Selective child free wedding situation

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2061 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am right there with you!!!!! I think you just need to make sure you address invites to only those invited-so it would be Mr. & Mrs. BIL…then specify you aren’t having anyone under 13, or a specific age. I feel the same way, who in the hell wants a new baby running the show? We aren’t having anyone under 18, specifically bc my FI has a 13 year old cousin that we lovingly refer to as spawn of satan, and we do not want her there. I’m of the camp that for a wedding, especially a formal one, little ones have no place. If your FI doesn’t care, let him have the convo with his brother that althought you adore the baby, they’d be best getting a sitter that night.

Post # 3
Member
856 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

MrsHistory-Bee:  I think it’s tough because he’s immediate family. If he weren’t he would be easier to exclude. We had no children at our wedding except immediate family and wedding party which included a 1 year old and a 9 month old. I honestly didn’t even notice they were there. What does your fiancé think? Also the parents may not even want him there. I’m now the mother of a 1 year old and the idea of bringing her to a wedding sounds like pure torture lol. Her bedtime is 6:30/7pm and if we miss it she’s a nightmare so as a mom I’d for sure leave her home and have a good time w my husband, wine glass in hand, baby tucked in at home w a babysitter. Babies at weddings are a touchy subject though do good luck w your ILs! 

Post # 4
Member
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I agree. I do not think babies or children should be at weddings. That being said, I think you should be careful about whose children are and are not invited. You don’t want anyone to feel upset if some kids are there yet their children were not invited. I would just be sure to clarify your plans. Oh and the thought of some adult pulling a baby in a wagon down the aisle literally made my skin crawl… 😉

Post # 5
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Tell them NO POINT.BLANK.PERIOD i’m in the exact same situation as you my sister just had a baby in April and he will be about 1 possibly two when the wedding date rolls around. This is my only sister we are not even a year apart so we are super close I told her that her son will not be invited I joked, made it lighthearted but I am serious.  This is a day when family and friends come together to celebrate your union in whatever way you desire there will be drinking,dancing and possibly cursing and if it is an evening that is no place for a child anyway.  My dad was a be peeved but I told him the same thing my wedding is not a play pen and if people feel offended that I don’t want their children there they can stay home.

Post # 7
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

I think you’re asking for trouble by ”selecting” which kids can attend. Don’t get me wrong, I’m CBC myself and I don’t want kids, especially babies, to attend my wedding. I strongly believe unless you have kids yourself and consider kids to be an extremely important aspect of your wedding day, to the point you would dislike your wedding if there weren’t any kids, that weddings are NOT meant for children to attend. I would suggest, either make it a 16+ event (16 year olds are considered ‘adult’ guests in most venue, when it comes to meals and costs), or an adult-only affair and be clear about that, no exception. Since your family seems to have children of every age, from toddlers to teenagers, you need to draw a firm line, not just select among the crowd. This could upset a lot of people, including the kids/teenagers themselves.

Post # 8
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t think you can exclude your nephew from your wedding. There is a chance that the parents will want a night away.  I hired a babysitter to be in a room at my venue.  I have a niece around the same age who is the light of everyones lives, but she went to the babysitter during dinner came out for a while then went back.  It’s not that much fun watching a one year old at a wedding.  I would get a babysitter to have at the wedding.  People will appreciate it and you won’t have to exclude him..which would be rude.

Post # 10
Member
8593 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Well, I think it’s fine to have child free weddings but you can’t randomly exclude one and not the other.  So if you’re going to have it be child free…then you need to exclude all children.  Otherwise I’d think you’re pretty rude.  Maybe set a limit of all children under 15/16 not allowed. 

It might be a little risky since it is immediate family and it’s possible they would choose not to attend, which might upset your fiance since he would like his brother to be there?  A one year old should be capable of being left with a sitter or family for the evening but you never know how some people react.

Post # 12
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

To be honest, I had a ton of children at my wedding, and absolutly none of them where noticably ill behaved.  But I understand not everyone wants children at their wedding, and that is okay too.

I do think you are going to cause a TON of hurt feelings not even letting baby John come.  I don’t think I would want to start off my life with my new family causing a huge rift in it. I would talk with your FI about it.  Does he agree with your child free wedding choice?  Make the call together, one way or another.  Don’t bully him into getting what you want, but really listen to him.  If you agree that John is off the guest list, agree to the point where there is going to be no backing down when he talks to his family, and that all statements about John not being invited are “We” instead of “History-bee thinks…” 

Also, you will be the center of attention period, end of story.  We had our niece and nephew at the wedding, and many relatives had not met the niece yet.  Also, some of my cousins brought their babies who were born in the last 6 months, who the extended family hadn’t met yet.  No one was paying more attention to the babies than us. 

Post # 13
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Nothings rude about it, just do a strict cut off age. I love children but my wedding is not child friendly. There will be two infants there because they are at the constant breastfeeding stage and that’s an exception, but we have had to get shirty with a couple of people (one who wanted to bring her FOUR daughters who were not included on the invite.) If the child is that old, they might still be breastfeeding but they won’t need the breast constantly like a newborn, so I say just proceed and ask lots of interested questions about their childcare arrangements. 

If you think they’re going to create an enormous fuss, you might want to hire a sitter.

Post # 14
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You have to draw a clear line and stick to it. Pick an age cutoff and be consistent, no exceptions, not even for the bridal party. Otherwise you’ll have peeved guests wondering why they had to make arrangements for their kids while X didn’t have to. If there’s a firm age cutoff then the reason is completely transparent.

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