Secret elopements and big weddings: How would you feel as a guest?

posted 2 years ago in Elopement
  • poll: Secret elopements: Would it affect the way you treated a wedding if you knew?
    Yes, I would view the wedding differently : (18 votes)
    50 %
    No, it shouldn't matter. : (18 votes)
    50 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1201 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: A very pretty church.

    Allow me to answer your question in cross stitch form.

    Post # 3
    Member
    227 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2015 - Industrial/Modern

    Taiki:  LOL I am dying over here

    Post # 4
    Member
    9949 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I would think, “Oh, cool, so you threw a party and I’m here drinking this delicious red wine to celebrate your marriage?  Awesome!”  What the fuck is wrong with people that they have a problem with this?  It’s not like you have to, like, be put out or something.  The people throwing a party have invited you, which only means you bring a gift.  Since you’d probably give a gift for the marriage anyway, it’s like a bonus.  Not only do you share your friends’ happiness, but you get free food and drinks.  A wedding is basically a big party.  

    Post # 5
    Member
    1201 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: A very pretty church.

    FreshBakedPi:  ^_^ I will admit I didn’t make that one, it’s the project I am doing after the one I am currently working on.

    Post # 7
    Member
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

    nothing wrong with having a celebration of marriage…just don’t lie to me about it call it your ‘wedding’.  Youre married, you’re not a bride and he’s not a groom.  You’re husband and wife and I will gladly celebrate your marriage with you but if you lie to me about it and don’t think I’m worth knowing the truth.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1248 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I would not care if someone had to elope and then threw the ‘wedding party’ afterwards. If it wasn’t for legal/military reasons etc. tho I wouldn’t really get it but eh, I like weddings and I like my friends.  If a family member/close friend lied to me though about not being married I would find that a bit deceitful though.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2891 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Bridey77: I would be offended at the deception and hurt that the couple didn’t feel like they could be honest with me. So in an effort to avoid judgement, they’ve behaved in a way that invites judgement. Doesn’t make sense to me. 

    My sister eloped and didn’t tell anyone for weeks. I found out through my parents.

    I was happy for her but hurt that she didn’t tell me. If she had a charade of a wedding, I would have been pissed.

    as it were, she had a celebration some months later to celebrate her marriage. It was awesome to celebrate with her without pretense. 

    If people in my life have to front, I’d rather they give me a chance to understand their perspective. If they give me no chance, our relationship has no chance. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    3402 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Really, who cares? None of my business and I think some bees could stop being so judgey about other peoples lives and decisions. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    If there’s nothing to hide, why hide it? It’s the deception part that bugs me. If you got married a few months ago, fine. Don’t tell me that I’m witnessing you saying your vows and becoming man and wife. Just tell me you are having your marriage blessed, or whatever. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    378 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I have NO problem with this at all..except the secret part.  It just seems deceitful to ‘fake’ getting legally married, or pretending that you are not married and that you just became the ‘Mr. and Mrs.’.  I’ve personally been to large receptions for people that have had small weddings and do the reception after the fact.  I couldnt have cared less..just don’t lie about it.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1201 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: A very pretty church.

    A wedding (as they currently exist) seems to be a big social and/or cultural event/party. You can get married without either in many countries. You sign something. If they’ve signed something to make it legal and want to have their cultural/spiritual/social event at another time and want to call it a wedding why should I care? The bit that was significant to the government (and their tax statement) isn’t something I am emotionally invested in attending.

    Post # 14
    Member
    7385 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I have no problem attending a celebration or wedding after a legal marriage. I do have a problem wih people who are supposed to care about me lying to me. It shows disrespect and is a serious character flaw to me. 

    In my experience people lie or hide things because they are ashamed. If you are not ashamed why hide it?

    It also bugs me that people feel ok with taking the benefits of being married (tax breaks etc) and dismiss the legal the stuff as not important. People have and still are fighting for those rights that some people seem to dismiss as nothing. That also says a lot about a persons character to me. The banning of interracial marriage was only fully lifted in 1967- not that long ago when you think about it and in many countries some people are still not allowed to marry the person they love. Anyone who dismisses these facts and calls the legal part not important or just paperwork make me sad for all those people who fought for the right to be married.

     

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