Post # 1
I am having awfulllllll anxiety leading up to the big day! Just short of three months and when I stop to really think about it I am TERRIFIED!! It’s not marrying him that is making me so anxious, its the actual wedding [we’ve been together 10 years…]
So I think its:
being in front of so many people- all staring at ME. I hate this…however we did scale back the guest list by half.
the thought that something might not go as planned
worrying about our guests, especially oot, being un-impressed
I just got done reading the timeline blog and my heart was racing thinking about everything that goes on!
Going to the Dr. is just about out of the question, counseling hasn’t helped [ also no insurance 🙁 ] The best thing I can think of at this point is to "borrow" a valium or some kind of anxiety pill from friend/family.
Sighhhh…. what did I get my self into. Any one else struggling with REAL anxiety? Anything that helped?
Post # 3
I have a history of panic attacks and bad anxiety – one non-medicinal thing that helps me out A LOT is numbing myself to my fears. For example, I am prone to hypochondria, so my therapist had me repeat "it’s always possible that I have cancer" or whatever like 20 times a day until I am sick of it and it doesn’t bother me anymore. It’s hard and scary at first but it totally works! Maybe you could try repeating some of your fears everyday, like "it is possible that my wedding will not be perfect" so that you aren’t so freaked out by it anymore. Also, two books that really helped me out were "mind over mood" and "the worry cure" – check em out. You’ll be okay, trust me!
Post # 4
I have some pretty bad anxiety about wedding day… mostly about pulling off the great party, remembering everyone’s names, making sure people get along, and having lots of eyes on us on an emotional day. Every time I even think about wedding day my heart starts racing and I get shaky.
I’m planning on doing a short yoga class on wedding morning. I’m thinking about a beta blocker for the ceremony. Otherwise, I’m working on mindful acceptance of the feelings I experience on that day.
In the end, we’re getting married!
Post # 5
Some mindfulness training has helped me. It basically means to talk to yourself about your anxiety in a way that ultimately will calm you down. The idea is to acknowledge the anxiety, which will give you power over it.
- Say, "I am feeling anxious."
- Rate how anxious you’re feeling on a scale from 1-10. Say that out loud too ("I am feeling about a 9 on the anxiety scale").
- Say, "It is okay that I am feeling this anxious."
- Your anxiety may increase, stay the same, or decrease. Monitor the change. All changes are acceptable (though oftentimes your anxiety will decrease).
- Evaluate the new anxiety level and repeat the process.
What this does is show yourself that although you’re anxious, you’re still okay too. The anxiety isn’t actually killing you. The anxiety itself is nothing to be anxious about. Often I get stuck in this "feedback loop" of anxiety and it just makes the problem worse. Mindfulness helps break the cycle. Good luck!
Post # 6
My husband and I both have really serious anxiety. One of his counselors gave him a trick that he passed on to me, and I find it really helps calm me down in the anxious moments, especially when it’s night time and I’m awake worrying.
Basically, what you do is open your eyes and look at things around the room and each thing you see you name without passing judgement. So if I was looking around my living room where I am right now, I might say, "This is my living room. This is my couch. This is my laptop. That is the coffee table. That is my alyssum plant. That is my Dali lithograph. That is a giant ball of cat fur. That is a scented candle. That is a scratching post. That is the arm of the chair the cats use as a scratching post." Doing this without saying anything is good or bad can really help calm me down when I’m having a full on panic attack because it just sort of brings you out of the panic mode and back into the real world.
Post # 7
Funny that all of us are using Mindfulness Acceptance Therapy techniques. You might want to google it to get more information. I bought one of the books that has helped me a lot… when I actually work through the exercises. It might be worth it to check it out!
Here’s the link:
Post # 8
A friend of mine got married a few months before me and she gave me some good advice. She told me that she worked really hard to impress her guests, and that in the end it seemed like everyone was pretty unimpressed. It was really hard for her to deal with. She advised me not to expect people to be impressed. After all, they are there to love you, not to see a spectacle. Only a very few people who know how hard you worked will notice, and even they might not say anything. If you let go of that expectation it will take a lot of the pressure off you now and save you heartbreak afterward.
Post # 9
A little pep talk, try to get around someone that lifts your spirits, this is supposed to be an awesome time in your life, focus on your love for your future Mr., breath deep and try to just let the details go for a little, I know it’s hard we all get anxiety attacks at certain points. Just remember, this day is about you and your man just let everyone else fade into the background. Try to put yourself around people who can remind you of that as much as you need!, you can do it, let us know how you feel in a little while!
Post # 10
Thank you all! I did an internship at a agency ran by a mindfulness instructor. I think I might pull all that info back out and really spend the next two months trying to get a grip!! Glad to hear I’m not alone!
Post # 11
I have always been an anixous person but it wasn’t until my engagement that it flared up, bad!
I had posted a cold-feet posting and I see a lot of those great advice-givers on this post; Listen to them!
I went and spoke with someone too. I found a free counselor through a Planned Partenhood (they suggested a free clinic) and I talked with my FI. He makes everything better and, like always, he made it better again.
I am totally going to look into Mindfulness Acceptance Therapy!
Everything is going to be okay! Just breathe!
Post # 12
The ladies above gave some great advice!
I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and the techniques above are very helpful. I just wanted to add my two cents and caution you against borrowing medication from a friend. First of all, it can be very dangerous to take medication that has not been prescribed to you. Second, I have a low dose of Xanax that I take when I’m having a panic attack and it makes me feel drowsy and like a zombie; you wouldn’t want to be feeling like that on your wedding day!