(Closed) Semi- confused…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i think they have already discussed marriage, engagement, etc. and some have even gone ring shopping. for a lot of people it’s about saving money to get the ring, and they know it will happen soon, so they are too excited to wait to start planning!

Post # 4
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I definitely fall into that category of women who are planning before the official engagement.  I’m not exactly sure how it happened; I know the proposal will happen before the end of March because he’s told me so and I think a part of the wedding planning and venue searching on my end has been to distract me from wondering about the proposal lol.

My SO and I would like to be engaged already; it’s simply a matter of money.  He doesn’t want to pay interest on my ring (which I LOVE him for) so he’s going to pay in full; he’s about $500 away from being able to pay cash for the ring of my dreams.

I don’t feel awkward about planning before the engagement; I know it definitely seems odd and maybe naive, but my SO and I have already looked at one venue together and are going to look at another this weekend.  Maybe I’d feel stupid if I was looking and searching on all my own, but he’s actively involved in the planning already, so it just feels right to me.  But, I have to say, I won’t be putting any money down on anything until it’s “official.”

That’s my story and I completely agree that it may seem a little weird or jumping the gun, but it works for me and my SO, so that’s all that matters to me Smile

Post # 5
683 posts
Busy bee

You can see this debate on many thread- including the one about buying a dress before engagement. My answer is- we’re broke- so having the wedding we want require a lot of time and planning to get the best deal- he stalked a stone and bought it at an amazing price- I stalked a designer dress and bought that- we’re not offically engaged because he doesn’t have a job- and it would be weird to us to be engaged with no employment, but little by little our wedding will come together.

Also, this is a team effort here- I’m not hiding wedding planning books under my pillow or anything. 🙂

Everyone on the threads thinks it’s “crazy” to make such a committment- but we already live together, merged accounts, etc. so it isn’t a stretch or big deal to start planning. If we broke up- it would be more effort to move out than to sell a dress!

Post # 6
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Short answer:

It’s become less of a “surprise” that one would propose in recent years, and more of a mutual decision to start moving towards being married. It’s just that most people are still kind of traditional and want the proposal even after they’ve decided to get married.

Post # 7
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think it’s one of those things that it different for different people. Some people (like myself) and their partners already plan dates before the engagement. We have been together over 5 and a half years, so we knew we wanted to get married and roughly when. Now that we are officially engaged we know exactly what is happening and when, and it has made wedding planning now that we are “official” so much less stressful.


That being siad, this isn’t something that will work for everyone. Each to their own.

Post # 9
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@cupcake – Im glad someone asked this because I was kind of wondering myself. Even though me and my Fiance had discussed marriage and a general timeline of when we would get engaged, I would have never imagined planning a wedding beforehand! I didnt even know people did that until I came on weddingbee. Even though I would never do it myself and do think its a little odd in general – I dont know each of these women’s relationships and therefore I wont make any judgments. If it works for them then great and more power to them!

Post # 10
1205 posts
Bumble bee

The only thing we did before becoming “officially” engaged was book our venue. 

 We were talking about getting married – and not on the way of “one day”, but when specifically we wanted to.  He took me rign shopping with the full intention of us picking something we both loved.  My ring was a design we found online and loved – but could only get in sterling silver with a CZ (no bueno) so we were in the process of having the ring designed and made in platinum and finding a stone.

We knew we wanted our date and booked the venue almost 2 years in advance.  As soon as the ring was done ~ he snuck to pick it up and proposed out of the blue.  I was still completely surprised and it was wonderful.  The way I see it – we gave ourselves more time to financially be ready and were able to secure the venue and date we truly wanted.

Post # 11
683 posts
Busy bee

I guess my question for people who aren’t planning is what is the difference between hanging out on wedding site and picking out a venue before engagement?

In My Humble Opinion it’s still wed-stalking, which is more about a state of mind then what you’re actually buying/planning. I would also like to think that buying things before engagement is something a couple does- not some wannabe bride hoarding a wedding treasure-trove in her closet- which to me is th equivalent of hiding the fact that you’re on weddingbee. If you can’t be honest with visiting (stalking) a wedding website- then you’re just not “practically engaged” because you’re obviously not on the same page.

It does take the stress out of planning- because a lot of it will be done. There are advantages like- actually enjoying your engagement instead of stressing about decisions, having more time/money to plan.

Post # 12
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve been planning my wedding since I was a kid!!!  My FH and I talked about getting married, and if we went to a place that looked like it would be a great place to have our reception, or if we thought about a vacation spot for our honeymoon, we discussed it! 

Since our wedding is going to be in the off season, I wasn’t worried about booking the venue in advance, I’m definitely not worrying about the dress until next year because I know I will change my mind a thousand times between now and then. 

Yes, it is fun to plan, but booking things ahead/buying dresses or whatever IF you haven’t even discussed marriage before is a little…strange.

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