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I've never seen it done any differently. All the weddings I've ever been to have had a small ceremony and afternoon reception (the one with a sit down meal) and an bigger, or even open, evening reception (the part with dancing and a buffet) where more guests are invited - Evening only invites are fairly common around here.
(ETA - apparently, it's a no-no to include info on the invites about the parts of your wedding guests are not invited to - so if they're not invited to the ceremony, there's no need to mention it.)
The other way round would be offensive.
It's not rude at all! It's your wedding, do what makes you comfortable...This is not an uncommon practice, a bunch of my friends just went to a wedding reception where they weren't invited to the ceremony...Don't stress it!
The way you're doing it is the polite way. Conventional etiquette says you never invite someone to the ceremony and not to the reception. It's perfectly fine to celebrate with as many people as you want and not necessarily invite them to the ceremony. I wouldn't be offended. Moreover, you've got a handy dandy excuse: the chapel only fits 30. Sorry. :-)
Honestly; I've never seen this done before. I think it could be done but you'd have to be really tactful about it. I think it depends on the type of reception your having. If your having the traditional reception (around here anyway) where the bridal party and bride & groom are announced as they walk into the reception like a big celebration; those people who weren't invited to the ceremony may feel a little left out. I just picture myself as one of those other people who weren't invited to the ceremony; I think I would feel awkward knowing 30 other people were invited to watch you tie the knot & I was not. Small and intimate to me is immediate family (10-15 people). If I decided to do somehting like this I would have the ceremony one day and the reception the next day so I wasn't wearing my wedding gown in front of all the guests who weren't invited to the ceremony. I think it would seem more appropriate that way. People that we are inviting would probably feel weird if they were only invited to the reception if they were on the same day. JMO. I guess it also depends on the crowd. You know them better than anyone; so you may know if they would be offended or not. It's good that your at least thinking about how people may feel. That way you can at least be cautious and prepared with the way they may or may not react. You may find that they are fine with it. Who knows!
I'd lean on the "the chapel only fits X amount of people, so we've regretfuly decided to keep the ceremony intimate. However we'd love for you to come celebrate at the reception....blah blah blah". People will be understanding. Otherwise you'll get "but i'm family! but I love her!" etc people. I'd never even heard of this "separate ceremony/reception" thing until recently. I understand it has a place and time, but it's just unheard of around here. Not sure how it is in Australia, though. In the midwest this wouldn't fly very well though. I've had friends who wanted intimate ceremonies and had issues with public speaking, so they turned the microphones off for their vows. Not gonna lie, having that microphone in my face made me have trouble getting my vows out too
It is not proper etiquette, but is it the norm in your region? There are regional etiquette's that can be followed that don't necessarily follow the etiquette that those of us on the board have experienced. For example your guests may think that's normal and love not having to sit through the ceremony. Honestly, my mother did it the same way you are and was remarried at a tiny chapel and had a huge reception afterwards at their house because it was so expensive to find a place to hold everyone (ginormous family) and no one thought it rude.
What's normal in your area? There are all sorts of wedding traditions that are conventional in one place and not in another (cash vs. open bars, dollar dance, etc.).
That said, in my area (Eastern Canada) I've only been to one wedding where everyone was invited to the ceremony, but only some people were invited to the reception. We were invited to the reception, but it felt awkward because the wedding and reception were held in adjoining rooms - so some people were walking in one door to a nicely decorated hall and others were leaving through the exit doors into the chilly winter wind. People in the family are still talking about that one, and kid us about being two of the lucky "chosen ones" who got a reception invite.
I think it would have gone over better if everyone had been invited to the reception, but a smaller group of people were invited to the ceremony.
I have been to several weddings that way and have never seen a problem with it. Sounds like you have things worded correctly.
Just make sure you send out the right invites to the right people. I was in a wedding that had the ceremony in the Wi state capitol rotunda that could only seat X number. The printer messed up the invites and the bride didn't notice till after they were sent so the ushers had to have a list of who was allowed to sit and who had to be told to stand on a upper level balconey.
I had a really close friend (who is actually one of my BMs) do this in July. It was the first time anyone I know had done it. While I know the reason she did it is because she doesn't like to be the center of attention, they still ended up having like 100 people at the wedding! It was "just family", but with that many people doesn't seem like 50 more people (friends) would make much of a difference LOL. I honestly just felt a disconnect at the reception since I didn't see them get married. Even though she was in a white dress and they cut a cake, it just seemed more like an everyday party to those of us who didn't get to see them exchange vows. I know a couple of us felt this way, but we would never say anything to her about it - it's her day and totally up to her to do what she wanted. I'm sure there were also plenty of people that didn't mind at all though! I'm not considering doing this (even though I hate being the center of attention as much as she does! haha) but I will say, that if I HAD been considering doing it that way, after I went to hers it probably would have changed my mind.
of COURSE this is TOTALLY within the boundaries of "proper etiquette" and plain old-fashioned good manners.
I've ABSOLUTELY seen this done before.
it's completely and totally fine to have a small family ceremony, and then invite people to a big party to celebrate.
(as mentioned above, in some places, this is the norm..... but putting that totally aside, go ahead and look up Miss Manners. She would tell you that there is zero wrong with this. it's even quite a nice, traditional, old-fashioned way to go about it: to have your vows in private. some people even hold their party a different week, a different month, a different city. etc. the other way around would be strange; but there is absolutely no rule -- whether of so-called "etiquette" or of simple good manners and common sense -- demanding your wedding vows be witnessed by a huge crowd. good manners only means thoughtfulness and consideration, and you have by no means not been thoughful or considerate.)
please don't worry about it!
I don't think it's rude at all! If I were you, I wouldn't mention it on the Invites, but call guests individually who RSVP yes and explain the situation about how it's going to be an intimate family-only ceremony since you have limited space and are shy, but you are so happy they can make it to the reception.
I don't see this as a huge problem. It's not the norm where I'm from. But I don't see that as really stepping on toes. However, is there a way to spread the word that this is about seating capacity? I don't think it would be bad to let people know that you're pretty fearful of being in front of a big crowd, either. (This is one of the biggest moments of your life. You dont need to have a panic attack. ) But this way people won't take it personally.
I don't think its a problem you were very considerate in your wording. I've heard of that before. Also, some people skip the ceremony, so I don't see a problem with not inviting them to it in the first place.
This is from the viewpoint of someone who did this:
Yes, this is perfectly acceptable. You should be able to exchanage your vows the way that you want to. That said, you're going to hurt some feelings and possibly get a couple of comments. People by nature don't like to feel excluded from anything. My personal response to this is, if the people around you really care about you then they will support your decision and be there in whatever capacity they can be. The only people we really got any "flack" from were those who weren't that close to us in the first place. Everyone else just wanted us to be happy.
I've never heard of this or seen it. Honestly, yes, I'd be a little offended if I wasn't invited to the wedding, but I was invited to the reception.
That being said, I think you need to be very careful with your wording and you need to be extra welcoming to the people who were excluded from your ceremony.
If this is common where you live, it might not be such a big deal.
just got an invite today for ceremony only and its totally cool! the bride-to-be is my coworker and from the start, she's said that the dinner reception will be for family only as the venue is quite small(they are also on a tight budget). i totally get it and am excited to be there for the ceremony!
thankyou all for your advice, it seems to be a pretty fair split on wether its right or wrong, but it is good seeing it from different point of views. Australian culture is INCREDIBLY relaxed and far from formal, i dont know wether that comes into it as i havent been to that many weddings.
The people who are invited to the ceremony are my parents, Fi parents, both our grandparents, FI siblings, his aunties and uncles, some of mine (we dont have a close family) my best mate and her husband from uni who are travelling from top end of aust), my flower girls mum (my other best mate) that is about it.
The poople invited to the reception are the rest of our friends, FI footy and cricket (sport) friends, people from our local community(we live in small town) and my work collegues.
I have 4-5 really close mates and my family isnt close. My dad isnt even coming as he doesnt get along with my mum. so they whole thing is pretty confusing at the minute! lol
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i've been reading a few posts on here and am concerned that how i have planned our wedding may in fact offend people. We are having a small family ceremony as i am a bit shy and have trouble with public speaking and then having a bigger reception where we are inviting 80 or so people. (there will be 30 at the ceremony)
i have seperate invites done, the one for the people who are invited to the reception basically says you are invited to help celebrate the marriage of *** and *** following there intimate marriage ceremony.... theres more to it but that is the jist.
would anyone be offended by this? be more than honest and dontbe afraid to offend, critisism is more than welcome
(the chapel where we are getting married is also a small country chapel and is tiny would only fit 30 or so people also)