Post # 1
We are not doing “plus one” on any invitations… we’ve invited who we want to come, and for people with significant significant others, we put that person’s name on the envelope.
I just got an email from a friend who is out of town saying, “I am definitely coming but I may have a guest but won’t know for a while if he’s able to join. Have I told you about him yet? If not, I’ll fill you in! When is the latest day I can RSVP for him?”
Ummm… wtf? We don’t know him, and he’s not invited. What do I do? This is fairly well-known etiquette that she doesn’t know of and or hasn’t bothered to look into, right? Am I a bad person for not wanting a stranger there (this is a friend of hers, not a boyfriend).
Post # 3
@PolkaDotLaceBride: Reply saying that you’re sorry but you can not accommodate for extras.
Post # 4
I’d tell her that unfortunately, due to space restrictions, he can’t be invited since you didn’t know about him beforehand.
Post # 5
can you not make an exception, especially if she is from out of town?
Post # 6
i have the same problem. we are allowing for +1 ‘s for guests who have been with their other for a long time and we actually know them. So for those who ask rudely if they can bring someone else, we are just responding with “well we would love for you to have a guest, but our numbers are kind of tight at the moment. but, if many guests decline you can for sure bring your guest.”
this leaves it open that they MIGHT be able to bring one but at the moment NO. Also, it was very rude of your guest to assume she could bring him. She didnt even ask! and that’s even more annoying.
Post # 7
@PolkaDotLaceBride: I would respond in a manner along these lines:
“We’re SO excited that you’ll be able to come to the wedding! We can’t wait to see you!
“Regarding your hoping to bring a friend, I’m so sorry, but, unfortunately, we just aren’t able to accommodate any extra guests. I hope you understand.”
Post # 8
I’d say you’re sorry but due to space and cost and cannot accommadate her request. Personally in your situation i’d definitely say no, we’ve only invited people we know. Some of our friends do have partners and are in new relationships that we haven’t invited as we dont know them, and its more money we have to find. Personally i feel its quite rude of people to assume they can bring a plus one, especially when the invite doesn’t state a plus one.
Post # 9
Stick to your guns and like other bees said, politely tell her that you are sorry, but you cannot accomodate for guests. If you let 1 do it, you’ll have to let them all do it.
Post # 10
You’re not a bad person. +1s are really tough for all brides, I think. I will say that we allowed all out of town guests a +1. However, if you aren’t allowing +1s for anyone, then you’ll just have to let her know — then it’s up to her to decide whether she’s going to travel and attend solo.
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
We are in a similar situation. We only gave +1s to those that are married, engaged, or live together (and of course, families), but they were all named on the invitations. I have a friend that is coming to the wedding but she asked me yesterday if she could bring her cousin. I told her I would let her know in the next week or so when we receive everyone else’s RSVPs and have a better idea of who is coming (we want to stay below a certain number. She was fine with it. I will most likely let her bring her cousin even though she only lives an hour away from the venue and will know several other people there.
Post # 12
Thanks so much, Bees.
I should say that while she is currently out of town (travelling), she is from our town. We know her as a single person, and she will be seated with mutual friends also from our town. This isn’t a companion kind of guest, I think she just wanted to bring someone.
Yes, it did/does annoy me that she didn’t even ask. I’ll be very nice and blame it on not being able to accomadate extra people, which is half true.
Post # 13
I’d say sorry, it’s a space issue.
Post # 14
Seriously, i dont get the audacity of some people. If “and guest” or “and family” are not on the invite, NO you cant bring a date and NO your 2 year old cant come.
Post # 15
Stick to your guns.
While it is a well known etiquette no-no to those of us planing a wedding, I actually get asked this kind of question all the time with my work, where I plan events. I too am constrained with space limitations, so find it frustrating, but not nearly as frustrating as if I was footing the bill. I acommodate as much and wherever I can at work, but I am very unlikely to acommodate such a request when we are inevitably asked for our wedding.
Post # 16
Oh, this is good! I’m favoriting this thread for future issues with RSVPs. We also listed specific people on the invitation and did not blindly hand out +1’s.