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serious FFIL vent

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
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    1.
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    Newbee
    noornoor       Chicago

    I am absolutely livid, so I just need to get this out:

    FFIL, I have no idea what happened between last weekend and now, but apparently you are comfortable enough with me to express your cultural ideals about women.

    I am NOT going to cook you dinner or come running when you pout about how 'helpless' you are in the kitchen. I understand you cook for us, but the little comments about my supposed duty piss me off.

    If I do something that offends you, TELL ME! How am I supposed to know your son can lay on the loveseat but you expect me to sit up? You have been in this country for 50 years. I am not going to play guessing games in how to make you happy!

    Stop alienating everyone from you, we had a good thing going and I don't understand how that changed with no interaction. You have successfully made me feel uncomfortable and I now "get" why the rest of the family gravitates towards your ex wife.

    Sorry everyone. Cultural issues mixed with male chauvanism.

     
    2.
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    Bee Keeper
    lilyfaith    June 23, 2012   Lakeview, Chicago

    Ugh, sorry to hear this. Is your FI at least on your side? Cooking is certainly not a woman's duty! 

     
    3.
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    noornoor       Chicago

    Yes, I am so taken aback by FFILs behavior this weekend though. He is like a different person. I never saw this side of him, but everyone days this is normal.

     
    4.
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    Bee Keeper
    lilyfaith    June 23, 2012   Lakeview, Chicago

    Maybe he was on his best behavior before? 

    I don't know, still sorry to hear about that! 

    Sometimes standing up to people like this is your best shot, FI's grandfather is often like that (his wife divorced him, too, imagine that...) and I often cook for him because he is now living at their house with one of the residents from their nursing home. He sometimes says rude things like "do we let the help eat with us?" if I go to sit down, etc. 

    At first I just took it, but now I tend to snap back. It helps that everyone else knows what he's like. Recently, he's actually been more considerate. A few weeks ago I went to take his plate for him and get his dessert, and he told me to finish my meal first. Sounds silly, but it's a big step for him!

     
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    Aimeegirl    up in the air... still!   Carmel, NY

    In a way I know a bit of how you feel. My mom is gay and her and her partner have been together (and living together) for approx 18yrs and when my cousin (also my MOH) was married 10yrs ago, my mother, my brother and I were invited, but not my moms partner. Now my moms family is italian, but my Uncle by marriage is literally off the boat, as is his family. Very old-school and pretty religious as well. They didnt believe in all this new-age sexual freedom or whatever he called it. It was very disheartening to us kids that we had to miss my cousins wedding because my mother and her partner decided if one of us wasnt invited then we werent going at ALL.  It's so sad on what people miss out on when they're culturally/sexually/religiously repressed!

    good luck sweetie.xoxo

     

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