Sending invites when save the dates are declined

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Cordellia:  Who the heck declines at STD? That’s rude in and of itself, so I guess save yourself the shipping and don’t send those people an invite!

Post # 4
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

@mchitt329:  We also had people tell us based just on the Save the Date and before invites were sent out they would not be coming. Around 12 people total.

@Cordellia:  I still sent everyone an invite. My overseas invites were about $2.50 for postage plus the cost of everything in the invite itself so around $5-$6 total. I had about six though which wasn’t too many compared to the local/in country invites. I don’t think it’s horrible to not send one however if the person has made it very clear they will not be coming. If they later ask where their invite is, then maybe send them one.

Post # 5
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@mchitt329:  I don’t think it’s rude, especially if it’s family or other non-local guests. People have told my parents “oh I got the save the date from Feist, sorry to say we won’t be able to go as I’ll be out of the country/at my grandson’s bar mitzvah/etc”. I appreciate knowing sooner rather than later! I’ve also been trying to walk the line on whether sending an invite is gift grabby vs not sending is rude. I’ve been doing it on am individual basis. Mostly – close family gets one anyway, my parents friends do not (to avoid appearing gift grabby.) 

 

Post # 6
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

@Cordellia:  Also, I would add depending on where you sent them overseas that Save the Dates are not really the norm in many places. People in the UK thought mine were very vauge invitations. That is part of the reason some of those people “RSVP’d” to them.

However most of our declines from Save the Dates were from people in the USA.

Post # 7
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I didn’t do save the dates….. probably because I don’t see the purpose… but that’s just me, I think they are a big waste of time…. and if I did do them, I would only send them to the people who might have to travel  or if I was doing a destination wedding….

If they have already said they don’t plan to come then don’t send them an invite…..

Post # 8
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I dont think its rude. A lot of people from where I am do not know what Save the Dates are and might assume its an invitation and feel like they needed to respond.

I wouldn’t send those people an invite, they have already told you.

Post # 9
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

also we adopted the philosphy that if you were close to us, you werent getting an invite.. so the long lost cousin  twice removed, no invite….

Post # 10
milkcowBee
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - The Meeting House/DoubleTree by Hilton

@Cordellia:  My mom and I are still trying to figure this out! We have a few friends who have already told us they won’t be able to make it. I’m afraid that if we don’t send them an invitation, they’ll think they are no longer invited even if their plans change. But if we do send an invitation, I’m afraid it’ll look greedy/gift grabby. I’ve looked into it a little and it seems like everyone is split, so you should be okay either way.

Post # 11
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Had a whole conversation with FI about this ..even though a bunch of his friends are unable to attend (already declined from STD) he still wants an invitation sent. My parents also felt the need to send invites to those that are most likely not coming or have declined … my thought is if its a definite/absolute no – why spend the money on a calligrapher, postage, etc? Well we are but I do think of it as a bit of a waste (I guess in the long run the money wont be a big deal) 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
689 posts
Busy bee

I was sent a STD that had an RSVP card…really, really weird. The STD said invite to follow but included an RSVP card to prompt a response. I was like whaaat? Weird.

Post # 13
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@mchitt329:  I don’t think it’s rude to “decline” a STD. I sent mine out and had one of my friends (who is a hardcore runner) tell me that “we can’t make it because I have a marathon in a different state that day.” I don’t think there’s any harm in just letting people know! 

Post # 14
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@DuckEBee:  *shrug* that’s what invitations are for, they come with convenient response cards when a response is needed and that’s how you let the couple know you can’t come!  

OP, sorry that my comment is distracting from your question.  I still think don’t send them invites!

Post # 15
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

Send the invite. Things may change.

Post # 16
Member
2358 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Always always always send a formal invitation to everyone who got a save the date. Otherwise they will feel like u have disregarded them completely and dont want them to be involved with ur wedding or engagement. It takes away their choice to attend and they will feel uninvited. Which, if they don’t get an invitation, they are essentially uninvited.

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