Post # 1
A friend of mine is getting married the first weekend in September. She registered 3 months ago and I sent her a gift over a month ago. I know she’s busy working and planning the wedding and really don’t mind/expect to receive a formal thank you, but she has never mentioned even receiving the gift via email. I started to worry a bit, but didn’t want to bother her, so I asked her roommate about it and she said she did receive my gift. I’ve since spoken to this friend numerous times via email and my gift has never been brought up. I am seeing her this weekend for a lunch with some of our friends. I’m not able to attend her shower this month so I wanted to give her my shower gift at lunch this weekend but feel kind of weird since she never mentioned the wedding gift I sent her.
Just wanted to ask, is it the norm to not send a thank you before the wedding? Or, to even mention the gift? I know when I got married, I started receiving gifts off my registry way before our wedding and sent thank you notes shortly after, and I was working full-time and planning my wedding.
Post # 3
I think it depends.
I actually asked my sister when I received our first gift – she told me to write the thank you and send it out after the wedding (just put it aside until that point). I ended up mailing it out right away, as I did some reading and a lot of people recommend doing it right away.
Post # 4
I was wondering if she was waiting till after the wedding, which I can understand. It just felt strange that she didn’t at least acknowledge she received it via something as casual as email. We’ve written long emails back and forth and nothing. We used to be really close but are not nearly as close mostly b/c of our busy schedules as we’ve gotten older, so our emails tend to be a bit of catch up on what’s going on in our lives or quick one-liners regarding plans. Just thought she would have mentioned the gift within the last month since she’s received it.
Post # 5
A lot of people wait until after the wedding to open their gifts and send thank yous. Also, if it has only been like 4 weeks, she may still be in the process of writing thank yous on top of all the other crazy wedding planning stuff. I’d cut her some slack. You could always ask her directly if she got it instead of covertly going behind her back to find out. Communication usually makes things better…
Post # 6
I could do that, yes, and I know communication is better but she’s been weird in the past about other things. Too much to go into here and I know that doesn’t make sense but I just didn’t feel comfortable and thought she might be annoyed if I asked her directly, as if I’m bugging her. I just wanted to know what the typical etiquette was since I’ve been married almost 10 years and things could have changed in a decade.
Post # 7
I think that’s kind of rude, IMHO. I actually just looked it up and found this:
It says gifts should be sent within two weeks of receiving one even if it’s before the wedding. As a friend, I would have at least called or emailed my friend to say thank you, even if I didn’t have time to write a formal thank you yet.
Post # 8
We sent out thank you notes for the gifts that we got REALLY early soon after. But for those within about a 1 month of the wedding, we waited until after the wedding to send out the thank you cards (we were very busy!). Many people plan to buy their thank you cards after the wedding, especially if they are going to have them made with their picture or want to include a picture in the card.
I’m sure your friend will send you a note after the wedding. I would let this go. I’m sure she appreciates your gift.
Post # 9
Not tryign to threadjack, but if you get checks before the wedding are you supposed to cash them?
Post # 10
You should always acknowledge a gift within a few weeks. Even if you folllow it later with the written thanks (though that should be quite prompt as well).
I don’t understand the wait until after the wedding logic. Afterwards you are going to have so many notes to write its better to get them over before hand, save you one later.
You should also cash all cheques promptly (within a week of receipt IMO), so people can easily manage their banking.
Post # 11
That’s how I feel b/c I think it’s nice that people are getting you gifts and by not even acknowledging it, it makes you wonder if they even received it. I know another poster said I was being sneaky by asking the roommate but I felt awkward asking my friend after 2 weeks passed and it was delivered and hadn’t heard a thing (it’s actually been about 6 weeks now that I think about it and my friend said she’s pretty much done with all the planning). I just felt as if I was bothering her and making her feel pressured to send a thank you. When I received gifts when I was married, before the wedding, I always acknowledged it right away with a written thank you, even if it was to my best friend.
Post # 12
I did since I felt it was rude to hold a check for a long time. I know with my bank account, I balance it constantly and can’t stand when checks are not cashed for months.
Post # 13
I think she really should acknowledge it as soon as she got the gift. At least mention it to you.
I was wondering if people even send out thank you cards anymore. I was MOH in a wedding last summer and threw a bridal shower, bachelorette party and gave gifts at both parties and never received a thank you card for anything. It really bothered me.
Post # 14
I agree with that! As much as I detest my MIL, she did instill the etiquette of writing thank you notes, something I never really did growing up, but now I do, within a week at the most. Now, I make my son (who is 6) write thank you notes for every single gift he gets for bdays and holidays. I still have friends who have kids who have never once sent us a thank you for anything. I don’t get it. Oh well…
Post # 15
Maybe she thought it was a shower gift and was waiting until after the shower to send you a thank-you? I know I struggled with this because people started sending us shower gifts 2-3 weeks before the actual shower, and I wondered if it would be rude to thank someone for a shower gift prior to the shower itself…
I agree with others though, that it’s always a good idea with wedding gifts to write thank-you notes as you receive gifts! Sorry she hasn’t acknowledged your present. 🙁
Post # 16
I’ve sent gifts for two weddings in the past few years that I never received a verbal or written thank you for. I wondered for a while too, if it’s just becoming the norm where people don’t feel as bothered to say thanks anymore.
Both were pretty good friends I’ve known for years. One had an intimate wedding, but didn’t invite me due to budget, and I decided to send them a gift anyway, because I care about the couple. Never received one mention at all about the gift. The other I actually went to the wedding, then have been to a few get-togethers at their house where they’ve used the serving trays I bought. I even went so far once as to say “Hey I love that you’re using the gifts I bought you! They look so nice I might have to buy some for myself” and they were just like “Yeah we like them…”. Really? Maybe a quick thank you might be nice then…
Anyway, there is no really tactful way to say “I think you should thank me for being a good friend and buying you a nice gift”. I know for me, it does kind of change how you think/feel about that person though afterward…