- 9 years ago
i’m actually not entirely sure this is appropriate, since i’m still a student at a university (though i will graduate soon!!) and not engaged. but i thought that an audience of (mostly) engaged and married women could offer me their wisdom/insight/advice on this…
me and my bf both attend the same university right now, though he is scheduled to graduate before i am – really soon! but he wants to be a professor and teach, which means he needs to go to at least 4 years of graduate school, and then a postdoc to pursue a PhD. now i am not planning on that at all.. after i graduate, i plan on maybe 1-2 years of graduate school and then getting a job. but this is where my stress starts to come in…
the graduate schools he is looking at are all in california, while my family (and his) are both in new england, and our current university is on the east coast as well. so when he leaves and i am still in school.. *sigh* i dont know how to put this coherantly! basically, if i stay with him and he goes to grad school, that could possibly be about 4-6+ years long distance if i stay near my family on the east coast! and ive always imagined attending grad school/getting a job on the east coast, near my family. that scares me… i dont think that long distance is possible for that long. another option is of course, after i graduate (and maybe add on a year of grad school on the east coast) i move to cali to be with him? but the idea of moving my entire life to the other coast just for a guy doesnt really seem…fair.. to me, and i’m not sure how comfortable i am with that (since i know we’d still only be bf/gf and not engaged at that time)
i guess what im asking is… how does this thing work? have any of u ladies stayed with high school or college/uni bfs? how does it work once you graduate and jobs pull you in opposite directions? who sacrifices more.. is that fair?
i almost want to just end my relationship with him now though i do love him very much… but the fact that he is going to cali for graduate school for the next half decade or more scares me so much and i dont know what to do, think, or even how to deal with it! what if i do decide to move my life over there for him, and then we break up? what if when i graduate soon, in this economy, i cannot find a job in his graduate school area?? all these possibilities keep me up at night and at a constant stress high 🙁
advice would be much appreciated 🙂