Post # 1
I couldnt think of an apropraite title for this post, but i have been wrecking my brain for a few months over what to do.
My partner and I have been together for 5 years. we live in a state where gay marriage is unfortunately illegal. When we originally decided that we had wanted to tie the knot, we came up with the idea of just havng a commitment ceramony. Not unlike a wedding, we just didnt sign a marriage license etc. this was back in november of 2009.
as times and opinions change, its looking like a very great possibility that marriage for all will happen by next year in our state. I mentioned to my partner that i am contented with just heading down to the court house a signing a license. He mentioned he wanted to have a second wedding?vow renewal.
heres my dilemma, only 5 years later, would it be appropraite to have a real wedding? it seems kind of odd to me to invite family and friends togeter again only a short time later for another wedding. or is this ok and they would understand that this is the real deal this time around?
im definitely up for a second wedding/vow renewal, i mean who gets the blessing of repeating the happiest day of their life. i just want to make sure that people would understand.
Post # 2
As I understand it, in 2009 you had some sort of ceremony and reception, and guests did the whole wedding-type thing and brought gifts, etc?
Anyway, if I was your relative I’d have no problem with it. Usually I’m not a fan of vow renewals, but this is a special case: you weren’t able to marry in 2009, but now you will be able to. You can now take a further step, and it will be worth celebrating. Whether your relatives would feel the same way, I’ve no idea. Perhaps ask a few.
You may also want to put word out that you’re not expecting gifts, if people brought wedding-type gifts the first time around.
Post # 3
Thank you for your input, and yes the gift thing had definitately crossed my mind. I had mentioed to my partner that we would put “no gifts please” at the bottom of the invites, IF we were to have a second ceremony.
Post # 4
Go for the second wedding day. You you should have been able to have the legal marrage before but it was out of your hands. It’s not your fault it took the state all this time to make it legal. You should be able to have the wedding of your dreams. If anyone in your family doesn’t like it then stuff them they don’t have to go but you should not miss out on your special day. I say enjoy your second wedding day and lots of love and happiness to you for your special day.
Post # 5
ivo2015: I second PP and say go for it! It sounds like you would both really enjoy having another celebration and 5 years between the two is a decent bit of time.
But your question seems to be about whether your guests will understand, which I guess is a bit different. Only you probably really know how your family and friends would respond for sure, but I tend to think that if you are happy to go the route of ‘no presents please!’ then you really are just inviting people to come and celebrate with you, and I don’t see how anyone could take issue with that. If I was one of your loved ones, I’d be very happy to have the opportunity to share the moment with you.
Congrats on 5 years so far, and good luck with your future union, however you decide to celebrate it 🙂
Post # 6
Go for it! You should have had the right to do this all along, but because of ignorance in your state, you didn’t, so now you get to celebrate it as should have been your right all along : ) As for guests, if it were me, I’d be thrilled to go to your second celebration and I think most people would.
Post # 7
I’m normally a little “meh” about so-called second weddings or re-dos but absolutely NOT in your case. You couldn’t help the fact that your state wouldn’t recognise same-sex marriage. So I’d absolutely cheer on your decision to get legally married when that is possible and I hope you have a fantastic day.
Post # 8
If you were a friend or relative of mine I would be be thrilled to attend and celebrate your legal marriage. To me, its a celebration for you as a couple obviously but I think its also worth celebrating a bit of long overdue progress toward equality as well. I would probably not bring a gift unless you were hosting a full reception type event and I had brought you a gift ‘last time’ (so to speak), but then again, it’s not as if you are doing this to get gifts!
Post # 9
ivo2015: Do it! You deserve the privilege you weren’t granted the first time around, you should celebrate that!
Agreed on the “no gifts”, though. You already have your lives together, it’s not like you need a new set of dishes. IMO, if someone specified “no gifts”, I’d appreciate that and probably get them a certificate for a nice restaurant or theatre tickets they could enjoy together 🙂
Post # 10
ivo2015: Ordinarily I would say no but this is a special case. Go for it and celebrate being legally married!
Post # 11
Honestly, I love a party and any excuse to get together with family and friends to celebrate. I think that celebrating love, whether it’s at a wedding/legal wedding/vow renewal/whatever is a great thing. I think we could all do with celebrating our relationships more. So give me some good food/drinks/music and I’ll celebrate whatever you want!
Regarless of my personal acceptance of vow renewal type things, I think almost anyone would be on board with a big celebration for a legal wedding, given that there were legal complications the first time around. I’ve got a couple friends in your shoes who were married in a relgious ceremony but not legally and I would definitely do it all over again if they could do it legally soon, and I would be thrilled to attend.
So if you guys can afford it and are willing to go through all the planning again, I say go for it! I’d avoid showers and bachelor parties, but I’m all for a ceremony and reception!
Post # 12
I was fortunate enough to attend the wedding of a couple who’d been together for decades and had at least 3 prior ceremonies due to similar legal issues being a same-sex couple. It was an amazing experience to attend their legal marriage ceremony in their home state. Do whatever you and your spouse prefer and everybody should support you and understand.
(I agree w all PPs that this is very different from vow renewals etc of couples who were always able to be legally married).
Post # 13
I think as long as you make it clear that you want your guests presence and not presents so you aren’t double dipping the gift bag. As long as you aren’t suggesting anything else from them and you have the finances to do it, why not have another party?
Post # 14
I think as long as you put the line “No gifts, please” on the bottom of the invite, you’re perfectly fine! Enjoy celebrating your legal marriage with friends and family — you both deserve it!
Post # 15
All the people who object to vow renewals say you shouldn’t be able to have a ceremony when you’re already legally married. But in your case, you’re not already legally married. I can think of no possible objection to your celebrating the fact that you can finally get legally married.