Post # 1
I definitely feel selfish writing this, but I’ll give some back story so you might understand better.
My FI is a twin and his twin got married a year ago. My FI and I started dating in December 2010 and they started dating in February 2011. Ever since his twin’s wife came in the picture, she has made everything a competition. She got mad that my parents met his parents first and even said if I was engaged before she was then she would wait to get engaged until after our wedding so we didn’t have to share the spotlight.
Ultimately, they got engaged in October 2012 and married in February 2013. We got engaged 3 months after their wedding and decided on a 13 month engagement for financial and logistic reasons. This past fall she started telling one of my future SIL’s that they were going to TTC soon because she had to be pregnant before my wedding. In her mind, being pregnant before my wedding means she wins. That’s just how she’s always been.
Well, this weekend her and her husband (FI’s twin) announced to his family that they are 4 weeks pregnant. I have serious issues with this for several reasons
1) She’s 4 weeks! I firmly believe you don’t tell anyone you’re pregnant until 10-12 weeks because of the risk of losing it.
2) Anytime I would try to talk wedding with future MIL in front of her, she would immediately change topic to either her pregnancy or her wedding.
3) Her husband has been sexting and snapchatting other women for the past year.
I now feel like she successfully pulled the attention away from our upcoming wedding just like she wanted. I’m not jealous that she’s pregnant before us by any means, just upset with the events that have happened recently and the way she has handled it. For instance, she knows that my future SIL wants nothing more than to be a mom, but she is still waiting on a proposal from her BF (FI’s brother) of 5 years. She took a video of her announcing her pregnancy to his parents and sent it to future SIL as a way to rub it in her face. The same thing happened when they got engaged. She knew I wanted a proposal, so when her DH proposed first she made sure to text me in all caps telling me he proposed. Nobody else got that text, just like no one else got that video she sent future SIL.
I seriously don’t know how to handle her anymore!
Post # 3
That sucks. the worst part about it, is you can’t get away from her because she married into the family… ;(
I am sorry you have to deal with that.
Post # 4
Every time she gets under your skin she wins and you perpetuate the competitive drama. Just stop giving a shit about her and her antics. Simple as that. Just (don’t) do it.
Post # 5
+1 OP, you’re better off just focusing on this happy time in your life.That chick seems really immature as well as insecure..don’t allow her to bring you down to her level…if you feed into her garbage, she wins…every time. You ignore her & her childish behavior, you win…period. She is definitely not worth stressing &being upset over…definitely not worth it.
Post # 6
She’s trying to get attention and validation from other people because she isn’t getting it from her husband; likely didn’t get it when they were dating, either. I’ve found that people who behave that way have a history of being treated poorly, and never found a way past that hurt, so it manifests in attention seeking behavior.
Try to understand that she is probably hurting because of her husband (and possibly past people’s) behavior. Does she have friends and family who are supportive of her?
Post # 7
@mrsdfarrar6714: Does she know about the sexting? If so, she is probably feeling really insecure and feels like it is a necessity for her to explain how awesome her relationship is (when it clearly needs some work). Because she has married herself into the fam, you cannot get away sadly. But, just don’t react! It is hard and sometimes will feel uncomfortable, but just focus on yourself and surround yourself with YOUR friends.
Sorry you are going through this.
Post # 8
Nothing she does is going to take away from your wedding. Just be the mature one and mind your own business, and let her mind hers.
Post # 9
Part of me would want to be really passive aggressive to her so she gets the hint that you’re not stupid and you know what she’s doing.
As she’s talking about something baby-related, I’d interrupt and say something like, “Oh — SIL, please, you don’t want to bore everyone with that! I’m sure they’d much rather hear about my wedding planning.” … or, “SIL — how cute that you’re so excited already! Aw, just give it some time, I’m sure everyone else will be excited, too. They’re just focused on my wedding.”
I know it’s not the right way to go about it, obviously, but something to consider… hehe 😉
Post # 10
@mrsdfarrar6714: ignore, ignore, ignore her antics.
I actually think it’s better to not talk wedding to FMIL in front of her anyway. Just ensure you and FI meet FMIL on your own, so you can talk weddings then.
Oh and your FBIL is a POS if he’s been sexting other women virtually from their wedding day. Take comfort in the fact you’ve got the good twin she’s got the douchebag. It sounds like she’s pressured a crappy guy into marriage, and now into children. I just feel sorry for her.
Post # 11
@mrsdfarrar6714: first to get engaged, first to get married, first to get pregnant…first to get a divorce. Seriously, that marriage will implode, just give it time. Focus on making your MARRIAGE as strong and happy as can be–she will never be able to “beat” you there.
PS- I would start making snarky comments about how “fat” she is going to be in all the family photos as in “Wow, you are so brave to get pregnant right before all the family photos. I would be so self conscious being so fat in all those pictures that everyone is going to see”
(I certainly do NOT think pregnant woman are fat. I think they look great. But she seems like someone who is totally worried about crap like that)
Post # 12
@mrsdfarrar6714: I don’t think your post is selfish at all!!
This type of behaviour would drive me nuts! This woman must be miserable though, people who brag often are trying to convince themselves that their lives are perfect (I bet things are just crumbling with her husband’s “straying” incidents)
Best of luck to you and your wedding, don’t let her ruin this for you, try to avoid her as much as possible is the only advice I can think of.
Post # 13
Ignore her as much as you can.
I don’t recommend being passive aggressive or doing to her what she has done to you. I also don’t recommend taking comfort in the fact that her husband is texting other women.
As for her pregnancy announcement, she can announce it whenever she wants to. That’s her decision to make.
Your wedding is still a wedding, so it will get attention. If you know she does certain things at certain times — changing the conversation when you’re talking to FMIL about your wedding, for instance — avoid those situations if you can.
If she crosses a line with you that you don’t want crossed, you might just have to talk to her about it, but other than that, ignore her.
Post # 14
@southernbelle381: I was wondering that too. Does she know about her husband’s behavior?
Post # 15
Ok Number 2 on your list would get annoying. Beyond that, though, the other ‘reasons’ you’re annoyed seem petty and not really your business…You shouldn’t care when other people announce their own pregnancy and if they want to have a baby dispite some alleged issues in their relationship, then that’s on them. I don’t see how that should bother you at all. I think you just don’t like her so you get super annoyed by everything she does.
Post # 16
First, your opinion on when women should annouce their pregnancy is irrelevant. Who made you boss of gestation?
Second, it sounds like her husband is a POS, so there is really nothing ot be jealous about.
I would ignore her.