miserable all night.
Post # 8
If you are spending your own money to host a big party and wear a beautiful white dress, then go right ahead!
However, my SIL is a different story.
She was married a couple of years ago. She had the big, white, princess gown with all her friends and family watching, followed by a big fun party. Her parents took on about $25,000 in debt for her big day, but it’s OK, becuase it’s her wedding day.
3 months later, they broke up, and a year later, their divorce was finalized. Her parents are still paying off the debt from her prior wedding.
She is currently engaged again (different guy) and she went back to her parents and told them, “This is the right guy. This is the real wedding.” And asked them to give her another wedding, while they are still paying off the first. She wants another big white gown, another party, another bridal shower, etc, because this is the real one.
Your marriage has nothing to do with your wedding. A better wedding does not make for a better marriage. If you want to spend your own money to have the wedding you envisioned, that’s wonderful.
Post # 9
Then one day, they are left, the man they have learned to feel was all they deserved and was all they would ever know, was gone and they would have to pick themselves up and learn all over again how to love, be loved and pick up all the pieces.
This sums up the end to my first marriage so perfectly I couldn’t have written it better myself! I felt that it was my “lot in life” to be married to my ex even though he was emotionally abusive everyday. I would’ve stayed forever mainly because of the kids. Him leaving me was the best thing that ever happened to me. My wedding with him was small, cheap and not at all what I wanted. This time I’m going to have the wedding of my dreams and I’m going to marry the man of my dreams! Who cares what anyone else thinks!
Post # 10
@BeachBride2014: I absolutely agree! If you’re spending your own money to make this the wedding day of your dreams than that is fantastic!
I could never imagine having someone go into debt paying for my wedding…wow
Post # 11
@Face: Congrats!!! I’m so very happy for you! My first wedding was the same, cheap, cut every corner possible and didn’t have any fun planning. This time around has been so much fun and i’m extremely excited to marry my fiance and see how our dream wedding unfolds.
Post # 12
Thanks for all the replies bees! I know ever circumstance is different, I get that. We are paying for the entire thing ourselves, cash. I did learn that I didn’t want to have bills from the wedding to start out the marriage with. We are doing a DIY wedding and taking a 7 day honeymoon to Cancun. I appreciate all the support and it’s great to see that many other 2nd time brides have found happiness and have the same feeling as I do. Also, those of you that didn’t have the same view, at least were respectful of mine, so thank you! I love hearing everyone’s stories!
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2014 - Brazil Room
Maybe I’m biased because this will be both of our 2nd, but I too agree that it’s different for everyone. I told my friends that I was concerned that maybe I should skip out on a few of the wedding details (like a bridal shower, etc) and they thought that would be ridiculous! “Why on earth would you do that? We want to celebrate!”
My first and second wedding will be 8 years apart (it’s not like I just jumped from one to the next). My 2nd wedding is also a big milestone because we are planning to have children right away (a first for both of us, no children came from our previous marriages). So far we have received no judgement from anyone… and probably wouldn’t want to know anyone who would judge us in the first place.
ETA: I paid for my first wedding by myself (my ex husband did not contribute, so I had to pay out of my savings). My 2nd wedding is being paid for by us (bride + groom). First wedding was about $6K… we’re planning for around $10 – $15 this time around.
Post # 14
@FutureMrs.Wonderful: That sounds absolutely wonderful. I hope it goes wonderfully!
Post # 15
I kinda thought it should be less of a big deal the second time around until I read your post: you have convinced me and now it seems so obvious: why the heck not celebrate a second or even third marriage with as much enthusiasm, respect and joy as the first!?!?
Thanks for posting!
Post # 16
I do not believe that anyone has judged me for wanting a wedding again. Your story is similar to mine. My ex left me with an eighteen month old and two month old. I wore a gray dress to our wedding and just had food and the ceremony at my parents house. I look back now and see all the red flags. I wasn’t interested in any part of the wedding or marriage and neither was he. we were both young and immature. This experience and relationship has been totally different. I feel so loved and content and my kids finally have the family I always thought they deserVed. Like you , I am having a real wedding this time.This time I understand the difference between marrying out of obligation and marrying because you are with someone that you cannot imagine living without.