- 9 years ago
- Wedding: September 2009
I must say that when I mess something up, at least I do it well
To make a really, really long story short my fiancé and I were stressing about the wedding financially. We looked at all our options and we recently decided to elope in Las Vegas this September with a few close friends and family and then have a big reception for everyone here back home the following week
We invited our closest friend couple and a third person who introduced me and my fiancé to each other—which seemed entirely appropriate seeing that we’re getting married now :). Just three friends and our parents and siblings.
I am really excited about our ceremony, of course! I posted a countdown counter for it on my blog and absentmindedly babbled about it in front of some friends (including ones we not invite).
And then it all exploded. Some friends felt like I was completely rude for talking about it in front of them and demanded to know why they weren’t invited. I tried to explain the circumstances as best as I could, apologized, and even told them we were still in the works of planning it/inviting people but it didn’t help at all. Their anger just kept building up even the couple we DID invite accused us of putting them in the middle of everything and forcing them to choose sides. Now all sides (those invited and those that aren’t) are furious with us and aren’t speaking to us. I’ve apologized twice but they just won’t let up.
I can see how it might make others feel to talk about it front of them, I get that, and I should have been more considerate. But if I hadn’t mentioned it at all, then that would be rude if they found out after we were married and I know they would be furious with me for not saying anything, not inviting them, etc. So I am not quite sure how to have balanced between those and not come off as rude or inconsiderate and still let them know our plans–too late now I guess. I really am just in the beginning stages of planning this all. I haven’t even started on my invitations yet. We just bought our plane tickets a week ago and I was just talking to my fiancé the other day about inviting more people to the ceremony portion of it, so I feel blind-sided by all of this. Half of me feels guilty and that I handled it all wrong and the other half feels like it’s my wedding day and I should invite whoever I want. One of the people who are upset with me completely forgot my birthday a couple weeks ago and they have the audacity to wonder why I haven’t invited them to our private intimate ceremony in Vegas?! I mean, it makes sense to me.
I’m not sure where to go from this point. Everyone has a different view on it. One person told me that if I invite one friend, I should invite them all. Another one said that it’s my wedding and it sounds like my “friends” are more interested in going to Vegas, rather than going to my wedding (which happens to be in Vegas). I really feel like if I told them we’re getting married at the local courthouse next week in a little private ceremony and then we’ll have a big party later that they all wouldn’t be making such a huge deal about who gets to go to watch that and who doesn’t!
I don’t know how to fix this. I can see both sides of this but either way, I feel like they took it too far. I’ve apologized twice—it just seems so extreme for all of them to just not speak to me altogether. I don’t think I did something unforgiveable here! I just wanted to get married and keep costs down and invite a few that are the closest to me to share that with me and then celebrate with everyone later on.
I just don’t know how things got so incredibly messed up. Do you think my friends have a right to be furious with me or do you think this is more about a trip to Vegas than a wedding ceremony?