Post # 1
A long story summerized.
A brief about my mom: At 5 she got typhoid and mentally hasnt been stable since so ive been dealing with her behaivor my hole life. Over the years she has progressivly gotten worse.
Im 30 and will be having my 1st wedding in august. I have one sibling, a sister, who is 32 and never married. my mom has recently gone litterally crazy and my hole family has dis-owened her it has gotten so bad. 🙁 My sister and were talking about my wedding that is coming up and we thought about something… We are worried that my mom (who is angry at my entire family) will show up at the wedding with a gun and shoot all of us. Think about it. she will have all of the people she hates all at the same place at the same time. 🙁 im thinking about hiring a police officer or something but im so fustrated about this. Its not a for sure thing that she would do this but when the thought of that pops up in my mind then my sister days later brings it up, kind of makes me think that it is possible.
I was thinking of sending just my mom a letter in the mail ( since no one is talking to her right now) that says the wedding date has changed. I dont know if she would believe it. The sad thing is that id like to have her there but am afraid of the things that could happen. I mean, this is suppose to be the happiest day of my life right? Part of me still wants her there so im conflicted.. sorry for rambling. 1st Pic is of my mother 7 years ago when she wasnt so mentally unstable; 2nd pic is 1 1/2 years ago…. any help
Post # 3
If you think your mom is this sick, you should perhaps look at having her spend some time in an institution and get proper treatment.
Post # 4
Ok… Several weeks ago the police did pick her up and she did spend a week in the mental institution but the judge thought she seemed ok when she went to court and released her. My sister and I have done everything we could to get her help but no one here in Montana cares/ or will listen. The police that picked her up recommended to the judge that she be admitted so I dont know why he released her. My sister says she hopes our mom will get picked up by the police again before the wedding because then the judge will see a consistant pattern and would hopefully admitt her.
Post # 5
I have to agree with ejs4y8. I know there can be a stigma attached with that kinda treatment, but it really can do momumental things. It can ultimately change her quality of life and yours. That being said, if you’re truly concerned about her hurting someone, at your wedding or anywhere, I would rethink inviting her. That would obviously destroy what is supposed to be one of the best days of your life. If you do decide to invite her, is there someone (not necessarily a hired hand, maybe a stable friend of hers) that can come along, to make sure she’s alright?
Post # 6
I don’t think that you should invite her, especially because it sounds like you have no relationship with her. With the rest of your family disowning her as well it seems like a reunion could quickly get volitile. If your mom is as sick as you say that she is she probably doesn’t have a sense of boundries and what is or what isn’t appropriate behavior. I think having her attend would just be more sress for everyone.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t lie to her (that could perhaps set her off if she found out?), but if you think she’s likely to cause problems if she’s there, I would consider hiring the police officer to stand at the door in case she shows up so you don’t have to worry about a scene at the wedding.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, especially now, and I pray that you and your sister will be able to get her some help.
Post # 8
My mom already stated that she wont be coming so im afraid that if she does come it will be with a weapon and she would just walk through the church doors and open fire then kill herself. A few people from my dads family will be there too. They disowned her back in 1995. She has a lot of anger and resentment. That is why my sister and i thought what a perfect opertunity for her to get her revenge all at once. I was talking to my fiance the other day that maybe it would be a good idea for me to un-disown her until after the wedding just so that things are a little more perdictable but he dissagreed. Im so conflicted 🙁 all the advice i can get would be great
Post # 9
Since you already sent her an invitation, I would hire a police officer just in case. They can come to the wedding dressed undercover so noone would know and I think this would help ease your mind so you can enjoy your wedding day. If she is mentally unstable I’m afraid that even if you told her a different date, if she was planning to come then she might still check out the first date.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. My heart goes out to you.
Post # 10
So sorry you’re having to deal with all this stressful situation for your wedding day! Even if she said whe will not be coming, she could impulsively change her mind and come to do some damage. Some type of hired security would help put your mind more at ease.
Is everything booked already? I’d consider changing locations and not tell her – I mean, she says she won’t be coming, so she doesn’t NEED the new information. And if she shows up to the old place because she was looking for trouble, she will not find it and you’ll be able to confront her about her intentions.
Post # 11
Is there anybody that she trusts still? If so maybe that person could be with her on that day to make sure nothing happens. Also, read up on the laws in your state, if you haven’t already. In MI, a family member can have someone committed. Maybe you could talk to her drs. or even the judge about your fears?
Post # 12
my siste and i talked with the judge. the law stetes here in mt that only the power of attorney over her can commit her or a judge. the judge aready dismissed it 🙁 Until she hurts someone or herself we were told there was nothing we can do.
Post # 13
Normally my advice would be to just make sure there was someone assigned to stay with her and keep her from making any outbursts, but if you REALLY believe that there is a possibility that she would do physical harm its your obligation to make sure that doesn’t happen. If you need to hire a police officer, well, thats what you have to do.
Post # 14
All I can say is that I am really sorry you have to go through this! It sounds extremely upsetting to me! I think that you need to do what you need to do to make sure she doesn’t hurt anyone or herself! You can’t let her ruin your wedding! It seems like you have been hurt enough in the past by her..I hope everything works out for you!!!
Post # 15
I also think that you should hire police/security- as someone else commented, they could be dressed in “wedding appropriate attire” for the protection of you, your family and friends. I’m sorry for what you are going through. Best Wishes 🙂
Post # 16
This is very similar to my FMIL. However; we have not “disowned” her. Sorry to say but when someone needs help; the last thing they need is for their children & close family to turn on them. She needs you especially. Even if she’s driven everyone else away and even if she tells you she hates you and never wants to see you again. You need to get her help. No one else can do it. She will not get it herself. Exactly like the judge said. Until she hurts someone or herself then they can’t do anything. Do you really want to wait until it’s too late? You want to wait until she’s hurt someone? Believe me; you can do something. You need to push this judge or your local law enforcement more. You need to demand they help you get her committed. If you think she is capable of hurting a large group of people; then you need to get her help.
OR if you are going to stand behind “disowning” her; then you need to do it. And if you choose this then it will be better for her if you are gone and totally gone. No contact. She needs to know that if your in her life; then she will be getting help. End of story. You need to choose one way or the other. You can’t straddle the fence. You either need to stand by your mom and help her with her sickness; or you need to leave it rest and let her live her life how she does. If you choose to let her live the way she is; then you need to be willing to accept anything that happens. You need to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. & if that means hiring security for your wedding; then so be it.