- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
I posted before about having issues with the FIL’s because we did not want to invite FH’s older brother. Two years ago, this man went into a coked-out rage and trashed the house, threatened to kill all of us, broke my fiance’s nose, and could only be subdued by my fiance choking him out on the front porch.
He was charged but never convicted of anything. Turns out their parents helped him get off despite him causing them $20k in property damages (on top of the $30k he already owes them).
Fiance under no uncertain terms wants nothing to do with his brother. The brother has no intensions of getting well or any kind of help, actually tried to use FH as a drug mule this past Christmas, continually berates women and mocks me because “he has schizophrenia and doesn’t need meds”, but I’m pathetic because I have bipolar and acknolwedge I do need them.
Fiance’s parents have been sending him email diatribes for the past week, guilt-tripping him (we’re so disappointed, you’re exiling him from the family, you’re making this too hard for all of us, you should be ashamed), and dragging his other siblings in to facebook message him the same bullshit.
When we first got engaged, FH didn’t want to elope but I did. Now we’ve suck $5k into our wedding already and he wants nothing to do with it. Our in-laws are really souring all of this for him, and that’s the reason we’re not inviting his stupid brother! No way in hell do I want that nutball around my ultra-conservative family. It’d be a disaster. Fiance doesn’t want him there because he thinks it sends the message that we’re okay with what happened, and we aren’t.
Not sure what I’m looking for here, really. I guess just someone to talk this out with. I’ve tried with friends but they really just don’t get how hurtful this is all becoming (but nowhere near hurtful enough to make inviting the brother worth it… hell no).
Any advice would be great. The good news is that we were planning to have a civil ceremony before the date and have it ‘officiated’ by a friend on the day, so at least we’ll be able to rest easy that the ‘real’ thing went okay….. except that his mother inferred that she ‘expects to be there’ for it. Too bad!