(Closed) Sending invites to people you know won’t come?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

They don’t sound like they should get an invite regardless of distance, really.

We invited some people we knew wouldn’t come, from the UK. But we were close enough to them that when we were on the phone/email with them we said “we are inviting you to our wedding, we know it’s a long way to come and there is no obligation whatsoever, we just wanted you to know that we’d love to have you there.” It doesn’t sound like this is really the case for your KY friends so I probably wouldn’t invite them at all.

Post # 4
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m interested to hear people’s thoughts on this too! I don’t see the point in inviting people you know won’t come, but FI and FMIL are adamant about it. I’ve reluctantly agreed, but I still don’t get it! 

Post # 5
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it’s nice to send an invite to anyone whom you would have wanted to be there, regardless of whether or not you think they can come. The idea of an invitation isn’t to fish for presents, but to say “We want you to be a part of our wedding.”

From what I’ve heard, you’d be surprised how many people will travel for a wedding! However, if they are people who you do not actually *want* there, then don’t invite them. I mean, don’t invite them hoping they won’t come, because then if they do surprise you and go “Hey, this would make a great vacation too, sure we’ll come!” then you’re stuck with having people you don’t want at your wedding. 

Post # 6
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Sending invites to people that you aren’t that close to–no, you don’t need to do that independent of distance. But as for people you care about, would love to have there if they could be there–I think that’s the right thing to do.

Post # 7
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m only inviting very old family friends and a couple of aunts and uncles (in the “ones i know won’t come” category)–like adults and elderly who knew me throughout my entire childhood and were invested in my development. As far as friends/colleagues go, we’re just explaining that primarily because of distance, but also because of the intimate size of the wedding, we’re not inviting them.

Post # 8
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m sending invites to people I know won’t come b/c if I don’t they will be offended and drama will follow.

Post # 9
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Personally, i always appreciate the option of saying no. I hate when people assume I can’t come and don’t invite me. I just feel like I wasn’t special enough ;-/

We’re sending invites to people we know won’t make it. IF they said yes however, I’d be stoked.

Post # 10
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Whenever I get an invite to a wedding (even if it’s an out-of-state wedding) that I cannot attend, I always send a gift.  I kind of feel like there is that unstated obligation to send a gift.  It sounds like you have thought about this quite a bit already… I’d go with your gut feeling and not invite them.

Post # 11
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

It means a lot to people to receive an invitation. If you would invite them if they lived closer, then invite them. It sounds like your FI might feel like he is close enough to them to want them there. You also never know who will surprise you and decide to make the trip – that really can be quite unpredictable.

This was never even a point of question for us, because the majority of our relatives fall in the “definitely not going to come” category, but of course we still invited them. I seriously doubt my aunts and uncles thought we were just “fishing for presents.”

Post # 12
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My fiance did this.  I guess I’m ok with it, since we do want them to be there.  I just wished he’d told me there was no way they’d show up before I limited the guest list because of them. 

 

Post # 13
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

It’s nice to include people you would love to see at your wedding. They might be able to come, and at least they have the option if you send an invite. If they are far away, it’s helpful if you send a STD. If your invites go out 4 weeks before the wedding, it might be cutting it too close for people to travel.

These days, I don’t think most people view wedding invitations as carrying an obligation of giving a gift to the couple (personally, I always send something), so you probably don’t need to worry about that.

Post # 14
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

We invited people we ‘knew’ couldn’t make it, and some of them ended up coming! YOu never know. I think if they are important enough to be invited, they should get an invitation because they should be involved somehow.

Post # 15
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think sending invites should be to people you would like to be there (regardless of distance or prior obligation). I think it says that you value their friendship enough to invite them to the wedding.

If you had a friend who lived close to the wedding site that you already knew woule be out of town on business during your wedding for example – you’d still send an invite. I think it’s a nice thing to do regardless of the people’s availablity.

But as previous posters said don’t invite someone that you wouldn’t actually want there.

Post # 16
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with what’s been said… if you want them to come, send them an invite (regardless of if they will come or not).  If you are doing it to be nice but don’t really care to have them come, I wouldn;t bother with it.  We invited people from out of state, family members, that we thought may say no, and some have surprised us and decided to come. So if you sent the invitation, there is a slim chance they will indeed show.

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