(Closed) Sent a Save the Date…and changed our mind about inviting him…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

you know…i sent a SAVE THE DATE to one of my uncles – who my mom (it’s her brother) sorta made me send one to…we knew he couldn’t / wouldn’t come out to the wedding anyways + there’s bad blood between him and his son (who is invited and has rsvp’d as coming)…so honestly when I sent out invites I conveniently “forgot” to send my uncle the invite even though I sent the STD…

so yeah – I sent an STD but no invite…course every situation is different.

if you really feel like you don’t want to or shouldn’t invite him then don’t.

Post # 4
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

you know…i sent a SAVE THE DATE to one of my uncles – who my mom (it’s her brother) sorta made me send one to…we knew he couldn’t / wouldn’t come out to the wedding anyways + there’s bad blood between him and his son (who is invited and has rsvp’d as coming)…so honestly when I sent out invites I conveniently “forgot” to send my uncle the invite even though I sent the STD…

so yeah – I sent an STD but no invite…course every situation is different.

if you really feel like you don’t want to or shouldn’t invite him then don’t.

Post # 5
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m glad you posted this! I am in the same situation!!!

Post # 6
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I think you should send the invitation. Chances are if he’s been ignoring your emails and you aren’t really friends anymore, he will decline. But I still think you should send the invitation if you sent an STD, regardless of how good your reasons may seem for not sending the invitation.

Post # 7
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Normally you are required to send an invite once you have sent a save the date.  But I think in this instance you are OK to remove him from the guest list.  You have tried to reach out to him (not only regarding the wedding but also as a friend) but he has refused to respond and essentially has cut you out of his life.  It seems as though there won’t be a relationship going forward anway so not sending an invite isn’t going to make things worse.  I would maybe just double check with mutual friends if there is anything going on in his life that could explain the lack of communication (a job loss, a death in the family, etc).  If not, give him the axe.

Post # 8
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

IF you were considering going with him on the invitation design, why didn’t you ever call him to follow up?  I mean e-mails are fine, but when ppl don’t e-mail me back, I usually try the phone.  There have been times when I’ve e-mailed ppl who’ve never gotten by message.  (Like it went to their junk mail.)

If it was truly that he’s been ignoring you, I’d say yeah you can skip him (even though I usually stick by sending an invite to STD ppl.)  But I’m not sure that’s what’s been going on.  Maybe he’s thinking you’ve been ignoring him.  So I say you should send an invitation.  As Jacqi said, if he’s been avoiding you, he’ll probably decline anyway.

Post # 9
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have this same problem- I feel like I “have to” send an invite, but I really don’t want to!

Post # 10
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

As far as ettiquette is concerned, you need to send him an invitation anyway. That being said, if you want to go against ettiquette since this person has been MIA, you could just not invite him. It sounds like he wouldn’t come anyway, but why risk having someone there that you don’t want to see (I’m assuming you wouldn’t want to see someone who has been rude by ignoring you).

Do the other people you invited have contact with him? You might see what they know about the situation. He may have something going on in his life that excuses the behavior (sick parent, brother fighting cancer, house in foreclosure).

Post # 11
Member
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I would just send an invitation anyways…chances are if he is ignoring you…he wont come to the weddding.

Post # 12
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you ought to send the invite, for etiquette’s sake.  Like most people have said, he’s likely not to come, anyway.  Maybe make it less “inviting” by not allowing a +1?

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