- 9 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
DISC+LAIMER: please excuse the language and typos.. i pasted this form my journal and am just too upset/over it to edit.
i’ve been meaning to write about this for a while, now.. but honestly, i didn’t want to think/write about it because i’m still really hurt. but i need to get it off my chest.
Ben and I have been talking about getting married since TWO months after we started dating. He proposed to me in November of 2007 on the couch in the library. That was when he gave me his grandmother’s wedding ring, kinda as a promise ring/space holder until he proposes with the "real" ring. But in our minds we were engaged and he even told his parents that we were getting married when I met them for the FIRST TIME during Christmas break of ’07. So we’ve pretty much been wedding planning for over a year, now. We "technically" got engaged on June 21st 2008 at his brother’s wedding and kinda announced the engagement then. ANYWAY fast foward to a year and some change later.. we are thrown in the middle of wedding planning and school and life and work and going to a new church and just a not of newness/firsts for both of us. My mom doesn’t like Ben (for really no reason- she thinks he smokes weed which he DOESN’T and drinks a lot, which he DOESN’T). She’s been trying to break us up, convince me that we’re going down different paths, that he’s not the one for me.. basically anything you could think of aside from completely sabatoging our relationship. But she’s come close. So already there’s tension because my mother hates my future husband who I will be spending the rest of my life with, who will become my new family, the man who is my best friend and the love of my life. It SUCKS because its either my mother or my husband. And I love both of them but.. how can you chose? Anywayyyy she is extremely disinterested in wedding planning. I came home for Christmas break intent on getting a lot of wedding planning done since i had 4 weeks with nothing else to do. While I was home I would try to show her wedding gowns I liked and she wouldn’t even take her eyes off the television screen while saying "that’s nice, yeah." I would try to talk to her about the venue, flowers, centerpieces, anything and she just didn’t care. One time I actually got her to come wedding dress shopping with me to show her the dress that I was IN LOVE with (last Feb.) and she told me how much she disliked and I cried. Every idea that I did had was either stupid or not good enough. I wanted to have a small wedding with around 45 people and she said I "had" to invite my aunts and uncles.. I protested with her about how I only wanted people who I really loved and knew supported me there and was told "I would take your friends off the list before I didn’t invite your aunts and uncles." WHAT THE FUCK? THEY ARE MY FRIENDS WHO HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ME FOR 5+ YEARS AND WHO LOVE ME AND ARE ACTUALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS WEDDING AND YOU’RE GOING TO TELL ME NOT TO INVITE THEM TO <font size=”3″>MY</font> WEDDING??!?!? I eventually said what-the-fuck-ever and invited Ben and my aunts and uncles, which added about 8 people to the guest list (of about 75 because she HAD to invite SIXTEEN of her friends). THEN it was invite your cousins (who are not good people and do not like us/only talk bad about us) i said no no no no no and she pulled the money card, "well i’m paying for it and i only want cousin so-and-so there and your cousins from Florida probably won’t come anyway. so i said, well yeah i like cousin so-and-so and yeah they probably won’t come all the way from FL. well her plan BACKFIRED and now the guest list is up to 90. okay.. whatevererrrr. i said fuck it it means more gifts for us and we get to party with more people.. as long as all of my friends can come I can suck it up. I’m not even gonig to get into ALL of it because there was so much more shit that she pulled and made me feel like an idiot/bad/stupid for.
Fast foward to about two weeks ago.
I was in Virginia out to eat with Ben’s family and a family friend names Cathy. Ben used to work for her as her assistant (she’s a photograpter). She started asking me about my wedding, where and when it was, if i had found a dress, blah blah blah. I said that i found a dress online that I really liked but hadn’t ordered it, yet. She said "well did you try it on?" I said no and she asked if I wanted to go on Thursday to try it on because it would suck if I ordered it and didn’t like the way it looked on me. So I said okay and e-mailed my mom to let her know that I would be goig to try the dress on and not to order it after I did.. Then Thursday comes and on the way to David’s Bridal Ben’s mom tells me that if there’s any thing that i see and really love and it’s under $400 that she would buy it for me. (We had asked his parents to help pay for the DJ and they said to pick three things we wanted them to pay for, we picked two and couldn’t think of the third so Ben’s parents said that my dress could be the thirs third thing). We meet Cathy and try on about 6 dresses.. I found one very similar to the one I tried on last year (the one my mom hated) and everyone loved it.. it looked really pretty and it fit good and it was the right price ($379) so I called my mom about five times to see if she would be okay with me getting the dress.. She didn’t answer the phone at all… So I went back inside and there was four people standing around me waiting for me to make a decision. I didn’t know what to do because I didn’t want my mom to be upset but this dress was amazing, I knew we couldn’t afford it, it was the right size, on sale, being discontinued, and it was either buy it now or risk not getting it. soooooooooooooooooooooo I said "I guess we’ll just get it." Everyone was excited and Cathy even paid for it to be fitted THAT NIGHT so I could pick it up before we left for NY on Saturday. I tried calling my mom a million times and finally got in touch with her at around 7:30 at night. I explained what happend and why I called her so many times and she said something about it being a slap in the face and "your FIANCE’S MOTHER goes to get your wedding dress!!" and asked me if I just wanted her to pay for the wedding and show up (AS IF I WASN’T TRYING TO GET HER AS INVOLVED AS POSSIBLE FOR THE PAST FUCKING YEAR!!!!!!!!). Then she hung up on me.
I cried myself to sleep that night.
Then I called her the next morning to see if she was ready to talk and she hung up on my AGAIN. I didn’t talk to her for about four or five days and finally had to e-mail her about loan stuff.. On the bottom of my e-mail I said
p.s- i wasnt trying to offend you when i went to go look at dresses..
i’ll tell you the whole story when you’re ready to hear it.
her response was
I don’t want to hear about your dress I am very offended and will always be.
it wasn’t important enough to you to have me there what was important to
you was the dress I don’t want to talk about it now or ever it’s time
to move on
I will tell you it changed the way I will look at things from now on
WHAT THE FUCK?!? She doesn’t even know the story. She doesn’t know that I WAS only going to look, that Ben’s mom SURPRISED me by telling me they would pay for the dress, that I called her 9 times to see if she could be okay with it, that it was the last dress, in my size for the right price.. She doesn’t know that Cathy paid for the overnight fitting so I could have the dress back in NY with me. She never gave me a chance to explain anything. AND SHE NEVER OFFERED TO TAKE ME GOWN SHOPPING!!! i don’t undrstand.
then my sister tells me today that my mom told her that she’s not talking to me anymore and how selfish i am and how she does everything for her kids and they always fuck her over. i am so hurt and offended and i honestly just want to call the whole tihng off and just get married with me and Ben and a witness on a baseball field and have a wedding in 10 years so we can do it OUR way with no one dictating because it’s their money. i honestly never want to talk to her again. i have never been this deeply hurt in my life and i don’t know what to do or say.