Post # 1
S.O and I have only been together just shy of a year, and although he’s been planning out the proposal, and we’ve been talking about our future and getting married, generally I’m pretty patient. Each of us are in a bit up a tough spot financially- me with paying off what’s left of my tuition, and him balancing his bills and child support on a minimum wage job- and we both know we don’t want to start our married life crippled in debt. And again, we’re still young and in the early stages of our relationship (still waiting to get our own place too).
Lately though, I’ve gotten more impatient. In the past 3 months I have gotten invites to the weddings of 2 cousins this summer, a family friend’s wedding this spring, my bff’s wedding this summer, and two of my cousins got engaged during the holidays- one on Christmas, one on Valentine’s Day. For the most part, we’re all in pretty much the same age group (bff and cousin who got engaged Christmas are literally the same age as me). Makes me feel like a bit of an outsider, and I know I shouldn’t feel that way, because my time will come.
But waiting bees, how do you cope with it when everyone around you is tying the knot and getting engaged?
Post # 3
@Papillion: either accept the fact your time will eventually come and concentrate lowering your debt and be happy for them, or continue to be impatient to the point that you depress yourself and get mad at SO.
If you do want to et engage at this point you may have to sacrifice your dream wedding and just go to city hall. Trust me, you don’t want to start off marriage on poor finances.
Post # 4
I know how you feel! My SO and I have been together for 1.5 years (short time period by WB standards) and I grow more and more impatient every day. I went through a phase a few weeks/months ago where I literally could not stand it, but somehow I grew out of it and realized that I should just relax and enjoy being with the man I love! We have a timeline, and that really REALLY helps, because even though it is going to be a surprise, I’m not constantly wondering “I wonder if he’ll propose tonight!” Have you and your SO talked about a timeline? It is hard to bring up the first time, but you wil feel a lot better about it if you do, from my experience. Get a feel for when he is thinking about taking the next step without pressuring him into doing so. Approach it more as curiosity than impatience.
Good luck with everything! Remember, you haven’t been together that long, and you’ve already been through the hardest part: finding the right man! Your time WILL come! I promise! Until then, though, there are tons of waiting bees here for you to vent to, so you’re in good company!
Post # 5
Girl, I remember when everyone around me was getting engaged. I know it’s difficult to be surrounded by all of that when it’s all you want for yourself. I just always tried to remind myself that it really isn’t a competition and that my special time was on the horizon, too.
Also, try to be happy for your friends and family and enjoy helping them celebrate their engagements. You’ll want their support and energy once it’s your turn. Plus, focusing on the good will help you remember that this should really be a happy and fun time for you, not one that makes you frustrated.
And when all else fails, just look at your awesome SO and think about how lucky you are to have him and know deep down (even if it’s not public or official yet) that you have an amazing guy who you’re planning to spend the rest of your life with.
Chin up, hun! 🙂
Post # 6
@Papillion: In the same boat, sister. We’ve been together 2+ years, live together, have pets and vehicles together….but no ring!
I totally feel you on everyone around you getting engaged. All our or friends have gotten married in the last year and all of my female cousins are now engaged. then 3 nights ago I see two more of his good buddies have proposed to their girlfriends they’ve been seeing less time than he’s been seeing me.
It’s hard. You want to be happy for these people but its a struggle not to get mopey and sad and wonder if you’re not “marriage material” and all of those silly thoughts we have.
I was very upset the other day about the 2 friends getting engaged, so i turned to two of my recently engaged/married friends for advice. They told me when they got to that breaking point with their bfs, they simply quit discussing or asking about getting engaged and saw pretty quick results. I was skeptical but have been at it a few days and he’s definitely noticed me not talking about vendors or watching TLC “wedding porn” or asking him ‘when when when??’. Now HE is starting to bring it up.
So that would be my advice, just dont bring it up and politely act like you dont care. I think sometimes they just know we want it so bad that we’ll wait forever for that ring, and need a little push 😉
Post # 7
Thanks everybody, you bees are the best!
It’s just so weird, normally I can keep control of my emotions and I’m more than okay with waiting (I’m the “finance manager” in our relationship, so the bottom-line is always my number one priority ha ha). With all the invites and announcements though, it’s been overwhelming, and I’m so relieved that I have someone to talk you (I’m sure you can imagine the awkwardness of having this vent to one of my already engaged friends, wouldn’t be so helpful)
My mantra has always been “Meh, we’re basically engaged right now, there’s just no ring or fancy proposal to prove it, but we know we’ll be married someday”, and I hope it won’t be long before that kicks back into gear.
Thanks again, lovely waiting bees- already you’ve helped cheer me up <3
Post # 8
what’s troubling you? is it jealousy at others? or resentment towards him.
calm down. live your life. when the time comes and you feel ready, then come back and tell us all about it.
Try to be happy for others. It shouldn’t be difficult if you truly care about them.
Post # 9
I think more than anything it’s just my own impatience. I’ve been impatient to graduate, to get my own place and to get a “real” job teaching for quite a while now too- things that should’ve happened before now if I hadn’t had some health setbacks. I’m happy for all the ladies and my guy friend who are all taking the next steps, and I have no hostility against my S.O (half the time he’s the one saying he can’t wait any longer, and I’m the one who says “we have lots of time”).