(Closed) selfish much….

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1791 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t have any personal experience with this, but a friend of mine does. I was invited to her destination wedding last winter. About 2 months before, her and her fiance decided to cancel the wedding so her Dad could be there since he was getting progressively worse (also cancer). She had a nice reception at her family home with only family invited. Her dad passed on the day that she would have gotten married. It was really sad, but I don’t think she regrets moving her day up at all, and she has some beautiful pictures of her and her dad from the wedding. I teared up when I saw those pictures. Like full-on ugly crying. It was beautiful.

If it were me, I’d do anything to have my father with me on my wedding day, even if that meant giving up on a “dream” wedding just to do some cake and punch. 

Whatever you choose, I’m very sorry about your father. Miracles do happen, and i hope he pulls through.

Post # 5
Member
1791 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Maybe if you can’t afford to actually change your wedding, maybe you can just get married legally with your father as your witness, either at town hall, the courthouse, or maybe even a hospital chapel. I don’t know if that will satisfy your father, but you could still wear your dress etc. and he can hear you and your FI exchange vows. Nobody else needs to know you did this, and you can carry on with your wedding as planned in December. Financially, I don’t think this would really affect cost since you’d already need to get a marriage license etc. for the actual wedding. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

DH’s father passed away 7 months before our wedding. He died from cancer. We moved our wedding up a year to try to have him there but we couldn’t do it any earlier. I know that DH is still devastated that he couldn’t have his father there to share our day with us. If you can move it up – do it. But I would also talk to your dad first and make sure that he’s ok with that – sometimes they don’t want family to change their plans just for them, even when they’re ill.

Post # 7
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

As far as your worry about being selfish, I would argue that you’re not selfish at all, and that your desire for a nice wedding (or even a dream wedding) and your feelings about your father’s illness are two separate things (even though it doesn’t seem that way right now).

I mean, you are getting married independent of your father’s illness, and his illness is separate from your wedding. You’re entitled to feel the way you do about both of these things.

I’ve seen a couple of examples where a bride had a “wedding,” that she’d planned out, and then a very simple ceremony/small reception at home a couple of months before for a parent that couldn’t make it. You could wear your dress like Krises said. Is it that you don’t like this idea, or are you just overwhelmed with everything going on at the same time (which is totally understandable)?

Post # 8
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

This happend to my friend.  She planned a wedding in 3 months.  She even started planning before the proposal because whe wanted her dad there.  Of course it is not selfish of you to think of it.  You want your daddy to be there but it is stressful planning a wedding in 3 months.  No matter what you decide your dad will be very proud of you.

Post # 9
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@crebre80: I JUST posted to your other thread…so please don’t think I am stalking you =)

I think you should move the wedding up. Even if it’s family only and you have to hold it in someone’s backyard…outdoor weddings are beautiful. If it has been your daddy’s dream to walk you down the aisle, I wouldn’t take that away from him by going to the courthouse.

I have a HUGE family so I have tons of stories so bear with me =) My SIL wanted to get married at the courthouse but her father wouldn’t hear of it. I planned their house wedding and made sure there was an aisle…even though it wasn’t very long =) Her dad BEAMED with pride the whole way down. He was so proud and full of joy at seeing his oldest daughter be married and walking her down the aisle. Her dad has since passed away from the illness he was suffering from even then, but she often pulls out the pictures and the memories of the special time that she had with her dad on her wedding day. All of this was to say….the wedding wasn’t expensive, just her, my brother, a best man, and maid of honor. It certainly wasn’t fancy…it was at their house, no fancy centerpieces, or decorations. But my family, and my SILs family rallied around and made it a great day for her.

The moral of the story?…because there HAS to be a moral right? LaughingRely on your friends, rely on your family, to help make your day perfect for  you, your FI, and your families. I think you will be pleasantly surprised at the results. If you can afford cake and champagne, maybe your aunts or uncles or cousins can each bring a dish or help decorate, or hold the wedding at their house…especially if they have a big backyard. I think you can do it…and do it big, without breaking the bank.

Post # 11
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t have any suggestions more helpful than the ones already given. However, I feel the need to chime on one aspect: Don’t you dare call yourself selfish! As you pointed out, he may need things other than your wedding. But as you also pointed out, he wants to walk you down the aisle. Sometimes, what someone wants is equally important to what they need.

Post # 13
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@crebre80: Which do you think your dad would rather you do – think about him and his situation 24/7 and make it so that your entire life revolves around him? Or take some time to consider the event that will celebrate the love between you and your partner? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Post # 15
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

The ceremony is what’s important. People have receptions months after the actual wedding all the time.  I’m sure no one would question your reason to have the actual ceremony earlier.  I am so sorry to hear about your dad. 

Post # 16
Member
14503 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Sorry about your situation and your fathers illness.  If your dad can’t make it to a wedding, take the wedding to him.  In LA you can get someone a clergys license and they have to register at the local clerk of the district court.  My dad actually legally married us and we are having our religous wedding next year because of the recent death of the FH’s ex wife.  Maybe you could have a friend or family member marry you where he is at or will be.

Here is a link:

http://www.themonastery.org/?destination=ordination

I am sorry about the way it happened, but the hive missed you and we are glad you are back.

 

 

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