(Closed) Separate Holidays?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Does he mean after the wedding? I could see if he was thinking until the wedding be apart for a holiday, but I would definitely expect alternating (or do say, my family this Thanksgiving, his for Christmas) and alternate that. I don’t know if kids are in your future, but that would be good to ask. Does he see holidays together as a family after kids? Or do you take one kid to YOUR family and he takes one to HIS family (ridiculous!). I definitely think an honest conversation is in order!

Post # 4
11395 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@reebee711: That wouldn’t work for me. Esp. if you two decide to have kids! 

My husband & I have celebrated every Thanksgiving & Christmas together since we started dating in our teens. I know not everyone does this at all until they are married. So for us we just already knew. However if we didn’t do it before hand we would most certainly be changing it up once we got married.

Talk it out, but do it calmly! These are the types of things I think people SHOULD talk about before marriage, IMO. Good luck dear! 

Post # 6
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Hmmm. I vote definitely talk about it sometime when it’s not an “issue.” Or maybe suggest, going to his family for your first married Christmas, then discussing, do we go to your family or start our own holiday traditions at home. I think it’s really interesting, too, because I talked about this with my SO (I’m a waiting bee) about alternating holidays (or at least always doing Thanksgiving with mine and Christmas with his) and he looked so sad and was like, “Can’t we have our own traditions!?” I didn’t even think that was something he was so excited about, he’s still like a little kid sometimes (omg, aren’t they are?!?!) so I didn’t want to feel like I was yanking him into couplehood times a million. So you never know what you might discover about your Fiance when you talk honestly!

Post # 8
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I couldnt imagine that.  Once Fiance and I are married and living together, we will be 3,000 miles from both of our families. 

We will be celebrating our holidays together, at our home.  Although, neither of our families would care if we werent with them for a holiday.

I am sure once you mention you could create new traditions as a family, he might come around.

I definitely suggest a casual talk about it ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I had this issue come up this year. My Fiance was all butt hurt that we couldn’t afford to fly out to be with his family on Christmas. His mom cried when she called  x-mas morning ๐Ÿ™ I felt bad but was kinda like, we are adults…let’s start OUR life together. My family is across the U.S. so I never see them on holidays, I don’t mind at all seeing his parents every holiday though.


Post # 10
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Oh, and when I said calmly… I pretty much start crying when “future talk” begins, so I meant, calmy more like… not during a tense moment or when the issue comes up, but maybe like, after dinner sometime when it’s been a good day and both are in good spirits. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 11
4804 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think that would be very difficult to continue after you’re married.  Especially if you have kids, you will want to be together.  It will be a hard adjustment for your families, but it can definitely be done!

Post # 12
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

What about when you have kids? Eventually you will have to spend holidays together. I agree, a husband and wife should really be together on holidays. 

Post # 13
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

That wouldn’t fly with me, either.

This year is the first year we’ve lived together and we did a semi-split up for Christmas day.  We had our morning together, then he spent a couple hours with me at my parents, then when he left I stayed with them for the day and for dinner (and he went to his parent’s house).  I later joined him at his parent’s house for an hour or so before we headed home.  It was busy and tiring, but it worked out pretty well.  Of course, we’re lucky enough that our families do not live that far from each other.  We’ve discussed that we will re-evaluate the Christmas plan after we have kids, though.

Maybe, instead of alternating, you could do Christmas with one set of parents and Boxing Day with another?  Or have an early Christmas with one set of parents and a later one with the other set?  Good luck with your talk!

Post # 15
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I second what @Mrs.Estep said: “My husband & I have celebrated every Thanksgiving & Christmas together since we started dating in our teens. I know not everyone does this at all until they are married”

He’s still just my Fiance right now, but we’ve been doing holidays with both families since we started dating. Thanksgiving we spend the full day in our hometown, half with each family. Christmas Eve with my family, Christmas Day with his. 

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