Sending STDs/Invites to people you are almost SURE won't come

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
917 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

We’re having ours in the DC area, despite our families being from hours (and a continent) away. We sent save the dates, even to his 90+ year old great aunts in Peru, as a gesture of goodwill. I guarantee the tias won’t be coming, but they were thrilled to get the save the dates in the mail.

Have your mother/aunts/cousins explain to the more extended ones that you don’t want to pressure anyone, but that you don’t want them to feel left out of the wedding celebration, even if they can’t be there in person. That’s our angle. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
1631 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@mousepeach:  Send them 🙂 If anyone brings up let them know you understand – but at least help them to feel as included as possible until then.

It might be a regional thing – but our family has sent invites to the showers and Bach parties to people we know won’t be able to make but we would know would show up if they lived closer.

Post # 6
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

Send them and let your guests make their decisions accordingly.  You may be pleasantly surprised at those who decide to attend.

Post # 7
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Send them to everyone you want to invite, even if they may not make it. We sent ours to family on the east coast even though we figured they couldn’t make it. We were actually surprised at who actually did come, and I think you will be too. They will not feel pressured to come if they can’t.

Post # 8
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mousepeach:  STD’s aren’t required.  if you don’t want to send one, you don’t have to.

but send an invitation to anyone who you would like at your wedding.

let the guest decide if they would like to attend or not.

Post # 9
Member
2042 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@mousepeach:  send it anyway.  If they mention they wont be able to make it tell them its ok.  You just dont want to not invite them and them feel they are not as close and they thought. 

Post # 10
Member
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Another MI native living in NYC here 🙂  We too wondered how many people would be willing to travel to our wedding, and were pleasantly surprised by how many said yes (granted, our wedding was in June in Maine, so I think a lot of people liked the idea of getting a (waterfront) hotel discount for a weekend road trip– we even had people drive from Michigan!).  When I sent out invites, there were a few people to whom I made sure to stress that I knew the travel would make things difficult and there was absolutely no pressure to attend.  Given MI weather in February and how that can affect roads and airports, I’d advise making sure that your seating chart is such that you can make last minute changes if people can’t be there (and not have to redo the whole chart to move people around).  We put our table numbers on clothes pins that were attached to the person’s escort card, so changing tables just meant switching clothespins.

Post # 11
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I sent STDs to everyone we wanted to come, whether or not they would actually come or not.  We wanted them to know how special they are to us and they were thought of for our special day.  It’s a nice gesture.

Post # 12
Member
2132 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think you should send it anyways to let them know they’re special to you & you’re thinking of them even though you realize they probably can’t attend. You could even include a note to that effect if you want to take some of the pressure off them. 

Post # 14
Member
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mousepeach:  Thank you!  I was rather proud of thinking of it 🙂  We went up to Maine a week before the wedding, and I knew there would likely be some changes to the seating but didn’t want to have to worry about redoing or reprinting anything once we were there.  This is what ours looked like.  Obviously clothespins might not match your theme, but there are plenty of other ways to make things interchangeable.  We had our favor in the bags (a lighthouse ornament since we like to collect ornaments when we travel, and most people traveled, lighthouse because they are common to both DH’s homestate of Maine and of course MI 🙂

Post # 15
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Yes, we sent stds and invitations to a couple of guests we knew couldn’t come. doesn’t pressure them to come!

Post # 16
Member
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I sent alot of save the dates to family I knew would not come, but I figured that they would like the magnet and would feel like I did not forget them.  It was more of a “I am thinking of you” gesture.

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