Post # 1
So my FI and I are getting married in June in Jamaica. We have a budget that is working well for us but it is tight. If we were to legally marry now it would help us out with the trip and make it easier and less stressful, for instance I would be put on his health insurance and wouldn’t be paying a ridiculous amount per month out of pocket (my company doesn’t offer health insurance). I am pretty much okay with it, our best man is ordained and says he can make it seem like almost a business transaction as to not take away from when we get married next summer. The FI and I both have mixed feelings about doing it, especially merely as paperwork basically, but we would pay off the trip quicker by doing it.
Has anyone else done it? Did it take away from your wedding day?
Post # 3
i haven’t done it, but you should only do it if you both are sure. It sounds like there are a number of benefits, but if you’re going to be changing your name and stuff it might take away from doing all that stuff later. My fiancé and I live together already and act like a married couple, so I mean that stuff won’t change, but I don’t think it’ll take away from it. I would make sure that there are some changes that will happen once you get married in Jamaica that will make it seem special. You’ll get to wear your bands and stuff 🙂
Post # 4
We got married before our wedding so we could start my husbands green card process. We didn’t keep it a secret though. The only thing it took away from our wedding day was the fact that I didn’t have to worry about him leaving me at the alter, haha!
In all honesty, we had a fantastic wedding, and already being married didn’t take anything away from celebrating our love and marriage with our family and friends.
I’d say go for it!
Post # 5
It really depends on the both of you and what you define marriage as 🙂
I know many people get legally married courthouse style, and don’t actually do the ceremony or religious aspects until later.
Post # 6
I say go for it for the benefits thing. My only advice is don’t keep it a secret. I have had two family members do that and it almost tore our family apart. They lied to us and it just didn’t go over well. Just be honest, you have vaild points for doing it early so I am sure they will all understand.
Post # 7
Well a positive would be that my parents would be able to be there, because they don’t want to go to Jamaica. My FI has expressed that he isn’t crazy about the idea and it would be like another couple we know. We have an acqaintance that rushed into marriage with her boyfriend so she wouldn’t have to resign her lease for her apartment (they didn’t live together before marriage). I don’t see it like that really because we have lived together 3 years and 10 months of our 4 year relationship and are practically married anyways – I mean neither of us correct people when they refer us as husband and wife.
The only real concern I have is come June I don’t it to feel less then amazing.
Post # 8
@Smith12: We were thinking of telling immediate family and the bridal party thats going with us, but have everyone stay MUMS about it to everyone else and refer to us as engaged.
Post # 9
I thought about doing this as well but ended up waiting. The thing that my Mom brought to my attention was.. “when is your actual wedding anniversary?” lol
Post # 10
Having lived together for that long, aren’t you eligible for spousal benefits?
Before you go through with a full marriage ceremony, look into the requirement of his health insurance. Many companies only require you two to sign swearing your commonlaw status to be eligible.
Post # 11
@CountryBee:We’re celebrating both (because hey, why not?!?) but when we calculate “how long we’ve been married” we use the first date, because as I see it, we’ve been together 9 years, and I didn’t want to be cheated out of an extra 8 months! I’m sure once we get up to our 20th or so anniversary, it won’t make a difference anyways 🙂
Post # 12
If you’re getting married in Jamaica and youre a US citizen, you need to go to the courthouse anyway to make it a legal marriage in the US. Most people are legally married before their destination wedding. I’ve only heard of a few people who did their courthouse ceremony when they got back.
It’s common for destination weddings, so I wouldn’t worry about it too much.
Post # 13
My advice would be to not keep it a secret. If people find out (and odds are REALLY good that someone will), then they are going to be very hurt and possible very angry that they weren’t ‘good’ enough to know the truth.
My husband and I were married 6 months prior to our wedding because of the immigration requirement timeframes. We told everyone what we were doing and nobody was bothered by it at all. It took nothing away from our wedding day – in fact both days are so very special to me in different ways! April 16th because that’s the day I legally married my best friend, and October 15th because that’s the day we celebrated with all our friends and family!
@CountryBee: I’m with @CanAmBride: on this. We celebrate both, but officially my marriage started on April 16th, not October 15th. 🙂