(Closed) Sending invites to people that you KNOW won’t come?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

We sent invitations to people we knew weren’t coming and were surprised that some of them did end up coming.  You never know who might be able to come. 

Post # 4
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

we sent invites to a bunch of people that we assumed wouldnt come b/c of family demands. 1) some of them did come 2) most of them didnt, but still sent gifts.

I would not invite more people than your budget or venue will allow, just in case.

Post # 5
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I’ll be sending invites to a few who I know won’t be able to make it. A couple can’t make it because of health reasons, but I want the mto feel as though I still includeded them. I think it starts boardering on the tacky line if you are just sending them out to random people in hopes of getting a gift, but it doesn’t sound like that with you.

Post # 6
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

If they are close family, definitely, you never know they may try to come. but if they are distant cousins of a cousins cousin, then just send a small announcement.

Post # 7
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We sent invites to people who were out of the country or out of state who we knew couldn’t come. Even though we already knew in advance they wouldn’t be joining for the wedding, we just wanted to send it to include them.

Post # 8
Member
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We’re sending invites to people who can’t come, because we will be thinking of them and wish they could make it.

Post # 9
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with the other posts. We have sent some to people we dont’ think can make it, but we want them to feel included, and hope they may actually be able to make it!

Post # 10
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

we sent some to those that we’re really close to (e.g his elderly grandpa, friends working/studying overseas that would’ve really loved to come if they could’ve). they appreciated it and also kept our invite as a momento — ours were individually customized for each guest.

so it depends. i say you’d send one to those that you’re close to.

Post # 11
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i say send the invites as for the receiver, it is nice to be thought of.

but dont send them just so you get gifts – i was a BM about 2yrs ago and the bride did this to all her asian family & friends that wouldnt attend because she knew she would get $ gifts

 

Post # 12
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I wrestled with that issue too. Some I sent because they invited me to their wedding and I felt I should so the same. A few got invites because I heard they would be upset if they were not invited even though they definitely are not coming because of previous plans.

Post # 13
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

We’re spread out around the country, so our counts are ridiculous. We sent out about 100 invites, which is about 200 people, but we only expect about 75. We couldn’t leave all these relatives out even though we know they won’t be able to travel to the wedding. So… yeah, it’s only tacky if you’re fishing for gifts. If you’re acknowledging special friends or relatives, go for it. 

Post # 14
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yes, especially if they are family. Like pp’s said, it is nice to be thought of and lets them know that if they can make it, they are welcome! People may surprise you!

Post # 15
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Send them invites. Some etiquette books will say don’t, because it can be seen as begging for a gift, but really? If I was expecting to be invited to your wedding — even if I knew I couldn’t come — I would be hurt if I didn’t receive an invitation.

Also, a couple others have put it well: you never know who’ll scrape up the money to fly out to celebrate your big day with you! =) 

Post # 16
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

We sent out lots of invites to people we knew weren’t actually going to be able to attend.  Its the thought and the invite that we wanted to convey, and if the roles were reversed, I’ve feel a little hurt that I wasnt invited to theirs.

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