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Our church had a list of approved music and you had to get a special okay on anything not on that list. They also had a strict "no secular music" policy. I didn't even try to get anything else approved, but mostly because I was happy with the given choices.
However, your church's rules might not be as strict. Also, I think a lot depends on the text of the song: how reverent/churchy it is. If you don't get it approved for the ceremony, maybe your friend could sing it at the reception!
talk specifically with your priest. our musician did not want to play our "secular" music but our priest approved it and even said he really likes one of the songs we picked.
It definitely depends on the parish... I wasn't planning to even ask about using any secular music, but our organist actually suggested a secular song -- Make of our Hearts One Heat from West Side Story -- for the unity candle lighting. He said our priest has approved that song before for other weddings, even though it's not traditional. It is a pretty appropriate song, though, as secular music goes, and the rest of our music is all very religious.
It really does depend on the priest and parish. I wanted an instrumental version of Here Comes the Sun to be played by my string quartet as I came down the aisle and the priest (my uncle for crying out loud!) nixed it.
The lyrics are a big part. Also the part of the mass you want it sung at is a big consideration. Anything before the actual Rite of Marriage (i.e. before anyone starts coming down the aisle who is in the bridal party) you can play whatever you want. Also there is a part near the end of the Mass that you can sing a song for your new spouse or recite a poem together or something and I bet you could get them to allow your friend to sing at that point.
Hope this helps. I know I am still very hurt that they did not allow me to use my song, so I hope your experience is better. :-)
I know our church (especially strict since it's a really old mission) won't even allow for anyone else to sing a song or play an instrument aside from the people that they already have there, let alone choose non-churchy music.
HOWEVER, we did go to a Catholic wedding in July where the bride's sisters sang "Train on a Track" (I know Destiny's Child covered this song for some movie to which I may or may not own the soundtrack to). So I know it is possible. The wedding was in Sonoma, CA - if that helps at all. :)
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Has anyone ever been able to do this? I want my friend to sing a song at my wedding, and they might not approve it! Does anyone have any experience getting non-instrumental music approved?