Sending a gift when not invited?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I send gifts?
    Yes, because you care about them and wish them well : (33 votes)
    57 %
    No, because it will make them feel guilty : (14 votes)
    24 %
    It depends - please explain : (2 votes)
    3 %
    I don't care, I just love polls! : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Get their address and send a card : (8 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    42538 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @loving_life:  I have done this many times. I usually include a note to the effect that I know that no matter where we are in life, or what barriers we face with time and distance, that I feel blessed to have had them in my life.

    Post # 4
    Member
    842 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @loving_life:  you should send one if you want to! I know that due to venue and budget, we limited our guest list to 85 people, and could have easily invited 200 friends and family if we were able to. Just because they were not able to invite you for whatever reason, doesn’t mean that they won’t appreciate to know you’re thinking of them on their special day 🙂

    Post # 5
    Member
    2720 posts
    Sugar bee

    I had a very small mostly family only wedding (the non family members were not my friends) and my friends sent me gifts and so did my friend and former college roommate’s parents. They understood that I didn’t want a big wedding and I didn’t feel guilty.

    Post # 6
    Member
    710 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I love doing this! I have lots of acquaintances on facebook that are getting married and having babies, and I LOVE to registry-stalk, and if I find something within my budget that I’d like to send them, I do! I don’t think you’ll ever get a negative response from it. I always send a “Thinking of you and your upcoming wedding/baby – Have fun!” note with my gift, and I think everyone really appreciates it. I feel like we have an understanding that we’re not close enough to expect we’d receive an invitation to each others’ events… it’s just a sweet gesture.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1823 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Send the gift after the wedding. That way it will be clear that you weren’t invited so they won’t feel guilty or think you’re fishing for an invite.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1969 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    The only way that I would send a gift if I wasn’t invited, is if they were eloping or if I knew that they wanted a very small intimate ceremony.  If I knew the person had a 250 person wedding and didn’t invite me, I probably wouldn’t get a gift.  I wouldn’t be upset or anything.  I just wouldn’t feel compelled to go out and spend my hard earned dollars buying them cookware or whatnot.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1823 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @loving_life:  yea, I mention that because for my wedding I actually received a gift from someone who wasn’t invited. She sent the gift after the wedding and I thought it was so sweet. I know that if she would have sent the gift before the wedding, I would have felt like I had to add her to the guest list.

    Post # 11
    Member
    250 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @loving_life:  Our registry was nowhere near empty as of the wedding day. Don’t worry about waiting to send a gift until after the wedding.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2546 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    most of the presents we got were from people who weren’t invited

    go ahead!

    Post # 14
    Member
    213 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I’ve done this many many times! I totally understacut how exspensive it is to invite everyone now that I’m planning my own wedding. I usually send it right as they’re getting married or right after so they don’t feel an obligation to invite anyone or feel guilty!

    It’s a sweet gesture that shows you care!

    Post # 16
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Hi @loving_life:  Agree with the others, if you are friends with this person and appreciate the fact they are in your life don’t feel “guilty” about wanting to recognize this milestone in their life invited or not.

    Agree with julies1949:  (Reply # 2) a heartfelt note is a must

    And also sending it afterwards is a perfect way to make it clear you weren’t fishing for an invite…

    That your gift was truly an act of love and kindness

    Hope this helps,

    PS… Remember you can BUY Now and send later.  Don’t hesitate to shop the Registry early, even if you aren’t invited.  And send the gift after… you don’t have to wait for everyone else to conclude their shopping and the Wedding to be over… as they say the “early bird” gets the worm !!

     

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