(Closed) Selfish for eloping?

posted 5 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
6125 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think I’m doing everyone a favor by eloping.  No gifts to buy, no plane ticket to buy, or hotels and rental cars (we live near no one), no time to take off from work.  What a relief for them that they are off the hook for all of that!  No one was excited for it anway.t

Disregard that article, it’s made to rile you up!

Post # 4
Member
8021 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t know- I am all for eloping but if the reason for a couple eloping is not to buy into the whole wedding machine complex thing but then you have an elaborate elopement then yeah I would side eye you!

But I do think that family that isn’t invited along due to an elopement have the right to be disappointed because everyone has the right to feel whatever they like. But that doesn’t mean that the couple are selfish.

I do however think it is a little selfish to elope and then a year later throw a more traditional wedding. If it wasn’t important for a couple to invite people to their actual wedding why all of a sudden is it now? I even side eye at home receptions after an elopement because I really don’t get it. It kind of feels like a consilation prize!

Post # 5
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Don’t you guys remember Mrs. Mole’s wedding?! She and Mr. eloped to Vegas with their nearest and dearest and then had (I forget if it was 1 or 2 more receptions), but I don’t think ANYONE thought of them as selfish! Jezebel readers just like to think that they are better than everyone else. Every once in a while I think they have funny articles, but more often than not, it’s just plain offensive.

Post # 6
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee

It’s not selfish to elope. If you want to that’s your choice and people need to respect and understand that. 

Post # 7
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

That’s ridiculous. Yes, I want a photographer at our elopement (or more of a private ceremony) with only our three closest friends (two witnesses and the officiant and hopefully with one of their fathers doing the photography). I don’t think it’s selfish to want pictures of your wedding, even if it’s only the two of you.

 

Although spending thousands of dollars on a fancy elopement is silly. But definitely up to the couple. I really don’t feel comfortable having my family/not as close friends at the ceremony. I want it to be about US, without worrying about spilling my feelings and heart out in front of people I’m uncomfortable with.

Post # 8
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

The last story is rather ridiculous in my opinion, but as are any over the top weddings. When you start hiring local children to carry things, I think you’ve gone too far. 

Post # 9
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m eloping with my fi, my parents, his dad, my brothers, my bridesmaids, his sisters, his groomsmen and our nieces and nephews and now the new edition to the clan (our baby).

The next week were having a big party in my hometown. Basically I could never get married without my immediate family around me and it would break my parents hearts if we did

Post # 10
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@j_jaye:  Maybe that’s when they can afford a wedding and really wanted to be married before they had the funds for it.

Post # 11
Member
2010 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think anexpensive elopement is silly.  Elopinrare lot always about cost.

I think most weddings are dog and pony shows, but someone wanting may what thetheatrics and details of a wedding.  Why is that any more ridiculous!?

Post # 12
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

If you’re eloping because it’s what you really want to do and it fits both of your desires and personalities, then it’s not selfish in my opinion. No one has a “right” to see you married, and no one is “owed” a wedding. Yes, some people may be disappointed, but that does not mean that you shouldn’t elope. 

And I don’t think expensive elopements are ridiculous at all. For example, I will most likely end up eloping (or have a very, very small destination wedding, with just immediate family and one or two close friends). I am a very shy, private person and I hate having the spotlight on me; a wedding would make me freak out. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to get married in style. I will still have a nice dress, a great photographer, a beautiful location, and awesome food. I think it depends on the couple and their situation. Some people are just more private, but still want something nice.

Post # 13
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it’s selfish for people to want you to have a public wedding when it’s not what you want for YOUR wedding. I am eloping and I feel a little selfish, but if I can’t be selfish about my own wedding when will I ever have such a good reason to be selfish? It’s what I want and it’s what my FI wants and since it’s out wedding I feel that that is the most important. The one thing I do feel a little bad about is that we will need two witnesses and we aren’t taking anyone with us so they are going to be strangers to us and I feel like it isn’t fair that the only people at our wedding will be strangers, but it’s the law so I’ll have to accept it. I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with making it an elaborate elopement if that’s what you want and can afford. I think having a lot of pictures is a good way to make people feel like they were there if you share the pictures with those you would have invited. I think everyone has their own personal reasons for wanting to elope and that there is nothing wrong with doing your wedding your way 100%

Post # 14
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

You can’t win either way, so do what makes you happy.

We wanted a wedding on the beach but could not figure out the logistics for everybody to be there, short of paying for everyone to get there. His family expected a lot of things and was not contributing in any way. It was just such a hassle to please the family and seemed impossibe as everybody was pulling in a different direction.

I think we ended all the drama and saved everyone the travelling time and money. It was the best decision for us. I did let my family know beforehand and they agreed that we should do what makes us happy, especially after we told them that we wanted something romantic and intimate and didn’t want to share our honeymoon.

Post # 15
Member
9147 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Eloping used to be way more common and approved of, especially when spending large sums of money that you don’t have wasn’t seen as fashionable or smart (i.e. no credit card, charged weddings.)  Who cares what other people think?  If you and your FI think eloping is the best option for you, do it.  And if you ::gasp:: actually want pictures of it to show your children and grandchildren, then by all means bring along a photographer.

Post # 16
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Why are expensive elopements silly?  I see bees flying to Paris in couture gowns with a high end photographer and I think its FABULOUS.  That’s what a proper elopement should be about – just the two of you, jetting off somewhere private and mysterious, wearing awesome travel gear and taking in the surroundings. 

 @Irish-bride:  That’s called a destination wedding, sweets.  The only exception to the bride and groom only elopement rule would be if you brought your children, IMO.

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