Secret of successful married life

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

We were having this conversation at a party over the weekend with a couple that has been together for 29 years. According to this couple, the secret to their success is that their personalities compliment each other. He’s very outgoing whereas she is more reserved. He has no tolerance for conflict, but she is made of steel when she needs to be. They described a yin-yang dynamic, and that happens to pretty accurately describe how Mr. Lk and I are, too.

 

Post # 4
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

A healthy and consistent dose of respect and service towards your spouse.

Post # 5
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@gpiglet:  I haven’t even been with DH for 2 years yet, but my parents just celebrated their 38th wedding ceremony! What’s even more astounding is they were engaged after only 5 days of meeting, and married 6 weeks later!  They have never seperated from one another and have remained truly happy all of these years.

My mother has a lot of horrid health problems, and my dad is a very hard working man. They are very different in many ways, but a few things have never changed, and I think they really help in their happiness as a couple.

1. My mother doesn’t work. She can’t. Her health does not permit it. To always make sure my mother was provided for, and that she could always have what she needed for medicine, my dad will work as many hours as he needs to, even in positions he doesn’t like. His first concern is his family, and that hasn’t changed from day one.

2. My mom always makes sure to let dad relax after his long day. If chores need to be done, then they need to be done. But after those, my mother’s main concern is serving my dad. Even if it’s just a smile and a thank you, it makes a difference.

3. They only think of the other person, not themselves. Seriously. All the time.

4. My father remains very kind and sweet and tender towards my mom, referring to her as his bride, and his companion. It’s adorable.

5. They respect one another, and lift one another up in times of need. They don’t bring eachother down, nor do they call eachother cruel names. Ever.

These are just a few of the things I’ve noticed in their relationship. Have they had ups and downs? Sure, everyone does. They’ve made the decision that it’s all going to work out in the end though, and that is the only option for them! Hope it helps :).

(They also flirt like newlyweds!!)

Post # 6
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

FI and I were having a talk (I know we’re not quite married but this is applicable I swear!) We we’re talking about old loves, past flames and what not and our relationship now. He said something that really stuck in my mind. He told me that I was the one he was going to marry because I’m the one who is his equal. 

That really rang a lot of truth for me. Our relationship works because we are in it together but no one has the ‘upper hand’ we walk together, consult each other and talk to each other respectfully. We have not once, in four years, so much as raised our voice at each other. We have arguments sure (like any two people would) but it doesn’t get angry or bitter or personal. There is no name calling or door slamming or yelling and walking out the door. We never go to bed angry. Its not worth it. Leave all the anger at the bedroom door. Sure we have to hash it out once in a while but I think if you never let go of the the fact this is your person and your partner, it’s easy to stay on the same page. 

People look at me funny when I say we don’t fight and I’d literally leave if he yelled at me but it’s true. It’s just not a dynamic of our relationship and we like it like that. It definitely works in my opinion.

Post # 7
Member
983 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Communication. DH and I have only been together for 6 years and in the beginning it was really rough. When we look back on it and the fights we had, we’re amazed that we’re still stnding. Since we did our premarital counseling 2 years ago he and I have had an open line of communication and things have been amazing. We hardly fight at all and when we do we realize that it’s not worth it and get over it.

Post # 8
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@GooteyBootey:  I love this list so much! It’s so similar to how my husband and I try to be with each other. Thank you for sharing 🙂

Post # 10
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

always be excited when you see each other.

i’m nowhere near being married a long time, but we have been living together a while.

i still run to the door, every time he comes home after work to give him a giant hug and kiss.

 

Post # 11
Member
10992 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

For my DH and me, our secret has been in our mutual commitment to God and ultimately choosing to submit to and follow His model for a Biblical marriage, even — and especially — during the most difficult of times. 

Because my DH was married before, has been through a painful divorce, and has multiple children from his first marriage, and because I was single until I was in my mid-40s and lived alone for so many years, we faced a great many challenges and adjustments, including unmet expectations, when we decided to merge our lives together. It has not at all been an easy process, but we both believe that our commitment is designed to last a lifetime, and we work hard to make sure that it will.

We’ve been blessed to have attended some excellent, Family Life marriage conferences and have benefited from the wisdom of authors such as John and Stasi Eldridge, whose book Love & War  was a great resource for us.

Post # 12
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@ajillity81:  We do something similar to what you do! Every time one of us is coming home the other waits at the front door and opens it and yells WELCOME HOME with hugs and kisses (:

 

I’m not married yet, but FI and I have been together for almost 8 years and living together for almost 6. I honestly don’t think we have a ‘secret’ we just really really love each other and we’ve been in the honeymoon phase since we started dating when we were 14 (: Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we both come from very loving and emotional families that know the most important thing in life is to love your family strongly and passionately..whatever it is, I feel very lucky! Glad to see other people have such great marriages too!

Post # 13
Member
3476 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@gpiglet:  It sounds like you are upset he no longer “spoils you.”  What do you mean when you say spoiling?  For me, I have always wanted DH to not spend much on me, because I prefer that we build our resources together and save for our future.  So if you mean spending money on you – I actually see this as a positive, that he’s securing your future!  If you mean paying attention and doing things for you, first consided if you’ve changed any, and whether what he was doing before was reasonable or excessive.  If you haven’t changed any and it was reasonable (e.g he wasn’t doing all of the cooking, cleaning, plus daily backrubs), then just talk to him about it what you’d like to see change.

Post # 15
Member
3476 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@gpiglet:  Well, I think it’s a balance.  He clearly went overboard before and now is pulling back considerably.  You just need to find the happy medium.  You didn’t answer – what do you do for him?   Have you changed?

Post # 16
Member
641 posts
Busy bee

Well. We’re not married, but he’s a divorce lawyer, and from his experience, the number one thing that signals the death of a marraige is when people stop communicating. 

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