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Hmm, I can see that this would be frustrating! Ultimately, I know that her behaviour seems selfish and self-absorbed but at the end of the day family is family and while she may not be the greatest sister to your FH, she's the only one he has so I would suggest a reasonable compromise that you all can feel good about? If the wedding is the 28th and the horse show starts the 25th, perhaps one half day or something will work, to appease her and also maybe as a bit of a break and some fun during the last minute wedding prep madness? Maybe you could even bring some of your family along if that's something really different that they'd be interested in and enjoy?
It's not ideal that she is acting this way, but at the same time it must be hard for your FH to be in this position too (of feeling torn). I hope it all works out!
Eh. Honestly, it's her choice to miss this. What are you supposed to do? Either she shows up for you or she doesn't. I wouldn't give it much more thought than that.
that would not be a bad idea of taking a half day, however, it is nowhere close to our city. it really would take the day. i don't know if we can afford the time. we only have a week to do everything. i would feel bad leaving stuff for my family to do while i went away for the day.
Well, I think then you and/or FH need to kindly but firmly explain why you can't attend the show because it will be a busy week and you have other obligations to see to. Any reasonable person would understand that.....not saying that she's one of them! :)
At the end of the day, you both need to do what works for YOU not her and not feel bad about it. You tried initially (ie when FMIL said it was the 21st) and it's not your fault that you got misinformation.
Best of luck!
@cdncinnamongirl: that's for your support. i just want to make sure i am not being unreasonable.
fyi, she is not necessarily competing in the shows, she just goes to watch. that's like my FH brushing her off because he wants to go to a car show.
If you have time before the wedding you can try and visit the show, but only if you have time. Tell her that you're sorry and you'll try and make it, but you have a lot of stuff to get done for the wedding and you can't make any promises. Or maybe you could invite her to hang out with you? Are you have a girls' spa day or anything? She is still coming to the wedding right?
@RunsWithBears: yes, she is still standing up with us. we will invite her to pre-wedding things but she will be at this 'show'. not in town. i would love to have her join me and the girls that week but she has chosen to go see the horses. she expects us to go to her. every time.
@mypinkshoes: Well that really sucks and I think it's rude she won't be flexible. Every relationship requires some sort of compromise by both parties. I think you're doing all you can. Invite her to pre-wedding stuff and make it clear that you'd really love her to come. Sorry she's so frustrating. =/
as someone who is pretty involved in many horse show circuits in varying disciplines in ontario, I am curious as to where she is finding all of these horse shows. Did anyone tell her April is COLD…why would you voluntarily spend your days in a crowded arena?
More to the point, its not cool that she is not putting her brother first in this circumstance.
@Dutchie: yes, april is COLD still. it will feel even colder when i get there (we now live in Mexico). i am not sure if the show is in ontario or MI or ohio. thoses are the usual places she goes. not even sure if it's a competition or just like a trade show or convention. i only hear 'show', whatever that means. we have gone to a few of them to see her when they are closer to home and we had fun but those were in june/july/august. so we have definitely made many attempts to see her.
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i am just venting here a bit but tell me if you have come across this and what would you do? it might make me feel better.
we now live in another country and will be going back home to ontario for our wedding. we are having a small wedding (40-45) and only 2 attendants. my son, 27, will be standing up with me and FH sister,33, with him.
my FH has a small family, only him, his parents and his sister. all others are in england. they are very close and i love that. however, his sister always expects everything to fit her schedule. when we were getting ready to move away, our families new for 6 months. his sister works a lot but always has tuesdays off. she never came to visit him on her day off. she always visited her horses. as you can imagine, our last months before moving was extremely busy, packing, special visas, logistics, etc. she kept wanting him to come to visit her at her horses 2 hours away, he told her he had a lot to do and suggested her to visit him on her days off. she never did, her horses were the priority. the week we were leaving, she was upset at him because she didn't get to see him. who's fault is that?
we came home for a week's visit and the same thing happened. last day there, we were all supposed to meet up in our city (we were visiting my son and mom that day too) and she called and said that she couldn't make it there in time and could we meet her half way at a different restaurant outside the city. i told him to go and my son and i went to visit my family as planned.
when we went home again in the fall to pick our venue etc, we knew we wanted end of april. (21 or 28). when asked which date we are looking at, my FMIL informs me that his sister has a horse show that she wants to go to on the 21st. so, we booked our venue for the 28th. btw, on that visit, we invited her to come and view venues with us on her day off. she chose her horse on her day off and only saw us for an hour between veiwing venues.
just recently, FMIL called and told us that the horse show is not the 21st, it's 25th-29th. we're not changing the date! we will be coming home for the wedding a week beforehand and you know how much 'stuff' will have to be done. well, his sister has the nerve to ask if we will go visit her those days at the horse show. seriously?? does she even realize there is a wedding? my family and friends are all rallying together that week to help with last minute details. my one sister is coming from halifax 4 days early to help me. his sister hasn't even asked what she can do to help. she hasn't even picked out a dress yet. we have not given her any duties for the wedding and my son will be doing the toasts/etc. frankly because she hasn't asked.
i feel sorry for my FH because he is torn. i know she loves her brother but i think she loves herself more. mostly i just ignore it but when i think of it, i wonder how someone could be so selfish. (yes, she is single).
what do you think?