(Closed) seperate reception invites?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Its rude to invite people to only part of your wedding. Its even ruder to not give those people an actual invitation. If they aren’t good enough to come to the whole thing or good enough to spend time making an invite for why bother inviting them at all?

Post # 5
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

I  agree with what the PP said. But if you’re adamant about only inviting them to the reception, you absolutely have to give them a formal invitation. Word of mouth isn’t acceptable, and really rude.

Post # 7
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@RockStar33:  We’re doing this – separete ceremony and reception.  But in our cultures, it’s acceptable to not invite everyone in all the wedding events.  We’re going to send out formal invitations but definitely not word of mouth.

In your case, if it’s only 20 people more, I would just invite them to the ceremony.

Post # 8
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I disagree with the prior posters.  I did this for my wedding because we wanted a family (and a few very very very close family friends) only wedding ceremony, but then we wanted to party with all of our friends for the reception.  We had them on different days as well.  What we did was send out seperate reception only invitations to the people that were only invited to the reception.

We didn’t care about gifts, weren’t registered anywhere anyway, we just really wanted a very intimate ceremony and then a big party to celebrate.  

I do think both groups of people should get the same level of invitation though.  If you are sending out formal invitations to one, then be sure to send it out to the others as well.  Otherwise I know if I found out that Suzy got a formal invite, but I only got a word of mouth one, I would feel like I was a last minute thought and maybe think it was a gift grab.

FYI, the *rude* part comes from inviting people to the ceremony and not the reception.  The reception is the bride and groom’s thank you ‘gift’ to friends and family for coming and helping them celebrate.

Post # 9
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@RockStar33:    Ok you lost me there.  So you don’t want them at the ceremony because you are having a sit down dinner immediately following that they won’t be invited to as well and they will only be invited for basically an after party?  Or did I read your last reply wrong?

Post # 12
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yeah but dinner is part of the reception and that’s where you are losing me.  If you are feeding some guests and not others, well that wouldn’t sit right to me…  Maybe that’s a culture difference – I don’t know.

We only got one gift at the ceremony and that was from a couple that couldn’t be at the reception.  The rest of the people brought what gifts/cards that they did to the reception.

Post # 15
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@RockStar33:  That sounds to me like a cultural difference then.  If it happens often where you are then it is probably accepted practice there.  It’s not where I am, so that’s where the difference comes in.  

And you’re right that it should be understood, but honestly I can point out probably 100’s of threads on just this forum where brides or one set of parents or another or both or the groom feels the need to invite everyone they have ever known or had contact with because of status reasons, the need to get their kids (or themselves) more gifts, or probably many other reasons that have nothing to do with them actually liking some or many of those guests.  So because of that trend, I think that’s why the question even comes up and why ‘gift grab’ gets bandied about so often.  

In my area, with the traditions that I’ve grown up with, if I was invited to a wedding, but only to the dancing/snacks after the dinner/ceremony, I’d personally feel like I was 2nd best.  BUT, like I said, if it’s socially accepted to do that there, then that’s completely different for you.  

Post # 16
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@RockStar33:  so you came to the etiquette board to find out the proper way to do something against etiquette? The answer is- you don’t! You are having a tiered reception, this is very rude. You should invite everyone you can afford to all parts of your wedding. If you want a private “family only” ceremony then have a private “family only” reception. You are telling people “hey you are good enough to come party with me and bring me a gift but I’m not feeding you and you can’t watch me get married.”

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