Post # 1
I am very intrigued and interested in hearing some of you ladies responses to this question, and it may have been asked before…
I noticed some of you are purchasing items, booking places, etc etc… and then i see.. We should be engaged by xxxxx
how can one plan a wedding when they arent engaged?
Sure, I had thought about things and said in my mind “oh i would love this, etc etc” but, i didn’t even think about setting a date, purchasing anything, trying on a single dress, asking people to be in the wedding party, or booking the reception site until the ring was on my finger. I’m just confused as to how this thought process works really…… if he’s GOING to propose.. a) why not wait until he does to start planning or b) whats the point of a proposal when its essentially skipped over to plan the wedding? Isnt the proposal his way of saying “here is my commitment to you, I would like to marry you, and in return I have given you a modern day dowry (engagement ring)?
Post # 3
i think they have already discussed marriage, engagement, etc. and some have even gone ring shopping. for a lot of people it’s about saving money to get the ring, and they know it will happen soon, so they are too excited to wait to start planning!
Post # 4
I definitely fall into that category of women who are planning before the official engagement. I’m not exactly sure how it happened; I know the proposal will happen before the end of March because he’s told me so and I think a part of the wedding planning and venue searching on my end has been to distract me from wondering about the proposal lol.
My SO and I would like to be engaged already; it’s simply a matter of money. He doesn’t want to pay interest on my ring (which I LOVE him for) so he’s going to pay in full; he’s about $500 away from being able to pay cash for the ring of my dreams.
I don’t feel awkward about planning before the engagement; I know it definitely seems odd and maybe naive, but my SO and I have already looked at one venue together and are going to look at another this weekend. Maybe I’d feel stupid if I was looking and searching on all my own, but he’s actively involved in the planning already, so it just feels right to me. But, I have to say, I won’t be putting any money down on anything until it’s “official.”
That’s my story and I completely agree that it may seem a little weird or jumping the gun, but it works for me and my SO, so that’s all that matters to me
Post # 5
You can see this debate on many thread- including the one about buying a dress before engagement. My answer is- we’re broke- so having the wedding we want require a lot of time and planning to get the best deal- he stalked a stone and bought it at an amazing price- I stalked a designer dress and bought that- we’re not offically engaged because he doesn’t have a job- and it would be weird to us to be engaged with no employment, but little by little our wedding will come together.
Also, this is a team effort here- I’m not hiding wedding planning books under my pillow or anything. 🙂
Everyone on the threads thinks it’s “crazy” to make such a committment- but we already live together, merged accounts, etc. so it isn’t a stretch or big deal to start planning. If we broke up- it would be more effort to move out than to sell a dress!
Post # 6
It’s become less of a “surprise” that one would propose in recent years, and more of a mutual decision to start moving towards being married. It’s just that most people are still kind of traditional and want the proposal even after they’ve decided to get married.
Post # 7
I think it’s one of those things that it different for different people. Some people (like myself) and their partners already plan dates before the engagement. We have been together over 5 and a half years, so we knew we wanted to get married and roughly when. Now that we are officially engaged we know exactly what is happening and when, and it has made wedding planning now that we are “official” so much less stressful.
That being siad, this isn’t something that will work for everyone. Each to their own.
Post # 8
It’s very interesting to me and I commend those of you that have done it, its gutsy, and risky.. in my opinion anyway.
I understand living together and all that.. but I dont understand the rush to move forward. I pre-discussed my goals and aspirations for my future with my SO before we moved in together. I want to be married before I am 25, he knew that, he understood that, we were on the same page… If we werent, I wouldn’t of moved in with him and made that commitment.
however, at the same time, just knowing he wanted that same thing too, didn’t make me go out and buy a dress, book a venue, and plan my colors…its kind of… jumping the gun?
kudos to you all though for moving forward with what you want!
Post # 9
@cupcake – Im glad someone asked this because I was kind of wondering myself. Even though me and my Fiance had discussed marriage and a general timeline of when we would get engaged, I would have never imagined planning a wedding beforehand! I didnt even know people did that until I came on weddingbee. Even though I would never do it myself and do think its a little odd in general – I dont know each of these women’s relationships and therefore I wont make any judgments. If it works for them then great and more power to them!
Post # 10
The only thing we did before becoming “officially” engaged was book our venue.
We were talking about getting married – and not on the way of “one day”, but when specifically we wanted to. He took me rign shopping with the full intention of us picking something we both loved. My ring was a design we found online and loved – but could only get in sterling silver with a CZ (no bueno) so we were in the process of having the ring designed and made in platinum and finding a stone.
We knew we wanted our date and booked the venue almost 2 years in advance. As soon as the ring was done ~ he snuck to pick it up and proposed out of the blue. I was still completely surprised and it was wonderful. The way I see it – we gave ourselves more time to financially be ready and were able to secure the venue and date we truly wanted.
Post # 11
I guess my question for people who aren’t planning is what is the difference between hanging out on wedding site and picking out a venue before engagement?
In My Humble Opinion it’s still wed-stalking, which is more about a state of mind then what you’re actually buying/planning. I would also like to think that buying things before engagement is something a couple does- not some wannabe bride hoarding a wedding treasure-trove in her closet- which to me is th equivalent of hiding the fact that you’re on weddingbee. If you can’t be honest with visiting (stalking) a wedding website- then you’re just not “practically engaged” because you’re obviously not on the same page.
It does take the stress out of planning- because a lot of it will be done. There are advantages like- actually enjoying your engagement instead of stressing about decisions, having more time/money to plan.
Post # 12
I’ve been planning my wedding since I was a kid!!! My FH and I talked about getting married, and if we went to a place that looked like it would be a great place to have our reception, or if we thought about a vacation spot for our honeymoon, we discussed it!
Since our wedding is going to be in the off season, I wasn’t worried about booking the venue in advance, I’m definitely not worrying about the dress until next year because I know I will change my mind a thousand times between now and then.
Yes, it is fun to plan, but booking things ahead/buying dresses or whatever IF you haven’t even discussed marriage before is a little…strange.