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This is always such a tough decision. One of my good friends recently got married and they decided to do all of their pics before the ceremony so that people didn't have to wait at the reception. She was initially sad that he would see her before the wedding, but the photographer made sure that she got some great pics of the groom seeing her for the first time in her dress. Plus, as she put it, it's more intimate to see each other for the first time when there's only a few people around as to when you're walking into a room with 200 people staring at you.
I'm still trying to decide. Right now my FI and I are doing all the pics we are not in together before and then all the ones we are in together after the ceremony. Hope this helps.
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I would definitely want to make it a romantic reveal. I have seen pictures on photographers websites and it is usually done well. I agree also like you said that you can have a quiet moment together to talk instead of standing at the alter with everyone staring at you...and not being able to really talk.
Yikes! I'm trying to decide the same thing. I mentioned that FI and I would like to see eachother before the ceremony and was given dirty looks by some people. WTH!?!?!?! Yea I know it's considered "bad luck???" but really, with the divorce rate so high now should I care? We want to see eachother before the ceremony for the same reasons as you. We would like to get photos out of the way so we can enjoy the 200+ guest that came to celebrate with us. It would be a nice intimate moment between us. I didn't wanna see him for the first time walking down the aisle and then after being pronounced husband and wife and not getting the chance to take in all the excitement, get shoved into the vineyard to take photos and then hurry back to enjoy the reception. I want to enjoy our day. We're only going to be FIs for a couple more hrs and I want to enjoy that moment as much as the part where we become husband and wife.
I think it's fine if that's what you both want. I read up on bride and grooms regrets and this was one that was brought up a lot. I say do what makes you happy. Who cares about good luck or bad luck. 
It's a totally personal decision, the pros of seeing each other are:
- Get more photos done and out of the way
- You have a private moment to see each other and take it all in
- You can enjoy maybe a little more of your cocktail and not run the risk of going into overtime because you are still doing family photos or whatever
- After the ceremony the photo session is just the two of you (or should be)
------
cons:
- There's something to be said about waiting till you get to that aisle to see each other. it's magical.
We have limited venue time --- so I'd rather get all the family photos out of the way before the ceremony that way we have creative time to do post-ceremony photos of just the two of us as well as I'm going to be changing out of my veil into a different hairpiece.
You can still enjoy your appetizers and cocktails --- make sure your planner or catering manager knows to bring you a plate of all your different appetizers.
I had the same problem, but then my fiance and I decided that we weren't going to have enough time for pictures after the church ceremony. I was more concerned with whether the photographer would be able to capture the look on my fiance's face as he saw me for the FIRST time "walking down the aisle."
So (and please excuse the cheesiness), I thought that we could take pictures at our reception site before the church ceremony... and I could "walk down the aisle" there!
I think it depends on the reason why you don't want him to see you beforehand. If it's because you want to see the look on your fiance's face as he sees you for the first time, then I think your photographer can definitely work something out. If it's for other reasons... *HUG*... it's hard! Hope you can come to a decision that you and your fiance are happy with! =)
This was a hard decision for me to make too, but eventually I went with taking pictures and seeing each other before the ceremony. A big reason was wanting to get to the reception and celebrate with our guests. Another reason was light. The light will be better before the ceremony for pictures.
My coordinator assured me that she and the photographer would set up a "big reveal" moment so that some of the magic would be preserved. She said that her and her husband saw each other before the ceremony, and it really helped her to be less nervous. So that's another benefit!
This is exactly what we are hoping to do for three reasons :
1st: My family situation is a bit strained and we are concerned that my father who is walking me down the aisle will be super tense.
2nd: Our ceremony will be outside and there is no real entrance. His first look will be of me leaving the house several yards away so there won't be a definite moment that he sees me. It will be more like he sees more as I approach.
3rd: My FI tends to be shy and guarded in public situations. I know we will have a more intimate moment when it is just the two of us.
I wasn't sold on the idea until I really thought it all through but now I know that no other way would suit us. Of course, I still need to talk to our photographer about it! 
Husband and I saw each other way before the actual ceremony also to take pictures until our hearts were content and i'll tell you. He was adamant about the fact that he would be indifferent at the actual ceremony if we did see each other. In the end, as I stared at him walking down the aisle, I saw tears in his eyes. SO I win!!!! He was teary eyed! I think ultimately it's a personal decision, but if I had to do it all over again, I would not change one thing about the order of events. Ultimately the day is about the two of you and it's what you make of it, so regardless of when you see each other, it will still be special! Best of luck with whatever route you choose!
We also chose to see each other pre-ceremony. And to tell you the truth, it was our photographer that talked us into it. He had arranged the "first look" photos so many times that he had a ton of wonderful ideas for us.
Here's what we did for the "first look":
I was waiting in the vineyard, facing Joel, our photographer. His wife (also the second photographer) went to get Nigel when I was in place and ready. She brought him around to the vineyard where he would walk down the row behind me. Joel instructed me not to turn around until I felt Nigel touch my shoulder. There was so much anticipation as I could hear him approaching me, and it was really hard not to excitedly turn around. Joel was getting all my facial expressions as this was happening.
As Nigel touched my shoulder and turned around, we both excitedly lit up and hugged each other. I also surprised him with a kiss, which Joel knew about. It was our first kiss ever (Nigel thought it would be at the altar, but he really didn't want our first one to be in front of everyone, so I surprised him), and the pic he got now hangs on a canvas in our house.
It worked out GREAT!!! We got to pray together and take it all in, plus get a lot of our pics out of the way so we could spend more time with guests post-ceremony. And walking down the aisle, and him seeing me approaching with my dad, was just as emotional as it would have been without seeing each other first. We don't believe in luck, so that didn't play a part in our decision. It was a personal thing, that I wouldn't change a moment of!
thanks everyone I feel much better now. I will definately be taking pictures before then. You all reassured me of what I was thinking. I also don't really believe in Luck and marriage takes a lot of work. We aren't going to not work out because we saw eachother before the ceremony.
For those of you already married gals that have done this, how long before the ceremony did you separate?
first kiss EVER? what?
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We are also having a (photographer arranged) "first reveal" before the ceremony. I am sure it will be an emotional moment, and we just seriously see no reason to share that with 150 people. It's our moment. I don't think it will make walking down the aisle any less special, but I think we will both be a little more confident for having spent that time together up front.
It also incidently makes the photography schedule easier, and give us more time with our guests. But my BIL didn't see my sister before the wedding, and that didn't really make the schedule too difficult. (She didn't care - he did.) But honestly, neither of them is that outwardly emotional. I look at the photos from the church and I don't actually see any big emotional moment - I see them both looking thoughtful and nervous. I think that maybe they would have had more emotional photos if they hadn't been on stage at the time.
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Yes, it was our very first kiss. We decided to wait until our wedding day for that (and all other things physical) to honor each other and our commitment to each other. We discussed the first kiss being at the altar at length, and while it made us both a bit uncomfortable that our very first kiss would be in front of all our family and friends, we decided to do it anyway (though I was secretly planning something more intimate, with the photographer's help and a DIY altered Altoids tin that said "You may kiss the bride"!)
It was sweet and memorable and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way!
Hi! Just thought I'd weigh in with a photographers opinion :)
It's awesome on our end if you see each other beforehand because it gives us time to be creative- you can just be excited to be with each other in a way that you can't express if you're up on the altar! If you don't see each other before, you'll have this little moment after you walk down the aisle and before you're assaulted by people who want to congratulate you- so it only lasts about 30 seconds! Seeing each other beforehand lets you prolong this time, because the rest of the day will fly by!
We are having an evening ceremony (starting around 5:30 late fall) outdoors. So it isn't really reasonable for us to do photos AFTER the ceremony. It'll be almost dark.
So we're doing all of our photos beforehand. I'm happy with it though. I think the walking down the aisle moment will still be WOW, anyway. I mean, thats the culmination of everything!
We are having an evening ceremony (starting around 5:30 late fall) outdoors. So it isn't really reasonable for us to do photos AFTER the ceremony. It'll be almost dark.
So we're doing all of our photos beforehand. I'm happy with it though. I think the walking down the aisle moment will still be WOW, anyway. I mean, thats the culmination of everything!
I *think* that FH and I are doing some photos beforehand but more after the ceremony as well. We want to have time to mingle at the cocktail hour, so we're *TRYING* to not take a full hour for after ceremony photos... plus, I have a surprise for FH that I want to do just before going upstairs for dinner and I *really* don't want to delay dinner starting...
Your wedding day is YOUR DAY... Not the 5-6hrs slot you rented out from your venue. So make the most of it. Seeing eachother beforehand is such an awesome idea. I'm all for it! I'd rather have more intimate photos then awkward walking down the aisle photos. LoL
Well, It looks like it has all been said. We are going to see eachother, but I won't have my veil on. So, my photographer is going to "stage" him seeing me for the first time, but not down the isle. During the ceremony it will be the first time he sees me with the veil, and I suspect there will be great photos to take then as well.
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I was going to do that same thing. I won't wear the veil till the ceremony so it is a different look as I walk down the isle. I am glad so many people are so supportive of the seeing eachother before idea...it makes me feel so much better about it.
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It was our photographer that convinced us as well and it makes perfect sense for all the reasons noted above. We've got a lovely garden venue, so it will be fabulous to take a private moment away from the guests to see each other and take care of the pics of just the wedding party and immediate family.
Besides, if we get the more formal shots taken care of ahead of time, that frees up the photographer to get more candids of everyone enjoying the reception. :)
Just to offer the other side, we decided very early on that we really wanted that magical moment at the ceremony when we saw each other for the first time. Many vendors tried to talk us out of it because it makes their jobs easier to see each other before, but we always let them know that we were sure, so please don't try to talk us out of it.
My brother got married over 10 years ago and one of the few things I remember is the look on his face when he saw his bride for the first time. It was so amazing. And I am happy to have most of our pictures be candid throughout the night - we plan to take a limited set of posed pictures with our wedding party and then take some of just us around the property. We know we will miss most of the cocktail hour, but we are ok with that and I think it will be nice for us to have some time alone together as a newly married couple (well, alone with the photographer!)
I agree it is personal, I just wanted to throw another point of view out there :)
With all the family pictures that need to be taken, 1 hour doesn't leave much time for pictures with just my new hubby and I. I want to do pics before but I don't know if we will have time. I think I might just wait till that day, and if he could be ready, meet him at the church maybe 1 1/2 hours before the wedding so we have an hour for pictures.
We recently decided to see each other before the ceremony BUT I've got a surprise for him. When I first see him, I will be wearing the dress I originally picked out (a casual light silk dress, and the one he is expecting), and we can take pictures in what I consider my real wedding dress. When I go down the aisle, however, I will have changed into the new dress my grandmother made me buy in a 30-minute shopping impromptu trip (something that is usually not me, very glitzy and formal), complete with a veil. I don't care to take formal pictures with that dress, so we don't have to retake any photos, and he will be super surprised. I never expected to be a two-dress bride.
I think its a romantic idea to wait until you see each other going down the aisle. We rush so many things in life and this is one day where time should stand still.
If you have a cocktail hour planned then really you should be ok with Photos. Afterall you don't want to show up until you are announced at your reception right?
We're waiting. It is a little bit of a pain because the ceremony is at sunset and I really want some pics of FI and I without lighting just the 2 of us outside by the ocean. So we'll be rushing to get a few before it's too dark and formal portraits with both families together will have to be done with lighting... missing the cocktail hour is okay with me. It's rushing some key shots that frustrates me. That said, we still decided not to see each other. It just seemed the most romantic. And we decided to forego practicality. It really is a personal choice.
Do what you're comfortable with!
I was so adamant about not seeing my groom beforehand but out of logistics, we decided to see each other..I really wanted that magical moment and my photographer convinced me I would still have it during our private moment together.
Like Suzanno, I don't think it would make it any less special. I'll still be a wreck walking down the aisle (cue: waterworks!). We'll get more pictures done and won't feel rushed plus we can spend more time at our own party. Whee!
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I think we will see eachother before the ceremony so we can get a lot of pictures done ahead of time and actually BE at our reception! It would be nice to be traditional and wait to see eachother but I think the benefits of doing pictures before outweight the fact that we are not going the traditional route. What do you all think? Is this a bad idea?
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