(Closed) Serious bridesmaid issue…help please.

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Are you sure you want to have K in the wedding still? Can you just have D’s wife instead? If you did this, obviously you’d need to call K so she’s not expecting something that’s not going to happen…

Or if you did have both, maybe D/wife (if they can come back to town for a weekend), K/FI and you and your Fiance do dinner and clear the air…if not, maybe a wine/skype date for all parties…if you have both in the wedding, they have to have a chance to get to know each other before it becomes official that they’re all in the party.

Also regardless of what you choose to do, you should definitely have a side convo with K to tell her to chill on dragging D through the mud as he’s in the party regardless and if your FI’s close friend.

Post # 4
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I definately think you just need to sit her down and tell her everything you wrote here. Tell her you want to include them both, if she is uncomfortable with your choice then she can attend as a guest. I don’t think there is much you can do besides tell her how you feel, how she responds is completely up to her.

Post # 5
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you want her in the wedding, minimize the appearance that you’re trying to create drama. For example, asking her to be in the wedding but saying oh D’s wife is going tpo be in it too so I understand if you don’t want to = appearing to create drama where drama is not even necessary.

I think you should ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man FIRST before any of the other girls.   If she says yes, great. If she asks who else you are going to ask, be upfront and tell her.  You DO NOT have to justify any of your choices to her.  Whatever you do, I wouldn’t say D’s wife is a placeholder – you don’t need to lie to appease her, and if you do she really isn’t a very good friend and the relationship should probably be reevaluated anyways.

She’s engaged not sure why she’s not over this guy already and why any of this is an issue, but I guess that is besides the point. 

Post # 6
9552 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would sit down and talk with her. Tell her that you would like her to be in the wedding but that you don’t want to force her into anything that would make her uncomfortable. Explain that you are close with D’s wife and she is going to be in the wedding and that your friend should take that into account before she tells you yes/no. You are likely to get some negative responces from her no matter how well you do this so just be prepared. And this way it’s up to her. And don’t let her bully you into dropping D’s wife from the wedding. And another thought, how is D’s wife going to react to all this?

Post # 8
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would sit down with her, she sounds overly dramatic. Seriously after two years and both couples in seroius relationships she needs to let it go. Just tell her who you are having in the wedding and let her know you understand if she wants to back out.

Post # 9
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I don’t think you can have both K and D’s wife in the wedding party (even though I get you want to!).  That seems like a ball full of unnecessary drama!

Would you consider having K in stead of D’s wife?  Or is that not an option for you?

Post # 10
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If she is really a friend she will suck it up and get over herself for YOUR day. This is about you & your Fiance. Not her and her poor attitude against other members of the wedding party! Just my 2 cents. Have them all in the wedding party and if she is going to be immature than she can kindly excuse herself from the wedding party. That is all 🙂


Post # 11
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@JenGirl:  I also agree with JenGirl, especially the bit about D’s wife. Will she care if K is included? Will it make her feel uncomfortable?

Post # 12
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Yikes, thats put you between a rock and a hard place.  The day should be about YOU. First you need to figure out who is more important to have in your bridal party.  Then talk to that person first to make sure it is ok to have the other also.  Then talk to the remaining person.  If that is K, you need to make sure that she knows D’s wife WILL be a bridesmaid, and if she wants to start drama about it, then she can not be included. Like some other posters said, if she is a TRUE friend, she’ll suck it up.  If not… sianara babe!

Post # 14
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Give her the option to be in your wedding but only with good behavior.  That way if she thinks it is going to be too much for her she can opt out.

Post # 15
36 posts
  • Wedding: May 2013

How does D’s wife feel about k?  Before you even talk to K, as it sounds like D’s wife is closer to you right now, give D’s wife the heads up.  Tell her that you want her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man and that you also plan on asking K.  K may or may not accept but you want to check with her on her thoughts.  She might tpdecline at this point herself or tell you to do what you want.  Tell K that you asked D’s wife (if she accepts) and that you would love her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man but that you don’t want drama.  It is your wedding day and you have that right.  If she can’t guarantee you a drama free day then you understand her inability to accept.

Post # 16
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If K cannot just be happy for you and let you make your own decisions about your wedding and put her personal feelings about these people aside, then she isn’t a true friend and doesn’t deserve a place up there next to you.  Simple as that.

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