Weddingbee boards

My parents were the same way and were definitely not okay with us living together before, but once we got engaged and set a date, we decided to do it anyway. At first they weren't happy about it, but if you give them time to warm up, they'll get over it.

I found that being up front and honest and explaining the reasons was all they really needed to hear. Be respectful, but demonstrate that you're an adult and you're not asking for permission—especially since you're paying for the wedding.

I actually found out later (and she would never admit this to my face) that my mom told my sister that she was proud of us and the way we were approaching everything, because by the time that I told my parents about the idea, we'd come up with all the reasons that it made sense and didn't seem like a haphazard idea.

You might be surprised.

I am speaking from my experience.  Heatherrobyn... I am not sure how old you are or what experiences you have had in the past but here is my experience.  I have lived with boyfriends in the past.  Needless to say those didn't work out.  Moving in with someone is a very traumatic experience even if you two do spend alot of time together.  I have absolutely no idea why it would make a difference but it does.  I suggest that a) You should never make these decisions on a financial level (been there done that) and b) you are a big girl and your parents should respect your decision no matter what.  I am liberal minded so "living in sin" was never an issue with me.  When you hear about the newlywed phase being over it is usually discussing all those little fights you have when learning how to live with someone else.  I suggest that if you two do decide to do this you a) (evidently I am in a listing mood) you make a pact with each other that rain or shine you will work through any issues that might develop in your relationship because of learning to live with each other.  You aren't married yet so please don't take any of these disagreements that you two aren't meant to be married because at times it might feel that way and b) if you begin to have trouble communicating or see problems creep up you work with someone to teach you guys how to work through them.  Just be proactive and make the commitment to work through it together as I would hate to see any of this put strain on your pending nuptuials.  There are problems that every couple faces and without legal ramifications at times it gives you more reason to doubt your relationship.  Has anyone else out there had similar experiences as me or am I the only one?

I agree with alphajuliet that there will be things to work through, but I think the transition is not always traumatic, at least it hasn't been for us. We both love it and enjoy coming home to each other and figuring out how to work as a team and although you should definitely not do it for the money... the $ you save each month does do wonders for stress reduction!

My parents are both pretty traditional, and when I was younger my dad made it a point to let us know that he would prefer that we get married before living together. My sister even told me that she overheard him talking to my mom that he was disappointed that I had been having, ehem, pre-marital relations with my ex (I didn’t tell him, obviously, but I think they found my birth control pills in my bathroom).

That said, when I introduced my FI to my family, they all loved him. So when he got laid off and we decided that he would move in with me, FI and I sat down with my parents to let them know. It wasn’t to ask permission but to be respectful of their feelings. I was surprised when they didn’t object… they were actually sympathetic because they’ve been through hard financial times too.  Several points: 1. They respected that both FI and sat down and talked to them, not just me, so that we acted as a unit and had a united front. It made us also seem more adult that we didn’t ask for permission, per se, but were still respectful of what they think.  2. Having FI there kept them from saying things that they might have said to me alone, rude-type comments that parents are so fond of telling their kids but not in front of everyone else! 3. It’s hard to argue with a logical financial decision. 4. They knew we were going to get married eventually. FI had not proposed yet at that point but he had more or less promised them that he would.

I guess what I’m saying is that unless you know for a fact that your parents are going to react very negatively about it, I would give them the benefit of the doubt. You might be surprised! But it’s important to remember that even if they don’t approve, that this should be your decision. Easier said than done, I know, but that’s how starting your own family happens.

BTW, that talk with your parents is going to be VERY nerve-wracking. I was a straight up MESS the week we decided to tell them, but it all worked out beautifully in the end. We’re actually house-sitting for my parents right now since they are abroad.