(Closed) Secretly switching out the stone?

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
10 posts
Newbee

@Running Shoes:  I joined just to reply to your message, I’ve been reading these boards for ages as I have a feeling my own proposal will be coming soon. And I’ve thought about what you’re thinking of doing a lot if I wasn’t to like my diamond. I’m also probably open to some criticism now but you are going to have this ring for the rest of your life!

I personally don’t have a single piece of jewellery I didn’t choose and that doesn’t have some sort of meaning to be. I’m so nervous about my boyfriend picking out my ring. I think you should do it but compare the diamonds first to make sure the difference isn’t so big you’re fiancé will definitely notice. At least you’re not throwing the ring back in his face, it’s the ring he chose and will be the diamond you chose. This is probably terrible advice but I think it’s what I’d do!! Let me know what you decide xx

Post # 4
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

No. If my relationship is strong enough to be engaged to be married, it should be strong enough to wistand a conversation about diamond size preferences. If I need to hide something like this from my partner, then there are bigger issues that the size of a diamond that need to be dealt with first before making a lifelong commitment to be honest with eachother. Seriously, why would you start your marriage with a lie?

Post # 5
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

First of all, congrats on getting engaged!  Second of all, I certainly won’t criticize you for your feelings.  I also am hoping to get a larger diamond, but my partner and I have agreed to wait until our five year anniversary (only 4.5 more years…not that I’m counting…haha!).  But I think it would probably be best to discuss this openly with your fiance. 

I know that you have been dreaming of your ring forever, but he may have put a lot of thought and effort into the ring.  I would express to him how you really feel about it, and you guys can make the decision together.  You don’t want to start out your marriage with a lie between you.  Good luck!  And I hope you get the diamond of your dreams!

Post # 6
Member
9552 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you want a bigger stone, that is fine, but lying to your soon to be husband is not. If it’s important to you, I would advise talking to him about it. It may be uncomfortable, but it’s better than starting off your marriage with dishonesty.

Post # 7
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Do not do this without talking to your FI.

With a ring of that size and quality I’d bet the diamond has been insured (especially if it is GIA certified). If you swap the stone without telling him the insurance he is paying for will no longer be valid. 

He probably also put a lot of time and effort into picking your stone and since he went high quality he probably has done his research on diamonds and would notice if the perfect smaller stone was replaced with a lower color/clarity larger stone.

From his point of view, I would expect him to feel very hurt and betrayed if he were to EVER find out you swapped a stone behind his back. 

It’s a huge slap in the face to him saying “What you got me wasn’t good enough, so I had to fix it myself and not tell you about it.”

Post # 8
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

If you think the difference is large enough to be noticeable, then why do you think he wouldn’t notice?

Post # 9
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would say give it some time and suggest it for an anniversary. Maybe 1 year anniversary of your engagement. If you realy want it then you should get it before your wedding, but def talk to FI about it.

Post # 10
Member
6457 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it’s a recipe for disaster down the road. How long do you think you could keep the lie up? What happens when you go to add your ring to your insurance and they want a copy of the appraisal? Or, if it’s already added, and you need to update your insurance. Or what if you lose it or it gets stolen and you have to file a claim? Your FI will one day probably find out, even if by accident. 

I think you should just be honest with your FI and tell him how you feel.

Post # 11
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@LeahP:  I agree with this advice. I know my FH put a LOT of thought into my ring. He would definitely notice and probably have hurt feelings if I changed anything without talking to him. Bring it up to your FH, he might surprise you.

Post # 12
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Switching out the diamond would be very deceitful and a huge betrayal to your FI.  If this is something you REALLY want, be an adult and talk to your FI about it.

Post # 13
Hostess
11174 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

He might not notice the diamond size but I’m willing to bet he is going to notice a sizeable chunk of your savings/paycheck when it suddenly goes “missing.” That is quite an expense you are considering and I don’t think it would be right to spend your joint money in such a way without a discussion.

To be fair what if he went out and bought a used car (similar in price to what you are considering) without consulting you first. It was what he wanted, to his desires and specifications and you had absolutely no say in the matter. I would think you would be a bit frustrated and rightly so.

Talk to him first, it is only fair.

Post # 14
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think upgrading is perfectly ok if you meet two criteria 1. You can afford it outright and 2. you and your FI/DH are on the same page. Lying about the most expensive thing he will ever buy for you is not a good idea.

Post # 15
Member
4362 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I understand you are just looking for support here, but I have to say that doing something like that is NOT something  you do in a marriage.  I get you have a dream ring in your mond…  But secretly doing things behind your fiances back is a big no no in my eyes, and sends up a lot of red flags.  If you *have* to have a 2 ct, then I suggest you have an open an honest conversation about it; because in a marriage, that is what you do.

Post # 16
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

If you want to do it, go for it. But don’t do it secretly. Tell him you want to switch out the stone, though if you want to pay extra for higher quality, you can do that without mentioning it. Just so he won’t feel like he should pay more. Just don’t keep the whole thing a secret.

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